Social Question

le_inferno's avatar

Do you get offended when people ignore you, or do you give them the benefit of the doubt?

Asked by le_inferno (6189points) August 23rd, 2010

I’m talking about when you send someone a text or an email or a message, and they just straight up ignore it. You know they received it, but they just didn’t answer. Does this bother you? Do you take it personally? Or do you just chalk it up to the person forgetting to reply, getting distracted, etc? I know I’m guilty of sometimes forgetting to reply to a text or message, but sometimes (especially for repeat offenders) it’s just inexcusable. Especially when it’s someone you don’t know well, it seems snooty for them to not answer you. How do you feel?

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27 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Paranoia is an ugly thing—I just go to their house and beat the $hit out of them— ;))

Trillian's avatar

I don’t text people that I don’t know well. It is intrusive and a presumption of intimacy. I also don’t feel that people revolve their lives around me. So if I don’t hear back and it’s important. I’ll call and leave a vm. But usually my texts are not that important and I realize that people have other things to do.

Allie's avatar

Give them a break. Maybe they’re busy in the middle of doing something and they’ll get back to you later. Just because they’re online or they have their phone on doesn’t mean they can respond in .204 seconds. They’ll respond when they can.
On the other hand, if you think it has something to do with you personally, then maybe it does. Do you retext them when they don’t get back to you instantly? Do you IM them incessantly? Do you start to call them? ‘Cause that’s a bit much, and it can get super annoying. (Hint: People tend to not like annoyances.)
So next time, try to chill out. Some people are just busy. Go read a book or eat a snack.

Scooby's avatar

Forget about it! :-/

Jude's avatar

I’m guilty of this. I have had a lot going on and lately, I just don’t have it in me to email back. It’s nothing personal. It’s very wrong on my part, though.

I’m really, really bad with this.

I do plan on getting back to them..

I’m sorry, @le_inferno.

CMaz's avatar

I don’t care. Half the time I don’t respond.

Too much off the cuff stuff, when it comes to that form of communication.

jfos's avatar

Neither. If they’re going to respond, they’re going to respond.

zen_'s avatar

I know what you mean. I used to get offended but now I give the benefit of the doubt.

Aster's avatar

Yes, I’m offended and email them asking , “why, oh why have you done this to me? I sent you a loooong email and then you never replied.’

jfos's avatar

Sometimes I agree with the other person, and begin to ignore myself. Me absolutely hates when I do that.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I used to take such things deeply personally and as proof that I was a useless, unloved person. Now, not so much. It’s not all about me.

Akua's avatar

I don’t take it personal (not anymore). They may be driving or busy. But if it happens more often than not I will stop texting them.

Seaofclouds's avatar

It doesn’t bother me. I know that sometimes I’ll get a text when I’m in the middle of doing something else and I can’t respond and then end up forgetting about it because of what I was doing when I got the text. If someone sends me a text asking a question that they need the answer to, I’ll try to respond with a quick yes or no so they aren’t waiting for my answer. If it’s just a “hey how are you”, it can wait until I’m not busy. Since this is how I feel about it, I give my friends the same benefit and if I don’t hear back right away, I figure they are busy.

Akua's avatar

I feel this way: if it’s that important you’ll call.

muppetish's avatar

It depends on the person and situation. Normally, I don’t care. There are plenty of situations that could arise to keep them from responding to my messages. In one case, however, I was ignored for months in spite of my best efforts to contact the person.

In person, people often become paranoid that I’m ignoring them. I have a tendency to fall under a spell of silence and they think that must mean they are boring me and get uppity about it. I’m not bored, I’m listening.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Yeah, please give me a break on this! My intentions are good, but sometimes things…just…fly…away… I’m always deeply apologetic later. :-)

le_inferno's avatar

@Allie Whoa, harsh much? I’m not expecting anyone to answer me in .204 seconds. I’m not stressing or obsessing or constantly texting/IMing/etc. I’m talking about simply sending one message and the person never answers. I don’t mean “not immediately,” I mean “never.” I realize that sometimes it happens; like I said, I’m guilty of it. But when it does, sometimes, it’s a little insulting. It’s not a self-centered thing. I don’t expect the world to revolve around me. Is it so much to expect someone to respond when you contact them? I don’t care if it’s days later, as long as they show you the courtesy.

Aw, no worries @jjmah. What actually inspired this question was the flakiness question, which got me thinking about my uber-flaky friend. As well as a friend who recently complained about this very thing to me. I’m not the only one!

MacBean's avatar

How do you know they got it, unless you’re there with them? An in that case… why are you sending them the message in the first place?

I always give the benefit of the doubt.

janbb's avatar

I used to get upset, now that I’m more highly evolved and self-confident I don’t get upet or take it personally well, hardly ever.

le_inferno's avatar

@MacBean Well, you’re right, technically: You can’t know. But you can be pretty damn sure. For example, I know my friend who has a Blackberry gets frustrated when she sees our friend read her BBM, but never answered (That program lets you know when someone’s read your message). On Facebook, you can see if a person’s been online, and therefore been notified of your message. Same on Fluther.

CMaz's avatar

I’m sorry. What are we talking about?

Neizvestnaya's avatar

When I first learned to text then I thought it was like a phone call and so yes I got offended if I wasn’t responded to quickly. Now I see it’s one of those things you get to when you can or ignore if it’s mainly a banter back and forth of smiley faces. Other than from my love, a message of “hey wuz up?” is annoying when I’m slammed with incoming calls at work or otherwise engaged with other people in front of me. I hope I’m forgiven for skipping a few of those.

Ivan's avatar

Emails and IM’s I don’t really mind. Those can get buried pretty easily, people step away from their computer and forget, etc.

For some reason, I don’t feel the same way about texts. Maybe I’m just assuming that everyone has the same attitude towards texts as I do. I always have my phone on me. Even if I don’t hear/feel the alert, the first time I check my phone it says HEY! YOU HAVE A NEW TEXT! There’s essentially no excuse for me to miss a text. It takes me maybe 5 seconds to text someone. There are 24 hours in a day, if I can’t find 5 seconds to text someone, then I’m either an asshole or I’m the single busiest person on the planet.

perspicacious's avatar

Well, I have a way that is hard to ignore

Cruiser's avatar

I hardly blame them…I sometimes get jealous in that they have more important things to do than to answer my drivel…cold hard reality I have learned to live with. Water off a ducks back!!

anartist's avatar

I used to get paranoid or hurt or maybe angry, but now I am too tired to care, and forget sometimes myself.
@aprilsimnel in other words I feel much the same.

charmm7's avatar

It depends, if its someone in your family that ignores you, hell you dam right Ill get upset. But if its somene at your work or friends, I let it pass. One time I asked how things were going with my mom she never replied back and I dont know why that irritated me so much, but she replied back later and told me she was very bz. But when she e-mails me, I ALWAYS reply back to her immediatly

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