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Frenchfry's avatar

Do you share money with your S/O, or do you keep it seperate?

Asked by Frenchfry (7584points) August 16th, 2010

Some married people keep seperate accounts, and everything. I share my money, and he shares my. money. Vice Versa. I do, however have a seperate saving account that has just my name on it. Is that wrong? I put it away for Christmas. Mostly. He does not know about it. It’s trick I learned from my mother.

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31 Answers

Austinlad's avatar

Not saying this would work for everybody, but we kept a joint checking account that we both contributed to for shared expenses, but also maintained individual accounts. It worked well, but only when both off us contributed our full, pre-determined amounts.

Seaofclouds's avatar

My husband and I share money. We have two checking accounts and two savings accounts. I don’t think it’s wrong to have a savings account of your own, but the idea of hiding it from him would bother me. How do you think he will react if he found out you had money that you were keeping from him? I don’t think couples have to share all of their money, but they should be honest about what the plan is (in my opinion).

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

We share. Most of the couples that I know keep everything separate, which is probably smart, but my husband and I have always shared every cent we have.

Frenchfry's avatar

@Seaofclouds Well if he knew about it he will use the money for his boat and it is used for emergencies and christmas. I am more thrifty then he is. I also like the fact I can buy him a nice present and he would not know about it at christmas time and not know how much I spent. If asked I would say I save my pennies.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Frenchfry Whatever works for you. I know if I found out my husband had a secret account, I would be hurt and upset because we share our money and all of my money goes into the joint accounts. We have numerous accounts because they each serve a different purpose. If he wanted his own savings account to save money for other things, that’s fine, I would just want him to be honest about it and the opportunity to do the same. I just feel it’s wrong to secretly be putting your money aside and letting your spouse think you are putting all of your money into the joint accounts.

john65pennington's avatar

Her checking account. my checking account. OUR CD accounts.

Works much better, since both are retired. she is responsible for her account and i am for mine. she buys her expensive cigarettes with her money and i take care of the bills with mine, since i make more. CD’s are in both our names. this separation works for us, since having both our SS checks deposited in the same account would cause mass confusion and probably a divorce!

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

We share both our US and Canadian dollar accounts. What money we have is ours, regardless of its source. We make our financial decisions together. We have no need for separate accounts.

Trance24's avatar

For the most part our money is separate, however we do help each other out when needed.

NaturallyMe's avatar

We don’t have a shared account (all our accounts are opened in our own names, except a credit card that’s in my name but he has a card on there as well – 2 credit card accounts would be unnecessary and a waste of money as far as banking fees go), but what’s his is mine and what’s mine is his, so we share everything. Neither of us have any secret money hidden from the other, we know exactly where the other’s money is going.

second_guessing's avatar

We both have separate accounts, and a joint account.

BoBo1946's avatar

nope, i’ve learned the “old fashion way,” i’ll always have separate accts! could i really get into this question! but, not going there.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Once we marry, my fiancĂ© wants to hand over all financial responsibilities to me. He also prefers that we leave what I have saved up for a retirement fund. It seemed an odd request on his part, but I’m now on board with it. We are both frugal and like to keep things simple.

CMaz's avatar

Just depends on the dynamic of the couple.

truecomedian's avatar

@Frenchfry
YOu know, I’ve liked your style for awhile. This is a good question, but it’s a no brainer. It practically answers itself. It’s like me asking if I should meet up with my ex when I go to visit my daughter, it’s like, so what. I like the fact you have a secret account, you’re all prepared for a divorce. Sorry, kidding. Let’s keep it real, the answer is, you should tell your man about your account but convince him that you should have it. YOu have it so you should be able to explain why pretty easily. Tell him it gives you freedom and security, two things that he shouldn’t want to deprive you of. It also depends on how much money you have saved, if it’s under a thousand it’s chump change.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

We have a joint savings account that we put money in (though it’s been awhile now since we had any money to put away) and we have separate checking accounts but since I am the one that works and he’s the one that spends, he has full access to my checking account and my cards – we make all financial decisions together. I think, in comparison to him, I’m more transparent about money.

Frenchfry's avatar

@truecomedian You all have made me so guilty! Dam! mmm… I never meant to to be bad… I can’t believe I am the only one who stashes money away to surprise a loved one for like Christmas. My mom used to do that but hide away it in books. Then she would forget which book she put it in. I found a secret stash one time by accident, That is what she said to be. The only difference is mine is in account so I know where it is. I said it is not like it’s thousands…

Likeradar's avatar

@Frenchfry If it really is for Christmas gifts for him, why do you feel the need to lie by omission?
I think it’s reasonable for couples to keep some money separate for emergencies, mad money, rainy days, whatever. But not telling your partner is just dishonest, imho.

truecomedian's avatar

@Frenchfry
No need to trip, I say you have a quality problem. Where do I put my money, geez, sorry to hear about your problem. As far as guilt go, fuck it, it’s not like your stealing money he set aside to help the poor. I like how so many people get real fake and lie and say they’d give that bum a dollar, or do the most righteous thing. It’s her money, she probably has more.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Frenchfry I can still surprise my husband with gifts. If I want to buy him something as a surprise, I pay cash, but if I couldn’t pay cash (which has never happened), I could use a credit card and then pay it off immediately out of one of the accounts (we don’t carry balances on our credit cards). We have separate credit card accounts (ones we had before we got married). If he asked why I had to make a payment on the credit card, I would just tell him that I used it to buy a gift for someone. We rarely question each other’s purchases though, so it probably wouldn’t happen as long as our bills are paid.

BratLady's avatar

We have shared everything from day one. I’m too honest to hide anything from him. Your idea sounds nice in case of emergency. I know some men who spend every extra dime on sports equipment. Just saying I’ve tried hiding money for something special but end up telling him.

wundayatta's avatar

I think that in some cultures or economic classes, in a time when the man was relied on for everything financial, and his wife wasn’t supposed to spend anything without his permission, it was common for a woman to keep her own account or money. It was the only thing she had to protect herself should she get divorced. These were times when women usually did not have their own incomes. It was also common in households where the man would fritter away the money on drink or horses or something. It was a way for the woman to get food for the kids.

Nowadays, women are more likely to have their own money because they have their own jobs. If the family shares the incomes, then it seems good to have one account. The reason for having a secret account is to have extra savings for emergencies or surprises. This, it seems to me, would be in cases where the woman (or man) doesn’t trust the thriftiness of their spouse, or things that the relationship is heading for splitsville.

In your case, @Frenchfry, it seems like your mother was giving you advice from an earlier generation that may or may not have relevance to you. Only you know your husband’s character. However, you are following a tradition that is not uncommon in older times, especially in working class households, where everyone was living close to the edge.

Guilt, I think, should not drive your decision. If you need safety, then the account is important. If you need to save money for Christmas gifts, and that money wouldn’t be there if you left it in the joint account, then you should keep the account, and keep it private. It all depends on the spending and saving habits of your husband.

My wife and I share all our accounts, as far as I know. There was a time when I was considering trying to set up my own account—when I was thinking I wanted a divorce and I wanted to save money for a car and a separate house. I never went so far as to set anything up, and now it doesn’t matter. In any case, I never would have wanted to cheat her out of anything, if we had gotten divorced.

I don’t know how separate accounts work. It seems a little ridiculous to have to calculate each person’s share of all the bills. One would have to hire a full time accountant just for that, I think. Maybe people divide it up into responsibility for the mortgage and the car and all the separate other bills and try to make it work out according to their contribution to the household. Although I think the each member of the couple always contributes fifty percent no matter what they do. Resources of the couple are not derived from outside jobs. They are derived from the relationship, of which each member is always exactly half of the couple.

Of course, not a lot of people see things this way. They see income generating work as more important than household work. The woman is the servant of the man and blah blah blah. Thus separate accounts (of a different sort from yours).

Frenchfry's avatar

@wundayatta My husband would spend every dime we had on the boat. We call it (jokingly, Miss-no-float) It is a money pit. It does have sentimental value to him though. I normally go out to eat every payday with a cousin . I have not done that for 6 months. The money I would of gone out to eat with goes in the account for emergencies and Christmas.I don’t think I am lying to him, persay, he never asks and I don’t give out any information. Or am I? It will probably go to him for a nicer item for the boat like a expensive fish finder ,or something for Christmas, and my daughter. We have not so great Christmas the last two years. If a emergency happenes well bingo! I have the money. I am glad you somewhat understand .

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Frenchfry If you told him that you has a Christmas account, do you think he would want you to give him the money out of it? I think that sounds to be the bigger issue. It seems like you feel the only way you could have this extra money is to keep it a secret (which is another issue completely).

Likeradar's avatar

@Frenchfry If the agreement in your marriage is that all money is joint and you are withholding money without his knowledge, then yes. I believe you are lying to him.

wundayatta's avatar

However, lying is not necessarily a bad thing. If you go bankrupt because he spends all his money on the boat (that is an issue, too), then it would be a good thing to keep a secret account for emergencies. It has to be secret, or he’ll drain it for the boat. You are protecting your family by lying.

The other issue, though, is why do you go along with his proclivities for dumping money into the boat? I’m sure it’s his dream, but isn’t his family a dream, too?

YARNLADY's avatar

We have been married for 35 years so far, and have no need for separate accounts. I am a homemaker, and my Social Security check goes into a separate account, but he is a signatory on it.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

We aren’t married or even engaged but we do share money now that we’re living together and I’m fine with that. There is a rough budget of dividing the major bills but then things like eating out or movies are a play by play call as to who will pay.

perspicacious's avatar

When you are married there is no my money/your money.

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truecomedian's avatar

I think I’m totally clueless about what is going on with the question, I am too concerned possibly

Frenchfry's avatar

Awww! @truecomedian Thanks for your concern I am ok.

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