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Dutchess_III's avatar

To you, what is the most accurate barometer of a good marriage?

Asked by Dutchess_III (39841points) July 26th, 2010

This inspired by a Q on the importance of a married couple sleeping in the same bed.

For as long as I can remember, the enjoyment of sexual activity with your wife/husband/SO seems to be the yard stick of a happy marriage. Why would sex seem to be the yardstick? Especially after 20, 30, 40 years. Isn’t there something more important than the promise of a climax to glue two people together?

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18 Answers

Pandora's avatar

Respect on both sides. And love is also a good indicator.

john65pennington's avatar

Longevity of being together. to share everything together. for two people to become one. this comes from 44 years of being married to the same nice lady.

Also, knowing which buttons not to push makes your life together worthwhile.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@john65pennington That separates you from the abusers and the non-abusers. The abusers push buttons every chance they get.

john65pennington's avatar

Yes and the button pushers are the ones that divorce after one year of marriage. a marriage is a second job. you have to work at it, in order for it to work for you.

wundayatta's avatar

One thing I heard at a meeting tonight—“We never laugh any more. If you can’t laugh together, what’s the point?”

I think that if there’s no laughing, there’s no nookie, and if there’s no nookie or laughing, what is fun about the relationship? Why would we even bother, if it weren’t for children, finances and community expectations?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. To me the only barometer that matters is how comfortable you can be with your spouse, if you can’t be comfortable and be comfortable as yourself everything else will suffer because you will believe at any moment all peace will fade away and some funk will ensue.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

It’s in their eyes, body language and it’s in their childrens’ happiness (provided they parented together).

Neizvestnaya's avatar

When you can take your individual egos out of what you think is “right” and go with what works best for two.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Trust, respect and genuine interest and involvement of the spouses in shared interests and priorities.
Of course sharing humour, tenderness and intimacy follow from those.

NaturallyMe's avatar

This is vague, but….as long as both are truely happy, it’s a good marriage! I’d say though there should be respect, showing of affection (i don’t mean sex, but showing in other ways that you love them), fun, doing things together (which i think may help maintain your bond). Stuff like that. Oh yes, and of course trust, without that the relationship is DOOMED.

Aethelwine's avatar


jazmina88's avatar

i think it would be the happiness you feel when they come home from work.
ready to spend a nice evening together.

Strauss's avatar

Friendship above all. The question we often ask is “Is that the way you treat your best friend?”

mattbrowne's avatar

Not freaking out about your partner’s imperfections.

Strauss's avatar

Know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em. In other words, if there is a difference of opinion, know when you can stick to your guns and when to compromise.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Yetanotheruser Know when she’s getting really, REALLY pissed for once and back off for once ‘cause she’s not going to and she’s ready to open up all kinds of hell if you don’t!

ridgerunner's avatar

I believe respect, honesty, comfort, support, love, trust with your SO are huge. Passion in sex/sex ebbs/flows as the tide, but you need to build upon a strong foundation that includes all of these factors. It’s a partnership, a companionship. It’s the peace in knowing your SO has got your back. It’s the comfort of knowing if you fall, they will pick you up. It’s the joy in knowing when you’ve made a huge achievement, they are the first one there to toast you and boast to the world.

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