Social Question

mollydrew's avatar

Would you stay friends with someone who had an affair with your S/O?

Asked by mollydrew (641points) August 10th, 2010

If you had a very close friend someone you had known and were close to, and they had an affair with your S/O is there any way you would want to or could remain friends? Their affair was just one of those things, they were drunk, it will never happen again, could you be friends again? would you want to?

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54 Answers

marinelife's avatar

No, absolutely not. How could you ever trust them again for anything?

stardust's avatar

No. Friendship requires trust and I don’t think I could ever go there again.

poofandmook's avatar

My mom slept with her best friend’s husband. She left my stepdad the same day he left her best friend, though they claim it wasn’t to be together. Funny, because they’ve been together ever since, 5 years later.

The best friend my mother basically shat on went a little batty though… she drives by my mom’s job and gives her dirty looks through the window, and has her kids do similar drive-by harassments.

daytonamisticrip's avatar

i would stay friends with my friend but by s/o

wundayatta's avatar

Friends are rare. Break ups can last a long time. If you understand what happened, you can rebuild the trust over time. This is a person who knows you well.

Are you considering dumping the boyfriend, too? I think that if you keep one, you keep the other. If you dump one, you dump the other.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

If I was in a monogamous relationship and this happened, I wouldn’t care to deal with the friend but I’d probably fix things up with my S/O – it all depends, I can’t really answer this.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Are you kidding us? No way under the sun.

harple's avatar

No, but neither could I stay with the S/O… at that point he would stop being my S/O and would become an S/O/B!

ucme's avatar

Nah. Although to be fair my fist & also my foot would remain close… his face & nuts.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Once trust is gone, it’s gone.

AmWiser's avatar

No. Neither one would deserve my friendship. Nothing just happens (in my book).

Aethelwine's avatar

No, because a real friend wouldn’t do that, even if they were drunk. That’s no friend imo.

partyparty's avatar

Absolutely NOT… I could never trust them again… ever

aprilsimnel's avatar

Maybe after the passage of a few decades. Maybe.

deni's avatar

fuck no. what would make me want to be friends with someone that would do that? nothing.

Disc2021's avatar

I’d probably choke both of them – friend and S/O.

CMaz's avatar

I would go to their funeral.

downtide's avatar

Under those circumstances, no. I don’t think I’d be able to forgive my SO either.

Austinlad's avatar

In my first and last experience with this issue in which I was the one who struck up a relationship with my friend’s S.O, I lost both the friend and his S.O. My answer is NO.

hug_of_war's avatar

I’d dump them both in a heartbeat.

SuperMouse's avatar

Absolutely not.

mammal's avatar


JLeslie's avatar

Well initially it would be no. But after many many years have past the friendship might rekindle. It would really depend on the situation, how old everyone was at the time, and other factors.

CMaz's avatar

Wait, if that friend was another woman. I would encourage it.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Hell no. That would be an ultimate betrayal of my trust. Although we might be able to work out a deal where I screw the hell out of HER husband in return. Then we can talk.

lapilofu's avatar

Really depends on the specifics of the situation, but I’m pretty forgiving. People make a lot of stupid mistakes—I’d hate to write someone off for just one.

(Well, also, I’ve never been in such a situation, and I realize that perhaps if I’m ever actually in it I may feel differently. I like to think not though.)

cookieman's avatar


I mean, I’d have burried him in the backyard, so what’s the harm in continuing the friendship?

Trillian's avatar

Um…no. Nor would I stay with the SO.

woodcutter's avatar

at least I could set up the home more to my liking afterwards

Dewey420's avatar

The outcome of this situation could either make you look really forgiving or really idiotic.and each case would have at least one party full of all kinds of excuses. Personally I like to put my love and sex into one basket so getting cheated on hurts pretty bad..and seeing how i really only have one best friend that I would forgive for something like that..and he’s gay, I don’t have alot to worry about. Hmm , I wonder if I planned it out like that.

Aster's avatar


Frenchfry's avatar

No. I could not. I would not consider them a friend.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

No. I would never talk to them again – not because refusing to talk to them does anything, but because otherwise I would say or do something I would regret. I would also leave my SO, because in my mind an affair is the ultimate signal that your relationship is worthless and it is time to move on.

Mom2BDec2010's avatar

I wouldn’t wanna be friends with someone after that happened. All trust would be gone.

Ludy's avatar

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? absolutly not, I am not even friends with the person who tried to have an affair with my married brother, and she was like my sister, she was like a member of my family, and note that I said tried! :$

Neizvestnaya's avatar

No way and I probably wouldn’t stay friends with the cheating ex-SO either. Anyone who’d do that behind my back is not friend material.

perspicacious's avatar

It would be too much hurt.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I honestly don’t know what I would do. My marriage means so much to me, that I think I would try to work things out (especially in the situation described above). A one time fling is much different than a long term affair with emotional attachment. So, I think I would try to work things out with the both of them. I would probably not trust them to be together for a long, long time though.

boffin's avatar

Reminds me of the old story (joke)...

You come home and find your wife in bed with your best friend.
Who (or is it whom) do you shoot?
The wife…
It’s hard to find a best friend…

Okay, lets move on, next question…

chyna's avatar

Drunk is not a good excuse. What, he got drunk and his penis fell into her vagina?
Both would be history.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I agree with @chyna- Drunk is not a good enough excuse. Things don’t “just happen” when you’re in love, have respect and a future investment with a mutually agreed-to-be-exclusive partner. I’d be FURIOUS, humiliated and hurt my partner would gamble losing me over something that could “just happen”. I trust him to take precautions to protect him/us from even having to make that kind of excuse of himself.

le_inferno's avatar

Jesus, I just don’t know how something like that could happen between anyone with a fucking conscience. It would be one thing if my boyfriend cheated on me with some random biddy, who doesn’t know me, barely knows him. I’d be nothing to her. Just a challenge to overcome, an obstacle blocking her from inside his pants. A concept. Maybe she wouldn’t even know he was taken. But to have my best friend sleep with my boyfriend? That’s just the ultimate betrayal. Both people are intimately close to me. Both are aware of exactly what they’re doing, who they’re hurting. And yet, they do it anyway. I’d have to say goodbye to them both.

ratboy's avatar

If he paid the going rate. Otherwise, I’d demand tits for tat.

second_guessing's avatar

Don’t think i could trust them again.

tb1570's avatar

Is this some kind of joke??

rexpresso's avatar

I wish my significant other had an affair… for her own good… and our relationship’s good… supposedly we’re on an open relationship but it’s been a while….

shoebox's avatar

I don’t things can ever be the same.

busta21's avatar

no, everything would change after that.

MissA's avatar

If your S/O and you began your relationship while one or both of you already had a S/O, remember this:

“If they did it with you, they’ll do it to you.”

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