Social Question

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

I'm second guessing myself on a close relationship I have, am I gay or bi?

Asked by Vincent_Lloyd (3007points) August 17th, 2010

Okay…so basically I don’t know my sexuality so well like I said in the previous question…Honestly I don’t….But I met someone, just don’t know what to do. I’m friends with him now. But later on he said that he has feelings for me. And I’m totally fine with it… We always hug and snuggle together. I mean I’m not gay I wasn’t sexually attracted to him….But I mean we always did that. And the thing is, is that he has a boyfriend and stuff. And I met him too, real nice guy and he’s cool with me. Just that now that I think about it I’m sorta jealous…. But I don’t want to mess up the relationship they have. And the thing is, I don’t know who I am!
I’m just so confused I don’t know what to do….

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10 Answers

kenmc's avatar

Does it feel right?

Frenchfry's avatar

Boots is right. I kissed a girl once and it did not feel right. If you are comfortable with it maybe your Bi. You like both. You could also just be experimenting like I did. We just kissed.Do you like girls at all? Just take a breath and don’t rush into anything. Ask your friend about his and your relationship. What does he want from you?

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

@Frenchfry Yeah I mean I like girls way more, just that I don’t think of anything along the lines of that with anyone at my school. It’s only him. But idk feels different…But can’t tell if it’s a good different or bad…And he doesn’t want anything really…I’m not really sure….

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

It is definitely possible that this is just an experimental phase… which is absolutely normal. I also think that you feeling comfortable with exploring further is great. It is situations like this one that will help you to determine who you are, because we certainly can’t tell you. :)

I wouldn’t push anything that you don’t feel an urge to push, and I wouldn’t run away if you don’t feel the urge to do that, either. Just ride it out, and gauge your feelings. There isn’t really a right or wrong answer here. Just pay attention to your own emotions. (Which it seems like you are doing already.)

As for feeling a bit jealous, have you ever felt that way when someone that is just a close friend has moved on to a significant other or a new friend? Is it possible that the jealousy you’re feeling is that you are losing a closeness or intimacy with someone, and isn’t necessarily related to a sexual or romantic attraction?

meagan's avatar

You tell us. We can’t tell you if youre this or that. Only you know the real answer.

Smashley's avatar

I remember when I was growing up, people told me my boyfriend might be “just a phase” as well, and I remembered really resenting it. Even though it totally was…. kinda….

I was always unsure about my sexuality, and I was lucky enough to be friends with people to whom that wasn’t a problem, so I was free to explore without too much fear of what others would think. I had dated girls earlier in high school, but when I met this one boy, we hit it off famously as friends.

I’m not sure to this day if I was really attracted to him, or just that I enjoyed his company as a friend. He told me he was gay (I’d assumed, but hadn’t asked) and that he liked me a lot. It took me a few days to wrap my head around it, but ultimately, being a confused, horny, open-minded, teenager, I just went with it.

After a decade to think about all it, I decided to give up on labels altogether. Gay, Bi, Straight, Whatever. These are identities that we ascribe to ourselves. They aren’t hard and fast or something to be “discovered”. We like who we like, different people under different circumstances, for many different reasons, and that’s all there is.

The labels we use are useful to us to describe to other people the kinds of people we’re interested in, but no one term can really capture how each person feels.

I only mention this because you sound like you might be in something of a similar position, and I always wished I had had more advice from people who had been through it all, when I was a teen.

At this point, just make smart, responsible decisions, and try to muster up the bravery to talk plainly to people about sex and sexuality (in real life, the internet makes it too easy). I think it’s likely that your jealousy is more emotionally driven, because you are very close to your friend, while he is also much more intimate with another person. That’s a natural feeling.

CMaz's avatar

So he has a boyfriend but also snuggles with you?

Hetero, homo, or bi. He sounds like a player to me.

Also seems to be playing with your emotions. And/or, he is taking you at face value, that you are more in touch with your sexuality then you really are.

truecomedian's avatar

I think it’s so hot that you are jealous. What are you going to do, what can you do, being bi is hard, it’s like your not accepted from either side of the fence. I always say if you’re on the fence it’s because you like wood in your ass. Sorry is that saying too much. Fuck it. Stop being a trouble maker and going for a guy that’s taken, especially when you are unsure of your sexual wants.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Go slow and give yourself time to be clear what you really want and need. Then, whatever well considered decision you come to will feel right to you.

lapilofu's avatar

Take your time to figure out your sexuality—don’t worry too much about it. Most people get deep into their teenage years before their sexuality is clear to them—some people take even longer. Some people never figure it out and some people’s sexualities fall into the cracks between straight, bi, and gay.

My advice is to do what feels right when it feels right—within ethical limits. Don’t sweat the labels, but don’t break up someone’s committed relationship over something you’re not sure of. When the circumstances are favorable, you’ll figure out what you want. Or not, but you’ll have fun trying.

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