Social Question

Facade's avatar

What is it about you that turns people off?

Asked by Facade (22884points) July 27th, 2010

Maybe it’s just one thing. Maybe it’s several things.
Would you change that thing if it meant more people would like you?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

41 Answers

YARNLADY's avatar

I try to use words that are closer to the exact meaning I hope to convey. Many people resent this as they would prefer the usual “and like, you know, I mean really”.

whitenoise's avatar

Some people would find my directness to border and sometimes equal rudeness.

Luffle's avatar

My biggest personality flaw is probably the inability to completely trust another person. I like to probe for the truth when I think they are lying instead of being able to accept a vague answer or turning a blind eye to make things easier to accept.

I tried to relax and not look where people don’t want me to look but it often makes me feel suffocated.

I try to change for various reasons but I always go back to being the same. I like to ask questions. I’m beginning to believe that is the way I was made.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m extremely opinionated and passionate, to the people closest to me. This means I appear easing going and open minded to just about everyone until and if they become a closer acquaintance or friend and then they see the difficult, stubborn me.

Aethelwine's avatar

I’m terrible at small talk.

I would only change it because it makes me uncomfortable, not because I want more people to like me.

YARNLADY's avatar

I talk too much

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I’m not exactly sociable face to face. Social skills that others picked up in childhood continue to bewilder me 50+ years later. I give a very bad first impression to people, consequently I have very few acquaintances other than online. Here, I don’t have to read (usually misread) body language, facial expressions or make eye contact. This weirdness is called Aspergers Syndrome.

Coloma's avatar

@YARNLADY

Yeah, I talk too much too!

Bright people have lots to say! haha

I have a solitary side as well though..I’m pretty much a 50/50 split like my profile says.

Half extremely energetic and verbose, half monk. lol

woodcutter's avatar

I really don’t care where I fart

KatawaGrey's avatar

I don’t react well to flirtation. Often, I don’t know when someone is flirting with me so I just go along as if they’re acting normally. This bites me in the ass quite a lot when a male friend is flirting really hard with me and I just think he’s being super friendly. I’m usually thrilled and think, “Oh yay, a new friend!” and then he asks me out or takes it a step too far. When someone is flirting really stupidly with me, I notice and I’m not having any of it. Wanna tell me how much you like to party? I’m going to tell you I prefer to read quietly. Wanna suggest we go see a movie, just the two of us? I’m going to say that’s fine and then suggest either a really bloody, action-y, non-romantic movie or I’m gonna call your bluff and suggest the girliest, silliest, sappiest one I can. And then I’ll suggest my boyfriend comes along.

Along the same thread of thinking, I am a very sexual person, but you can’t tell that by looking at me. I have a tendency to dress comfortably, rather than provocatively and my shirts have funny sayings and pictures on them. My shorts are long and I never wear heels except for very nice occasions. I don’t flirt much, especially when I’m taken. People think I flirt when really, I’m just being friendly. Basically, I’m low-key when someone expects me to be hyper-sexual and I’m hyper-sexual when someone expects me to sit still and be quiet. I’ll admit, part of that is to keep people off balance. ;)

El_Cadejo's avatar

Im extremely blunt.

tinyfaery's avatar

It’s very difficult to lure me into a conversation. Some very gregarious people are able to get me talking, but most people just give up.

judochop's avatar

1. My sarcasm can borderline rudeness. If I am feeling loose then I can often be crass at inappropriate times. (I personally enjoy colorful words.)
2. I really don’t care much what you think of me. This can be harmful to myself and often times seen as a form of selfishness.

shego's avatar

I speak my mind and my emotions. And I love to get my point across no matter what.
But it gets me in trouble.
And my bubbliness, sometimes makes people feel uncomfortable. Oh well, that’s life, can’t win them all.

jerv's avatar

I am a plainspoken know-it-all with no sympathy for stupid people (not the merely naive, but the genuinely fuckwitted ones). I also have a tendency to think laterally and make connections that others can’t see, which can cause confusion.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@KatawaGrey I have the same trouble determining if someone is flirting. For most of my life, I just ignored such things, knowing that I didn’t have the social aptitude to go there.

@jerv I know exactly what you mean. My former career was was based largely on such lateral thinking; lives were saved and military objectives met because of it. I was never considered a “good” officer though; too valuable to kick out but spent my last 12 years at the same pay grade. I only got as far as I did through leading by example and delegating everything else

My vocabulary also puts people off. Many think that I imitate William F. Buckley, actually I speak in the same way that I write. I have a knack for boring people silly within 5 minutes of meeting them.

downtide's avatar

I’m useless at making small-talk or casual conversation so people assume I’m aloof and/or boring.

Piper's avatar

I guess I’m kind of a pushover sometimes. I’m not assertive enough. People think I’m a wimp sometimes and it’s kinda true for some things. People also think I’m a goody-goody because I get good grades and I do a lot of stuff at my church. I say: whatever. I like my life. :)

NaturallyMe's avatar

That i’m shy and quiet, unless i know you very well. Also, i’m not good at starting up small talk either. Other than that, there’s nothing i’m aware of that people don’t like about me if they don’t know me.

perspicacious's avatar

The things I’ve been told include being very blunt, at times aloof, painfully honest, and somewhat intimidating. These were all impressions early in associations. In time everybody loves me.:)

Frenchfry's avatar

I smoke. A lot of people can’t stand cigarettes now~a~days.I am not ready to quit

Keysha's avatar

I’m honestly not certain what does it for me. I do know that most people do not even approach me, and that I am not the type to approach most others. Must be my aura.

Arisztid's avatar

I can come across as aloof and cold. I tend to be precise with my speech with an extensive vocabulary, used freely, and am highly controlled which heightens this. Being 6’2” and a martial artist furthers the effect.

Like @downtide, I have no use for small talk and do not engage in it.

The less comfortable I am in a situation, the greater the cold aloofness. Sometimes it is just discomfort in me, sometimes it is how I wish to appear. The less I like someone, the greater this effect.

I do not wish to change this.

jerv's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land Why does that not surprise me? Are you sure you aren’t my daddy?

Cruiser's avatar

I succeed where they may have failed and I copy their words and use them for my own and you can’t stop me! Bwaa haa haaaa!

Michael_Huntington's avatar

More like what is it about people that turns me off.

sakura's avatar

I’m a marmite person you either love me or hate me.
I can come across as over confident, but really I am as paranoid as anything, I always think people are thinking the worst of me, and I don’t always feel I fit in anywhere, so I think I can over compensate this by trying too hard to fit in. I have only truly felt genuinely welcome at any place of work when I lived in NZ everyone there was lovely and everyone was pleasant to everyone else :)

Jude's avatar

I’m feisty and tend to call people out when they’re being an asshole. Assholes don’t like that.

Last week, Nikki and I stopped at a Taco Bell (rarely happens) in Flint, Michigan. We were waiting in line and in front of us was an African American Muslim couple. They were dressed in their Muslim garb (the woman wearing a Burka). They were a really nice couple, chatting with people around them. Suddenly, a group of farmers (about 4. One being in his 50’s) headed towards the door to leave. The older farmer then said loudly (as he was leaving), ‘I should go home to change my clothes. I wouldn’t want to look funny in front of other people”. He looked the Muslim gentleman right in the eyes when he said that. The Muslim man said to us all “Did he just say that to me?” (it was obvious that he did). So, after we got our food, I told my girlfriend that I wanted to say something to the farmer. As we were walking to our car, I yelled at the farmer, saying “That was rude what you said to that couple in there” and I shook my head. What I really wanted to say was “hurry up and get home. Don’t you have a sheep to fuck, asshole”.

Facade's avatar

@jjmah Nice. Very nice… I like ‘em feisty!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@jjmah Excellent. I wish you said what you were thinking.
That’s what my turnoff would be. I don’t give a rat’s behind what people think of me. I’m who I am, take it or leave it.

jazmina88's avatar

I’m direct…...

exuberurant

Flowergurl's avatar

I also do not like small talk because it just seriously bores me.

I’m also known that when asked, I’ll give my honest opinion about something without any sugar-coating. This backfired on me a few months ago when volunteering for a group when
they asked for my opinion about a money matter. The other women in the group did not like my answer and the group leader ended up throwing a fit at me. Needless to say, that was my last meeting with that wonderful group of ladies. Little did they realize that one of my family members had been quietly contributing almost half of their monies raised for this particular fund. A new charity is now benefiting from this family member’s generosity. What goes around comes around!

DominicX's avatar

I don’t think most people love small talk. It’s not like it’s this wonderful thing that you’re missing out on. Most people know it sucks, but if you’re good at it, it’s a way to lead into “big talk”. At least, that’s been my experience with it.

Anyway, to answer the question, something that turns people off about me is that I can be pretty sarcastic, I also can be stubborn and very opinionated and I don’t like to give in easily. I also tend to be straightforward, don’t care for euphemisms or dancing around subjects, I like to get to the point and that can come off as blunt sometimes. I also can take a joke and for those that can’t, that’s not a good thing. Also, people might be put off by the fact that I’m eccentric and outgoing, a wonderful combination in my mind…

ducky_dnl's avatar

Something that people hate about me is that I’m very quiet. People take that as me being rude or not interested, but if I have nothing to say.. I’m not going to talk. :/

Aster's avatar

I’ll have to guess: people may think I’m aloof and say weird things which I think is SO funny! I’m too direct sometimes , too.
The dogs escaped. A golfcart rode past me and I said, “SO embarrassing!” instead of , “hello.” I’ve been told I make weird remarks which I consider a compliment. It attracts few but strange and interesting people. Two very close friends both spent time on the mental health ward at a local hospital. One died; the other one is Very sick now, mentally.

mYcHeMiCaLrOmAnCe's avatar

my mood changes every 5 minutes. 288 times a day, if I don’t sleep

Jabe73's avatar

Being aloof. I definitely have to be in the right mood to socialize with people. When I finally do say something however I am very blunt and straightforward, this seems to catch many people off guard when they least expect it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I expect a lot of people – I expect them to keep promises, to be on time, to care about others. I don’t respond well to the whole ‘oh woe is me, I have these flaws and I’ll do nothing about them because I’m human, after all’ and that turns people who just want to coast by on life off. Others think I ‘think too much’ about the world around me and that I can never just talk about frivolous shit that they’re consumed by – they’re completely correct. People find me interesting, they ask a lot of questions of me, I’m patient in answering but they’re not into being questioned by me because I expose their weaknesses by simply consistenly remaining myself. Many others think I use ‘big words’ and concepts – that’s where they talk about how they have ‘street smarts’, lol, and I don’t which isn’t true.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Yeah, I expect people to take responsibility for their actions, no matter what kind of issues they have. I get yelled at a lot then I simply point out that I know people who have been abused/raped/neglected/whatever and they behave much better and take responsibility for their actions. I get accused of being unforgiving a lot.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@KatawaGrey Exactly – I think ‘unforgiving’ to them means ‘not wanting to turn a blind eye’ – I’m not into that, at all

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther