Social Question

john65pennington's avatar

Is it possible to live off Pop Tarts and cold beer?

Asked by john65pennington (29187points) August 25th, 2010

My wife is in another state….babysitting for two weeks. i am not the best cook in the world and fixing food for one person is just not feasible. Too many leftovers. So, can a person exist with just having a Pop Tart for breakfast, lunch and dinner? No more than two beers a day? Will i die of starvation, before my wife returns?

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46 Answers

JilltheTooth's avatar

Starvation, no. Boredom, yes. Why only have PopTarts when there all those great little frozen microwavable snacks out there that will give you gas and are really yummy? So many choices, and no one to care if you fart!

muppetish's avatar

This reminds me of something a friend said when his mother didn’t want to leave him home alone for a week: “But mom, I have hot pockets!”

Jude's avatar

Pick up the phone and order something. :)

john65pennington's avatar

JilltheTooth, you made me laugh. you are so correct. i had given frozen dinners a thought, but i have a pantry full of Pop Tarts that are about to expire. actually, a strawberry Pop Tart and a cold beer go good together.

john65pennington's avatar

Muppetfish, does this fit my situation?

JilltheTooth's avatar

Jeez, that’s a helluva lot of PopTarts.

john65pennington's avatar

I know, this is why i asked this question.

boxer3's avatar

I think you’d survive- but probably feel very tired and sluggish, and really sick of pop tarts.

Austinlad's avatar

I guess it’s possible to survive, but I wouldn’t call it living.

bob_'s avatar

You most likely wouldn’t die right away. How are your blood sugar levels?

My advice: go make yourself a sandwich.

GeorgeGee's avatar

It’s not as bad as one might think. Heavy on the carbs, but at least fruit flavors of pop tarts have some vitamin C. Have a glass of skimmed milk with your breakfast instead of a beer and you’ll improve the overall nutrition by quite a bit. Snack on an apple to get some fiber, and you’re good for a fair while. Of course real food is preferable, but this isn’t going to kill you within the time you describe.

Aster's avatar

I think you’ll become weak from lack of protein and vitamins. At least pop a multiple with your poptart.

Seek's avatar

Ugh. Pop Tarts hurt my teeth. What a waste of 350 calories. (though, sometimes I think they’re the only things keeping my son alive).

Don’t you have a microwave? I mean, cup-o-noodles, hot pockets, frozen pizza… swing by the grocery store and get one of those ready-made veggie and dressing trays, and maybe a shrimp wheel. And take your vitamins.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

No. Hell no. If that was all I had, then please drown me in the beer and bury me with the Pop Tarts.

Surely you can grill a steak, right? Well, grill some corn on the cob, too. Bake a potato for an hour or so before you light the grill, and you’ll have a delicious meal. Do a salad instead of the potato, and you’re even better.

keobooks's avatar

I think eventually you’d become diabetic from processing all of the sugar, carbs and alcohol. But it would probably take several years.

Good lord! You’re a grown up! You can READ, right? You can DRIVE, right? You are allowed to handle money on your own, right? Go to the freakin grocery strore and buy yourself some frozen dinners. READ the directions and heat them up, via microwave if you have one or stove if you’re allowed to work it all by yourself. And you know how the TAP on the SINK works, right? There’s some water for you.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

You can survive on them for two weeks. People have gone longer than that with no food. Just hide the handgun so you don’t put yourself out of the misery.

zannajune's avatar

You’ll more than likely become severely constipated. Your body will be very deficient in many essential nutrients. But I don’t think you would die.

Go buy some apples, oranges, baby carrots, bananas, or any other fruit/vegetable. Those don’t take anymore work than a pop tart does.

lewispratt's avatar

coming from a student, i think you could at least last a week on that nutritional diet! Just get every different flavour they do so there’s no boredom!!

And can’t see why people are so astonished… i don’t think he was actually serious!!

lonelydragon's avatar

I’m a woman and can cook (somewhat), but I could go for some beer and pop-tarts! Beer has lots of calories, so you won’t get hungry, though I’m not sure that eating all those carbs is healthy for you. Here are some other alternatives:

1. Fresh fruits and veggies (as @zannajune suggested)
2. Canned soup (tomato or chicken noodle). Tasty and easy to make!
3. Burritos. All you need are some tortillas, the toppings of your choice, and a can of refried beans. All you have to do is heat the refried beans on the stove for a little while and then, presto, add it and your toppings to the tortilla.

Good luck!

P.S. If you’re worried about your Pop-tarts going stale, I’d be happy to take a box or two off your hands. It would be a great sacrifice, but I’d do it for you. ;)

GeorgeGee's avatar

LonelyDragon! Hugs from Answerbag :D

talljasperman's avatar

try toaster strudels… they have better filling…and real icing… I once lived a month on Frutopia ,mars bars and chicken fried rice…I got really sick and ended up ordering a pizza and skipping the month of college and failing out

Berserker's avatar

You won’t die of starvation. Two weeks of eating bullshit and just drinking beer won’t kill you, but depending on your age and health, you could start feeling a little weak and sick at times.
Professional alcoholic here, trust me. If anything, if you don’t wanna cook, go out to Subway once in a while.
It’s pretty filling and it’s all good food, if you’ve got a bit of cash on you. If not, (Seven bucks a meal is a little a lot, I think, but then I don’t eat there every day, so.) go to your local grocery place and get some prepared salads, or throw a good fifteen bucks on fresh meat and ham and make yourself some sandwiches. Should last you a bit, give or take. Or hell, just buy some of those ’‘Chunky’s’’ soup cans.

A lot of cheap but not necessarily bad things at the grocer’s will be a hell of a lot better than…goddamn ass tarts.

Mom2BDec2010's avatar

I think you’d get tired of the poptarts and find something else. Lol.

Frenchfry's avatar

Try toaster strudels. They taste better and are better for you. Light beer or regular?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

YES, people have survived off less many times in history.

NaturallyMe's avatar

You’ll probably survive for those 2 weeks. And then need a major detox afterwards.

JilltheTooth's avatar

It just hit me…you said that the PopTarts were about to expire? Let me educate you, here. If the expiration date on the package says it expires 08/10, that means you have eight to ten years before worrying. The POP in the name is an acronym for “Polyester; Origin, Petroleum”. The “Tart” is what they add on to make it sound edible. So, knowing that, feel free to let them sit in the pantry awhile longer while you indulge in pizza, burritos, and those little greasy snacky things that your wife really expects you to eat while she’s gone. You wouldn’t want to disappoint her, now would you?

GeorgeGee's avatar

I heard about someone opening a time capsule from 25 years ago, and they ate the can of Pringles from the capsule without any ill effects. “A little stale, but still pretty tasty”

keobooks's avatar

I’m just really glad my husband wouldn’t be this helpless if left on his own for two weeks. Except that he’d likely be eating off paper plates every day so he didn’t have to do any extra dishes, I’m more than confident that he’d have full meals for himself.

I just think it’s sad in this decade to see some guy this out of water when his wife goes away.

GeorgeGee's avatar

Nothing personal @keobooks but I find that really offensive. This former husband has spent 4 years in chef school and doesn’t need anyone’s help thank you to find groceries and cook dinner. Nor does he need any help finding the dishwasher or starting it. The incompetent husband is such a tired cliche in the USA, let’s bury it and not talk about it anymore, ok?

bob_'s avatar

@GeorgeGee Dude, it’s not like she said all men are like that. Do you really think @john65pennington‘s plan is responsible? I just hope he’s kidding.

zen_'s avatar

Yes, from experience I can tell you it is not only possible, but highly recommended. Try Carlsberg beer/Raspberry Survival flavour for best results.

Jabe73's avatar

Technically yes. Why not order out instead? This makes me glad I’m a good cook :)

keobooks's avatar

@GeorgeGee you need to chill out. I specifically meant this guy. I find the idea that this guy is going to eat nothing but Pop Tarts and beer because he can’t manage anything else to be PATHETIC. I’ve known 8 year olds who could get by better than that themselves in the kitchen. As I’ve said before, I can’t believe there is a man in this decade who can’t figure out how to feed himself when his wife is out of the house.

MY husband can cook just fine. He just hates dishes and DOES eat on paper plates when given the chance because HE HATES TO DO DISHES. It’s no tired old cliche—he really hates to do them and will eat off paper plates. I never said he needed help finding the dishwasher. He does the dishes more than I do. The difference between us is that I would have a huge sink full of dirty dishes. He’d have a perfectly clean kitchen because he won’t eat off the plates! My husband is tidier than me, but just about as lazy as I am about housework—so this would be his solution.

Where do you get off coming into this thread, where some pathetic guy is actually LIVING the stereotype you are so offended by and get off harping on me, because I called him on it? Go yell at that guy and leave me alone. Yes, this is personal. I don’t insult someone and then say “nothing personal” first.

I’m offended by your attack on me because it seems that you didn’t even bother reading what I actually wrote. You somehow managed to miss the initial post of this thread and how pathetic it was, and you zoned in on me—who called this schlub out for being a big lazy lummox. I’d be ashamed to be married to someone like him.

bob_'s avatar

@keobooks hear hear! * applauds *

@zen_ make her a sandwich!

JilltheTooth's avatar

@keobooks and @GeorgeGee : Gosh, I just thought the question was cute and funny. Oh, oblivious me!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Mellow people. The question is meant to be humorous.

JilltheTooth's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe; Yeah, I thought my initial fart joke would’ve tipped them off…

GeorgeGee's avatar

I also assumed this question was intended as tongue-in-cheek humor. It’s the “I just think it’s sad in this decade to see some guy this out of water when his wife goes away.” that’s irritating. Taking the question literally and assuming the guy is incompetent is exactly the problem.

keobooks's avatar

I probably would have found it funnier had I not just had a friend who is nine months pregnant and her husband is refusing to do any housework because he slightly twisted his ankle. He never did much around the house before, but he promised to start doing some because she was getting so big and tired that she needed some “help”. A few days later, he still hadn’t done anything to help her out and when she complained, he went outside and suddenly twisted his ankle. Now for the last few weeks he’s done nothing but sit on the couch and moan in pain. Not only is my friend doing all the housework, but she’s tending to his poor boo-boo as well.

This stuff is real. I am also nine months pregnant, but my husband has taken over most of the housework because I can’t bend or stand very long any more. He’s always done at least his fair share. I was VERY offended that @GeorgeGee would accuse me of some sort of gender bias because I happened to mention a real quirk of my husband’s.

JilltheTooth's avatar

@keobooks : Well, congratulations! I wish for you a swift and simple labor and delivery, a healthy child, and all the blessing in the world! Sorry, I always get really sappy about babies :-)

CyanoticWasp's avatar

What would you like on your sandwich, @keobooks?

keobooks's avatar

@CyanoticWasp—ehh I’m not picky. Just make a salami sandwich with poptarts instead of bread, slap on some about to expire mayonaise and toss me a couple of beers while you’re at it. I heard somewhere that I could survive for a few weeks on just that.

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