Social Question

christos99's avatar

Why am I still single?

Asked by christos99 (779points) August 12th, 2010

I am 31 years old, good looking, outstanding personality but I can’t seem to find the right girl. (Not interested in internet dating)... but my question to the community is: Why is it the wrong people call? Girls I like always end up in the friend zone, calling me their brother, girls that I have no feelings for end up in my bed, but I usually can’t stand them. Why are all girls such douches?

So, how do I land a girl I actually like?

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43 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Maybe it has something to do with your negative attitude. Saying something like “why are all girls such douches?” sets off the alarms in my mind. I think you need to reevaluate your attitude towards dating, because women are probably picking up things that you don’t even realise you are laying down.

Blackberry's avatar

It’s just difficult to find someone you’re compatible with amongst so many people. The people that do find that ‘special’ person had luck, worked very hard on their relationship, and made some significant changes. It could be a combination of just having more patience, getting out more, and changing something about yourself.

You should spend more time with those women you don’t like, you may end up liking one after you know them more. I have wanted someone that wasn’t right for me and ignored the one that was right just because I wasn’t paying attention.

christos99's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie, lol, I would never accuse all girls of being douches, APOLOGIES!!! I was being totally sarcastic because I am frustrated… :) I am the least negative person ever… :) thanks for your quick reponse though :P

Trillian's avatar

“girls that I have no feelings for end up in my bed, but I usually can’t stand them. Why are all girls such douches?”
Do any of us really need to add to this?
Maybe, if you would stop filling your bed with what you don’t want and just do without, you would stand a chance of permanently filling that spot there with someone that means something to you.
I say “maybe” because you may have some issues to work through concerning your selection process and what you are capable of attracting in your current frame of mind. If you consort with women who validate your low opinion, chances are that this is what you will consistently end up with. And women who are more in line with what you want won’t settle for the way I’d be willing to wager you treat those “douchebags” who you can’t stand but still have sex with.
Can I get a witness?

gypsywench's avatar

Geez, I agree with @Trillian.

gypsywench's avatar

It’s your attitude towards women. That’s why you’re single.

nikipedia's avatar

I mean, if you’re actually good-looking, then it’s probably because your personality sucks or you suck at dating. Why don’t you ask people who actually know you and could give you meaningful feedback?

christos99's avatar

ok ok I agree with all of you that my original post made me sound like a total a$$hole… but at the end of the day…. I am the most romantic, lovable, spontaneous, generous, funny dude that believes chivilary isn’t dead. I have a great personality, no reason for you all to be bashing me. All about respect and compliments. However, I think I just realized I’m a pu$$sy and let girls walk all over me. I happen to find a girl that I like and give the world, and they take advantage of me. Girls that I don’t care for and I choose to ignore always come back – which I don’t want… I’m fuc#ed… if you need more specifc details email me… too complicated to share with a general audience :(

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@christos99 May I ask you why “drugs” are in your topic section?

Trillian's avatar

“Girls that I don’t care for and I choose to ignore always come back – which I don’t want” If you weren’t with them to begin with,they would not “come back”.
I say again; you may need to work through your own issues before you can be in a satisfying relationship. Consider your selection process. Consider the patterrn of your “relationships” as they are now. Then consider one definition of insanity, which is to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.
If you don’t like the flavor of your cake, change the recipe. And for god’s sake, don’t keep eating it.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

I am not generalizing, but I really think that the majority of girls nowadays are NOT what girls used to be even 8–10 years ago. They have become big-headed, bossy and have got the wrong end of the stick when it comes to independence and liberation. Another thing I notice quite often, is the amount of fakeness that many of these girls carry. I know I may get attacked by many for saying this, but most women are not what they used to be.

I don’t think Christos99 radiates negativity, perhaps disappointment and disgust. Even disappointment can be an obstacle to finding the right person because one is always ready to be disappointed and hurt yet again, so that attitude could possibly get in the way of things. The best thing to do is to leave things as they are and let it all happen naturally. When you are not searching, that is when doors start opening!

christos99's avatar

FML… the purpose of this post originally was meant for: why do girls i fall for call me their brother/dad… i can be mean at times to girls im not interested in cause they keep hitting on me. I may sleep with them, but I don’t like them… all girls i have ever liked always call me their best friend and tell me they wish their significant other was as sensitive as me…

escapedone7's avatar

Do you have a Madonna-whore complex or something? Might you like the women you can’t have merely because you know you can’t have them? Have you talked to a counselor to try to find out what might be going on under the hood? I can’t say why you are single because I don’t know you. You obviously think you are wonderful. Perhaps you should ask one of your pseudo-sisters and daughters about this. They might clue you in.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@ZEPHYRA I agree with you, but I would like to add this: Most men now are just as fake. People suck in general, period. Actually… It’s no worse now, aside from the fact that people simply don’t try to hide it anymore.

That said, @christos99, when women call you their best friend, I think you need to realize that it isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and it doesn’t always have to end there. I think, for a lot of people, their ideal partner/lover in life is also their best friend. When you equate “best friend” with “negative”, that’s part of the problem.

And because you’re sleeping with women you admittedly can’t stand, you’re setting yourself up for a pattern that you’re not going to like. In your mind, it seems to be an “either, or” situation – and it doesn’t have to be that way. Liking and wanting sex is fine – but being willing to have it with women you don’t like is just reinforcing the negativity that you’re inviting into your life. Try not sleeping with a woman unless you actually like her, at least in some way, and I bet things will start to turn around for you. It’s not that these kind of women keep coming back – it’s that you repeatedly invite them to do so.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Hey fellow-flutherites, give the man a break. I am sorry to say that I have often seen the worst type of men ending up with the sweetest, cutest girls. So poor ole Christos is simply wondering: “WTF is wrong with me, what do others have that I don’t?

@DrasticDreamer, I agree with you, it goes both ways, you are so right. BUT women are a tiny bit worse, I think.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@ZEPHYRA Women are no worse or better. People suck in general.

christos99's avatar

HA HA HA all people don’t suck :) that’s why we have music… takes our problems away :)

ZEPHYRA's avatar

@DrasticDreamer, do you see them all getting worse as time goes by?

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@ZEPHYRA No, I see apathy. I see people who are no different than they ever have been, aside from the fact that they just don’t hide it anymore.

escapedone7's avatar

Do you start to dislike your bed pals only after they’ve gone to bed with you? Maybe you lose a little respect for them in the morning? I still don’t quite understand sleeping with people you can’t stand. Maybe it is a guy thing.

escapedone7's avatar

Ask your friend-girls to help hook you up with someone with the qualities you are looking for. They probably have a lot of female friends they could introduce you to. Just re-think what qualities really attracted you to the girls you have liked in the past. It might help you identify more what you are looking for in a mate.

christos99's avatar

to escapedone7: My original post is why do woman I like see me only as a friend? Others which are friendly with me, i may sleep with but don’t have “the” feeling for them… i was complaining about any woman i have ever liked never saw me “that way” but woman I didn’t care for saw me “that way” its a revolving door of unhappiness and I’m trying to stop it and find the one I can share my life with… im a great dude… but woman are….... .... .. .. .. . .. . . .lol .. .. .. ... . .from Venus

escapedone7's avatar

Sometimes I end up friends with someone just because I don’t feel the chemistry between us. It might be he looks great, acts great, but when I kiss him there are no sparkles. I don’t know where that magic stuff comes from. Sometimes I see things that are not “wrong” but merely things that convince me that we might be incompatible in the long run, and I want to spare us both from getting hurt. Sometimes opposites attract but that doesn’t mean it is sustainable. I am just trying to think of reasons why I am just friends with really great guys. Those are some. Mostly, I don’t want to be serious with anyone right now. I might enjoy a conversation or even a date, but I don’t want to get nailed down by anything or anybody. I really want my independence and freedom.

perspicacious's avatar

Saying “all girls are douches” is not the best way. All girls aren’t. I have no idea why you haven’t met someone you like. Look at yourself very closely and ask your female friends for their input.

christos99's avatar

lol… MISERY by Maroon 5 Oh yeah, So scared of breaking it, But you won’t let it bend, And I wrote two hundred letters, I won’t ever send, Somehow it is cut so much, Deeper then they seem, You’d rather cover up, I’d rather let them be, So let me be, And I’ll set you free, I am in misery
There ain’t no other, Who can comfort me, Why won’t you answer me? Your silence is slowly killing me, Girl you really got me bad, You really got me bad. I’m gonna get you back. Gonna get you back. Your salty skin and how, It mixes in with mine, The way it feels to be, Completely intertwined, It’s not that I didn’t care, It’s that I didn’t know, It’s not what I didn’t feel, It’s what I didn’t show, So let me be, And I’ll set you free,

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Must sparkles and chemistry and fireworks and all that bubbling stuff in general be there at the onset? Can they not gradually develop? I think we are so eager to see those sparks flying that we miss the true sense of it all. I mean can these sparks not come as we go along? I have heard of so many people regretting not having hooked up with someone just because the fireworks were not there at the start! Are we not too focused on all that?

escapedone7's avatar

@ZEPHYRA makes a good point.

christos99's avatar

what really sucks is my ex girlfriends always tell me i “was the right one at the wrong time in their life”, bad timing i guess. they still tell me they love me and that they never felt more “secure” being with me and treat them better than their current bf’s… i never re-date ex’s but the point is, why do most girls consider me their friends and nothing more? why do i always find myself in the friend zone!?!?!?!?!? wtf fml

christos99's avatar

bottom line: why do i always end up in the fast track to the friend zone? i never get the girl i want… just settle for the girls that like me, the kind i want to put in thr friend zone…...

escapedone7's avatar

That is hard to answer since I really don’t know you at all. Do you fall in love hard and fast? Are you a really intense personality? Your poem or song lyrics you chose seemed kind of intense. Sometimes if someone is moving faster than I want to, I slam on the breaks because it is freaking me out.

Likeradar's avatar

Why do you see the friend zone as a bad thing? People are complex, and many women want to have a friendship base with their partner.
If all these women really do see you as such a great guy, and if your personality and looks are as good as you seem to think they are (and if you stop saying stupid things about women being douches), it will only work in your favor. If your perception is correct, these women may eventually see you as more than a friend or want to set their friends up with their great buddy. If your perception isn’t correct, well, you’ll have to look closer at what you’re doing wrong. However, many women won’t set their friends up with a guy who sleeps with women they don’t like. It makes you seem like a jackass.

Herolegion's avatar

Sometimes you end up in the friend zone by being just too nice, I guess.. >_<

I keep in mind a comment by my friend who told me this once, “High expectations but low qualifying attributes”, but that may be just me though. haha.

zenele's avatar

You’re Gay.

chyna's avatar

Maybe you are only looking at the most beautiful or the prettiest girls and not giving others a chance. I understand that you have to be physically attracted to someone first to want to date them, but are you giving the girls who are a little less attractive a chance? I have watched the really pretty girls be total assholes to everyone around them, just because they can be. They think/know that another guy is just waiting to snatch them up. Maybe you could broaden your scope of who you are dating and meet the right girl. I was 34 years old when I got married.

Sunshyne276's avatar

The negativity is a definite turn off. Also, a good start would be not saying things like, “Why are all girls such douches?”! lol

Sunshyne276's avatar

In all honesty, the moment you stop “looking”, you will probably find exactly what you had been looking for! Best wishes to you.

chyna's avatar

@Sunshyne276 Not to be rude, but I have heard that same old expression so many times and it is total bullshit. I know several people that are single, myself included now for a few years, and that just hasn’t happened. That expression just leads to false hope.

Sunshyne276's avatar

@chyna Well.. I disagree. I think a good relationship is one that happens by chance, not one that is sought out.

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shoebox's avatar

maybe…. your looking in the wrong places?

good luck though, she’s out there some where!

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faye's avatar

Your personality sounds somewhat conceited to me in this post. Slow down and just think what kind of vibes you might be putting out. I don’t date conceited men, maybe some of the girls you want feel the same as me.

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