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Casablanca's avatar

My mom keeps on calling me fat what do I do to tell her to back off ?

Asked by Casablanca (17points) August 23rd, 2010

My mom tells me I’m fat everyday which is really pissing me off and making me feel like shit.

I have gained weight, but I still don’t think that is a reason to bring your daughter down, especially when I think there are much more important things in the world.

I used to weigh 117 in highschool, now I weigh 140…

My mom is a petite asian lady, 5’0 tall…. I feel like she’s just a bitch.

I did gain weight, but I am not morbidly obese.

I feel like slapping her whenever she says that, or telling her to “worry about her own damn self”.

I think she’s a bad role model and mom for doing this.

I eat 3 times a day, maybe 1 or 2 snacks like chips or a fruit, and I eat healthy stuff.

I feel like my mom is a shallow bitch, and ignornant. She told me after she gave birth to me she told me she ate 1 sandwich the whole day… what kind of woman does that?

I also told her she looks like an “Anorexic Stick” and she said “Thank you”.

I think she’s very hurtful and stupid, and I don’t know what to do.

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21 Answers

Seaofclouds's avatar

It sounds like you are both very hurtful towards each other. If this is how your relationship has always been, what else would you expect? Have you tried to sit down calmly with her and talk about it instead of lashing out back at her? Is there anything in particular that seems to bring on her comments about your weight? If you haven’t tried to sit down calmly and explain how you feel when she calls you fat, you need to do that. She may believe that by telling you that you are fat, you will do something to change that. Some people don’t understand that acting like that only makes matters worse. If you talk to her about it and she doesn’t change, politely tell her that you need some space from her and don’t talk to her about it anymore. If you are with her and she brings it up, leave. Don’t feed into it by continuing to argue with her about it though because that won’t solve anything and it will only make you feel worse. Good luck!

aprilsimnel's avatar

A bully is a bully, even if it’s your mom. Don’t give her a response like yelling and arguing with her. That’s what bullying feeds off of. As @Seaofclouds says, if calmly discussing it isn’t doing the trick, give yourself some space.

Whatever she’s saying, know that it’s her problem and not yours. Also remember, she honestly is doing the best she can, and it sounds as if she thinks that if you are “fat”, she is being a bad mom by not goading you into “doing something about it”.

Most people don’t realize that the carrot, not the stick, is what usually works.

muppetish's avatar

It’s obvious that you feel personally attacked by your mother, but I still feel as though I need more information in order to determine what sort of situation you are in… when your mother says that you are “fat” does she do so just for the sake of insulting you? I have a friend of Chinese descent whose mother always notes when her daughter has gained weight. She does so not to wreck the girl’s self-esteem, but out of concern for her health. Even if it is only a tiny difference in weight (five pounds) she will mention that she should go on a diet.

From my perspective, a jump in weight (whether visible or not) from 117 to 140 is a fairly drastic difference. It’s natural for any parent to be concerned by a number like that. I would never have treated you the way your mother has, but maybe she doesn’t know any other way of speaking to you about it?

That said, if your mother is purely doing this to insult you, then I’m deeply sorry about the foundation of your relationship with her. I know it’s difficult. But you should not be antagonistic toward her. You can’t change someone’s opinion by shouting at them (or becoming physically violent.) You just can’t (believe me – I used to try.) Even if she doesn’t show you respect, try and be as level-headed as possible when staking your argument.

If you’re perfectly comfortable with the weight you’re at, just tell her that you don’t want to talk about it and walk away. Sometimes, people just don’t want to listen.

I apologize if any of my post is offensive in any way. Sometimes I’m horrible at wording things.

daytonamisticrip's avatar

I feel your pain, just keep in mind that she loves you and i know you love her

Casablanca's avatar

@Seaofclouds – No it hasn’t always been this way, we both love each other, but it’s just been recently she calls me fat, and it gets on my nerve. and she tells me “You’re so big now” and to “Stop eating” – When I haven’t eaten breakfast yet.

I haven’t sat down calmly to talk to her.

She doesn’t seem to have concern for me to be healthy and exercise, I think she makes herself feel better my calling me that.

woodcutter's avatar

she may be trying in her way to help you with your future. Heavy people are almost the norm nowadays but it isn’t normal, not really. Everything else being equal, the heavier people have a harder time getting the good jobs. If a svelte, equally qualified applicant applies for the same position you do it should be no surprise to anybody the skinny person will win. It’s not fair but that’s how it is. Could be she worries about you being in that position and is handing out some tough love while you are still young. As we age the weight is so hard to lose and maybe she doesn’t want to see you head down that road too far. And we haven’t even touched on the health problems that will sneak up on you later in life when you least need it. Try too adjust your lifestyle some and get better while you still can. That might be the ticket to get her off your butt. You are not a kid anymore.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@Casablanca Has she always been petite? People that have never had a weight issue do not understand what it is like and often times don’t know how to talk to someone about it. Just saying “you are so big now” seems like an observation to me and not an attack. The “stop eating” sounds like her way of trying to tell you what to do to lose the weight (because she doesn’t know any better). It may not seem like she is concerned, but honestly, if she wasn’t concerned, she wouldn’t be saying anything at all. Talk to her calmly about it. Explain to her that her comments hurt your feelings. Do you feel like you need to lose weight? If so, have you started doing anything about it? If you feel like you need to lose weight but are being unsuccessful, it’s going to cause you more stress when she makes comments. Explain everything to her and tell her that what you need most of all from her is support and understanding. Good luck!

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
daytonamisticrip's avatar

@Piper_Brianmind That crosses the line and was very insensitive.

Piper_Brianmind's avatar

I haven’t been here in a while, so I don’t really remember how quoting goes, sorry. But I was just trying to get a chuckle out of the young lady, seeing as just about everything else had already been said. Or certainly should’ve been by now… Heh. Guess not. In that case… cracks knuckles
My ex treated me about the same way. Except instead of outer things like “fat, skinny, bad hair, etc” it was personal inner stuff.. Deep cutting insults like “stupid, retarded, idiot”, etc. Having your intelligence insulted is alot more hurtful than some physical thing that one would presume is changable.. or at least.. it wouldnt be as big of a deal to sacrifice as say… personality. But with people like this…. my ex, your mom, a bajillion other people in the world… all it really takes is just pretend you’re listening. In one ear and out the other.

TL;DR I’ve found that once you discard all extraneous respect for a person, you no longer feel the need to listen to all the stupid things they say. My mom is drunk 90% of the time. There came a point where it was time to stop taking her seriously. And you should do the same. Maybe she was joking. I can’t be the judge. Only you can, really. So once you establish that, put her words out of your mind and do whatever works for you. The additional stress she’s putting on you would probably just make the weight worse. Don;t know if she realizes that…

MissAnthrope's avatar

Personally, I’d be tempted to say something like, I may be fat, but you’re ignorant.. and at least I can lose weight.

jazmina88's avatar

My mom still is rude and she is 91. I’ve been sick and lost 12 lbs. this week and she says “Good”. I look at the scale and decide whether or not I’m okay for the day.

Do not listen. It can do brutal things to you. I know.

My mother is an aries, she never backs off. I’m an old woman too. But stand up for yourself.

Piper_Brianmind's avatar

And do it early. Otherwise you’ll fall into a pattern of submission and always end up punishing yourself for believing things that you should’ve ignored instead of just moving on from the beginning. Believe me. It sucks. It is one of the worst patterns to fall into…

perspicacious's avatar

You couldn’t really be fat at 140 even if you are short. You don’t mention your age so I don’t know if staying away from her is possible.

Brian1946's avatar

How tall are you and does your mother smoke?

Casablanca's avatar

I’m 5’3….. but don’t think 140 looks even that big even for my height…

No she doesn’t smoke, she is cranky naturally :)

@jazmina88 – Thanks I like your answer,

oh and I’m 19, my mom is 54.

@MissAnthrope – GREAT answer :) I’m sure gonna tell her that lol

Delfreece's avatar

Well you have only gained approx. 23 pounds and that is not much. I bet you still look as good as you always have. When people comment on my over weightness, I tell them ‘that when time gets bad and food is hard to find or get, I will have a store house that will keep me alive, while you’re deteriorating’. Maybe they will see that your subtle weight gain is not something to be overly concerned about afterall.:-)

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
carnietta's avatar

I have been in the same boat with my “mother” not only telling me i am fat whenever i see her but also tells me who else thinks the same. She is emotionally abusive and I believe that she hates me.I have now decided to withdraw from her completely and also don’t help her any more. I have acted as her sole provider for 17 years after my father died and it was only after I became very ill that I no longer assist her in the same way i did before. Still she just hates me and I will now cut ties with her. i think that someone as abusive as her can look after themselves. I am now speding all my time looking after and loving myself and i am much happier.

efaalcaraz's avatar

I feel you. My mom always tells me I’m fat, and should do exercises, jog around everymorning. She keeps on telling me every hour when she’s at work she will call or text just to say that I need to move my body so I can lose weight but I am not fat. I think I am in a good shape and I am physically active, i swim everyday and do some exerci
ses too. But she thinks that it is wrong, I don’t know what to do. She said that it should keep me challenged and motivated but I feel so down right now.

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