Social Question

Palindrome's avatar

Are these signs of attraction?

Asked by Palindrome (1084points) August 13th, 2010

So I have a friend that’s basically one of my best friends. And whenever I’m around this friend we’re always laughing, always having a good time. This is the hard part, my friend has a significant other, but even before this friend was going steady with someone we always had this “attraction” I guess.
Idk if how we act towards one another should be called “flirting”? Hmm. How can I explain. On a scale from 1–10, I think we flirt on a level 3.
Here’s an example:
We went to the movies just to watch a movie and spend time with one another. Close to the middle/end of the movie, my friend wanted to talk about my love life. This friend would just give me this look and I’ve gotten this look before. It’s that look where the eyes are just so soulful and they look straight in your eyes & you can’t help but smile on the inside. I hate it because I’ve actually liked this friend before & every time we’re together I feel like I like this person even more. I mean I’ve read articles online about body language, but I just don’t know. So we’re whispering, but this friend is like really in my personal space while we’re talking. This friend would ask me a question and I would answer and they would go back to looking at the movie and look back at me, and our eyes would meet once again. Ugh! What do I interpret this as? When is it safe to bring up this thing I feel between us? I haven’t told this friend that I’ve liked them before, I’m waiting til they go off to the military to tell them. Should I also bring this up?

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17 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Well, are they happy with their relationship?

Palindrome's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I mean yeah, and at times I’m envious that that’s not me….

DrasticDreamer's avatar

How long has your friend been dating this person? And do they say “I love you”?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Palindrome Well, of course you’re envious – you like your friend, it’s clear. I’m not sure if looking deeply into your eyes means attraction on their part, though – I hope they’re not being manipulative with you, though.

Palindrome's avatar

@DrasticDreamer This friend has been dating their girlfriend for I think almost a year? & say we’ll be texting one day, my friend likes to say mean/playful things. So I’ll be like “Ahh you’re soo mean!” and my friend will be like “You know I love you, or I love you too” in response.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I see, but this friend isn’t the manipulative type. At least I think that’s the case…

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Palindrome Well, since he’s taken and you’re not completely in love, there is nothing to do but wait.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Yeah, I’m not sure. A year is kind of a long time… And if things are going well for them, I don’t think it’d really be right to say anything, for the time being.

Blackberry's avatar

I’d do what the above post said and play the waiting game, in my opinion.

BarnacleBill's avatar

If he knew you first, then started going with this other person, he’s not attracted to you in that way. Flirting with you is just part of the dynamics of your relationship.

Cruiser's avatar

There are clear signs of attraction on both sides of this friendship. One thing I find curious is you have gone out of your way to not identify your friend as either male or female and my guess is “they” are female and I would further ask if there is an issue of acceptance on your part to the dynamic of a same sex relationship?

phil196662's avatar

So your friend has a steady and you go to a movie and talk deep stuff and lock eyes as if communicating telepathically. sounds like a soul mate that deserves to know the truth! just be straight and also show respect for there committed relationship too.

Frenchfry's avatar

I would stay away from breaking up any relationship. If friendship means a lot to you. Plus I don’t like drama. I would tone down the flirting. especially in front of the S/O. Respect boundries. If they break up I would go for it. Probably not what you want to hear . I am sorry.

Palindrome's avatar

@Frenchfry It’s cool. I understand.

Palindrome's avatar

I told this person how I felt tonight.

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

Yes I would move on. Not fair to s/o on either part. Maybe s/o is terribly naive but that doesn’t give you reason to be uncool to her. I would confess and move on. Now. No waiting. No games. Everyone deserves to be clear on what exactly is going on .

Good luck. I do understand if it feels like what someone mentioned as a soulmate. ;)

Palindrome's avatar

@Crossroadsgrl Thank ya gal!
Well. I told my friend how I felt and FINALLY I got a clear answer. They told me that they liked me too. Everything was a roller coaster from then on though. First they thought it would be awkward and they wished I never told them. & then we became cool again, & then we got into a status update fight on facebook, & then their s/o found out, & we are now currently not friends anymore. For good..
I guess…we were never meant to be even though it felt so right at the time. Oh well. I’m looking forward from now on.

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

This sounds better to me. Even if you lost, you’re clear lol ;)
Better to put great attention on someone completely available :)

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