Social Question

Pandora's avatar

Would you stay friends with someone who you felt was envious of you?

Asked by Pandora (29469points) July 23rd, 2010

Please explain why you would or why you wouldn’t.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

20 Answers

Austinlad's avatar

If it were someone I cared a lot about, I would try to work through the issue. But if not, out he or she goes. Envy is a killer.

Pandora's avatar

I agree. I wonder though why some people love to have others envy them. I just don’t get it.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

No thanks.
People like that are a pain in the ass ;)

meagan's avatar

No. I’ve tried it for four years until a year ago I had enough.

I was friends with a girl who wasn’t exactly “all there”. I couldn’t comment about my weight without a remark about how “skinny people think they’re fat” from her. She was a nice girl, but when we’d get around people she was trying to impress, she’d tell them that I had a fake nose, no butt, no chest, – trying to make herself look better.
I’m not a person to throw around the jealousy or envy card, but this girl obviously had some self esteem problems.

Flowergurl's avatar

I try my best to be proud of the talents that my friends have. For instance, I have a friend that is a caterer and I’m just a so-so cook. She makes the most wonderful cakes and pies for special events in our lives. However, she hates to garden, so I help her in her yard as much as possible.

I did have a newer friend that just could not handle any accomplishment, talent, or possession that I had. I can’t stand braggarts, so I tend to not discuss my life too much in depth, so I was puzzled at her extreme envy. I had enough of her constant picking at me one day and just walked away from her at an event and have stayed away from her ever since. Life is way too short to be surrounded by nasty people like her.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

It’d be difficult.

KhiaKarma's avatar

Envious people are often obnoxious to be around. Not to mention, they sometimes try to cause drama to get attention. I personally would not want to hang with anyone who thought I had it better or worse off than them. Friendship is best when perceived as equals.

ItsAHabit's avatar

Most of my friends are envious of me. :-)

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I would avoid that situation like the plague. Only my sister has ever acted that way. We hardly see each other. She always felt like she was unable to keep up with me and whatever I had accomplished. I never had a competitive nature.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I get tripped up defining jealousy versus envy. in my mind jealousy is worse because I think envy is admiring, wanting and wishing it was yours while I equate jealousy with a feeling malice towards the actual person for those things they have. could handle someone who wanted things like me but not if they treated me badly because of wanting to have like I have.

Coloma's avatar

I am dealing with that right now in a 15 yr. friendship.

I have made a lot of allowances for this friends petty and killjoy attitude, but, it has really spurred into high gear this year. I have empathy for her unhappiness but it wears thin.

One huge defining moment, amongst many others, was with mutual friends last New Years eve.

This person made a big fuss because she felt our mutual friends were ’ too affectionate’ with each other and it made her uncomfortable! She then also said to me later that she felt they were being insensitive to her as she was going through the breakup of a 5 year relationship. Just totally blew my mind!

Our mutual friend was enjoying her first relationship in quite a few years and is so deserving of the happiness she is experiencing after coming out of a rough patch herself.

I was appalled at this womans behaviors.

A 50 something woman acting like a jealous 15 year old.

Spare me, please! lol

It’s one of those things where I have learned more about the nature of her emotional issues this year than in all the prior years I have known her.

I agree, envy/jealousy is a killer and if one has to always hold back on any happy news to avoid the sour grapes squirting you in the eye, well..time to re-evaluate the relationship.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@Coloma- maybe you’ve had someone in your circle more of a 15yrs old acquaintance because a friend would be happy for others to find happiness and love. I’d think observing that in their friends would actually make a friend feel better but maybe that’s just me.

stardust's avatar

I had a friend who couldn’t be happy for me or my achievements. It was a very negative relationship to be in. Ultimately, it killed our friendship. If it can be worked out and I love the person, I’d certainly try to resolve it, but if either party is closed off to that, then goodbye.

MissA's avatar

I’ve had that experience only once in my life that I am aware of. And, I’m still dumbfounded and it’s been a dozen years. I don’t know whether you ‘d call it envy or jealousy, but it is not becoming on anyone.

I was totally unaware of her feelings toward me, regarding business. When we parted, she wanted me to admit to feeling some negative way about her…and, I didn’t because I never had those feelings. It really hurt because I believed her to be my closest friend ever…a beautiful, resourceful, intelligent woman, capable of anything. It’s like the old saw, “I didn’t know what hit me.” I truly was blindsided by the ending of the friendship.

RANGIEBABY's avatar

Not for 5 minutes. I have 3 sisters that have jealousy, envious issues. I had to put up with it while I was young and lived at home. But, after I married and had my children there issues started on my children. I worked hard to make my children worldly and they wasted their money on nonsense. They have a relationship with each other, but I will not deal with that. It is a huge waste of time for everybody.

Coloma's avatar

@Neizvestnaya

You are absolutely right and that is what I have been looking at lately, less a ‘friend’ and more of an acquaintance, but…after calling someone a friend for 15 years it is hard to demote them to acquaintanceship, even though that would be the demoting word. lol

As I mentioned, it often does take years to really see anothers true colors, this has been a defining year with this person.

I can relate to @MissA….I have realized I always THOUGHT she was a better friend, eyes wide open now.

Jabe73's avatar

That person would turn from a “friend” to an “acquaintance” very quickly. A very distant acquaintance may I add.

augustlan's avatar

I agree exactly with @Neizvestnaya‘s first post up there ^^. Same definitions and everything.

Frenchfry's avatar

I would not be in it long. Those type of people are never happy.

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