Social Question

water_123's avatar

Why are guys players, and why do they become one?

Asked by water_123 (120points) August 25th, 2010

Ive been wondering this for awile, and would like guys opinion to help me understand it. If anyone was a player why were you one

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42 Answers

nellybar's avatar

Not all guys are players…
But those that are probably feel good to be in control of something, this being a number of different women that they don’t have to feel emotionally attached to.

TexasDude's avatar

I’m definitely not a player. I have a tendency to be super monogamous, actually.

That said, I think that males are both socialized (culturally and socially inclined) and biologically predisposed to this sort of behavior. There have been some studies which suggest that human males are evolutionarily suited and inclined to have multiple sexual partners, not that this is any justification to behave in a way that is destructive to women.

Culturally, boys are encouraged from a young age to “play the field” and to not be emotional (which is required for functional pair bonding in humans), so that is also an explanation.

So blame nurture and nature.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Weak boys are players.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Because they think that’s where their worth lies. They’re wrong.

rebbel's avatar

Note also that guys are not players, some guys are.

ucme's avatar

Even the word “player” makes me fucking cringe. No i’m more of a stayer, which is good for both me & the Mrs. :¬)

bob_'s avatar

Because they like to play. Alternatively, some women are bitches because they like to be bitches.

ipso's avatar

Are you kidding me? There are most definitely women players out there.

I have been “victim” to there shallow advances and lame pickup lines many times.

Q: Why?
A: Because they can!

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@ipso-They are weak girls.

christos99's avatar

A male who is skilled at manipulating (“playing”) others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. Possibly derived from the phrases “play him for a fool”, or “play him like a violin”. The term was popularized by hip-hop culture, but was commonly recognized among urban American blacks by the 1970s. A certain class of low-rent, slack-jawed fuckups has decided that backstabbing and misogyny are totally radical, so the word is sometimes used as a compliment or term of endearment between male friends, as in the greeting “what’s up, player?”

*cited from the urban dictionary

Plone3000's avatar

@ipso, I agree. Personaly I see more girls with guys raped around there fingers, as oposed to the other way around. I have fell victim to this many times.

wgallios's avatar

Its a numbers game, were just looking out for our best interest. There is so much beating around the bush that goes around with meeting a female sometimes, why wait so long for one person? First you got to meet them, flirt, go on a few dates, then maybe success. That could take months, and I’m not waiting that long ;p Maybe if people didn’t screw around (no pun intended) there might be no need to a “player”. But if her schedule doesn’t match, someone in my phone will. For me it’s all about availability.

Also for me its all about the game or hunt of the entire situation. Maybe its some male trait, but its all about conquering something. Just the idea of knowing you can go out there, meet someone, and do what you can go get them in bed makes it extremely fun.

Besides whats the point of being locked down to one person? If you don’t plan on marrying that person why waste your time pretending its going to be something its not and just have fun. Thats worse than being a player in my opinion (and yes I’ve been married). Seriously if your under 35 years old, lose the handcuffs. There is nothing wrong with having [safe] fun.

I know I would rather look back and think, “wow I had a good time”, than, “wow I dated [females name] for 10 years in my twenties; now I’m single, and had no fun”. But to each his own I guess.

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

Hmm that’s a good question and I’ve also been thinking of that also. But I’m not a player I’m a one woman, man. But What I think the reason why they do it is because they want fill an empty hole that they must have in their life, that being said mostly with women rather than with object….But some of the time it goes where a guy goes out with a girl and really likes her, but then another woman comes on sexually to him and goes with that girl, but doesn’t tell the current GF, but ya know, the truth hurts, but I think it’s always good to stay with one than go with more than one. Ya know what I mean?

Tomfafa's avatar

I had an arranged date (blind date) I decided to take a chance… on good advice… so I made a picnic basket with all the trimmings and toys. The girl took a look at my ‘72 chevy pick-up and stormed off!! Girls deserved what they get! Bull me no shit!

wgallios's avatar

@Vincent_Lloyd & @nellybar why does it that the person who is a player needs to fill something in their life or is wanting to get some other emotional satisfaction from it. Perhaps for that person it is simply pure fun. Perhaps its the same type of fun when someone thinks of going mountain climbing or something.

You wouldn’t say that the person who loves to go mountain climbing and climbs multiple mountains is filling some void in their life, perhaps its just pure sport.

I think @Tomfafa brought up a good point, it really boils down to, don’t hate the player, hate the game. Just perhaps some men are more willing to take the mistreatment from a female in fear of losing her just because they finally got to be with a pretty girl. Maybe the “one woman man” has just as many insecurities as “player” does.

Blackberry's avatar

Some men also become players because of Tomfafas situation. I was screwed over by a woman as well so in my mind I’m saying, “Ok fuck this…I’ll just screw them only and keep my own sanity and finances in order.”

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Players are guys with low self-esteem who seek to validate themselves by multiple sexual conquests. This is doomed to fail in the long run.

Ponderer983's avatar

@Dr_Lawrence Thank you for that. I could not have put it better myself.

Tomfafa's avatar

One thing I know for sure… get screwed once… it will happen again!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@wgallios I’m assuming by ‘success’ you mean sex and sure for that any hole will do, right? You sound charming.

Dewey420's avatar

Men are more in touch with their own mortality. It’s common knowledge among men the more ***** you get the longer you’ll live.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Dewey420 What a load of crap. Sorry.

Tomfafa's avatar

@Dewey420 If those stars are… that… I should live to 225.

Pistol's avatar

Not all men are players first off.

There are those who feel self entitled to have sex when they want it, where they want it and how they want it. It’s just a major character flaw.

Then there are those who fall into sticky situations where booze and opportunity are presented and one thing leads to another.

Then there are guys that have just been forgotten.
If you withhold sex from your guy or significantly reduce quality/quantity, eventually he will find someone that will give him the attention he desires.

You both must realize that relationships are about sacrifice and not about exchange. Niether of you are entitled to the other. Your relationship will never be what you want until you both give yourselves completely to the other person. Or just have more sex. But if you do the first, the second will follow.

le_inferno's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I’m not sure she was being completely serious.

Guys are players as soon as they realize they can get away with it. Sometimes they just seek the thrill of it, of sleeping with a different woman every night, or weekend, or whatever. It’s a game. They become players because they let their sexual impulse take control. It’s easier to sleep around with no strings attached than to really give yourself to someone, to put yourself out there, to be vulnerable, to care. That’s why some guys prefer to be players than to settle down.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@le_inferno Didn’t know it was a girl. Guess it doesn’t matter.

le_inferno's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Lol, he’s not. My bad. His photo looks like a woman when it’s small, no? leaves before Dewey finds out

zen_'s avatar

I’m a playa. I’m that cool.

Smashley's avatar

Their just following their urges, and are too dumb to make long term better decisions or at least let people know what they’re thinking: that they only intend to date for friendship and sex, and are not interested in a 1 to 1, committed relationship. There’s not much difference between a player and a polyamorist, except how they play with people’s hearts.

Dewey420's avatar

@zen_ is a playa. Can I has my women back now?

Frenchfry's avatar

Just like women are sluts. They love sex. and are not ready for the commitment thing yet.

Deja_vu's avatar

Woman are players too!

rts486's avatar

I agree with ipso; Because they can. Also, I’m willing to bet there are more women players out there than men.

Dewey420's avatar

Player Haters. jk
I’m just jealous because I can’t even get one girl, much less a pick of the litter.

shelley's avatar

It’s animal instinct, male species are naturally destined to impregnate as much as possible hence why they seek variety and numerous partners; and women are destined to look after their children and provide a good environment. Also hormones play a big part. Society has just evolved so that cheating is bad, then it becomes naughty to cheat and adds excitment and so on. This is not to say all men cheat, but not one man out there can deny they think about having sex with various women often, even if they do manage to keep it in their pants.

wgallios's avatar

@shelley well put. There isn’t a man that I have sat down with that hasn’t talked about having sex with someone other than their wife/significant other, this includes guys that have been married for 40+ years. Of course they would never talk like that in front of females.

yeaiknow's avatar

i think the true question is why do women feel they need to use guys or people in general to get what they want. its women that lead men on that turn men into players. they start to feel that some women are bitches and dont care. this whole stereotype that men dont care about women is false. men fall harder than women. i am not a player and have never used a women for anything, ive been in a situation to and couldnt go through because i repect another persons feelings.

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