Social Question

MoxieGal's avatar

Men: What's your online dating strategy?

Asked by MoxieGal (358points) September 1st, 2010

Well, I’ve gone and done it. Dumped myself back into the online dating pool after several months of much needed time to myself.

As I browse through several ads on OKCupid I can’t help but wonder just what is it that makes a guy send a gal a message.

So, single men in the audience… How do you pick a winner out of the crowd? Do you scan the pics till you come to one that makes your neither regions take notice? or Is it all about her wit and intelligence? Are there some absolute deal breakers for you, no matter how cute she is?

P.S. Oh, and just what is it that makes a guy think that us girls just “love” those naked chest shots of them in the bathroom mirror? (sheesh)

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24 Answers

Frankie's avatar

As a female I cannot answer your question, but lurve for the P.S. at the end…those naked chest shots in the bathroom mirror have got to be one of the most ridiculous things that has come about since the invention of online profiles and cell phone cameras. It’s the international mark of a dumb, toolish d-bag. Kind of like Ed Hardy clothing.

TexasDude's avatar

Hey there MoxieGal. I actually met my wonderful girlfriend on Okcupid.

Though I am pretty atypical compared to most guys (I don’t show off my chest and I don’t send messages out that say ‘sup babe u wan hook up i can be ur sugar daddy hot mami”)

I do think my advice can still be helpful.

What I did, is answer as many of the questions as I could (I think I finally got to about 1400 questions). This increases your match percentages with potential matches.

After that, I used the search feature to search girls in my area and I ranked them by highest match percentage to lowest percent. I am not one to think with my dick, so I would pick girls that I thought were both physically attractive and mentally interesting and then message them based on something from their profile that I thought was interesting.

I initially got quite a few replies and got a few numbers before finally meeting my lady in person and instantly hitting it off (we were matched 88%)

Say a cute girl said she was interested in violin and hiking on her profile… I’d send her a message like this:

Hey there (name), it’s a lovely foggy sunday here and I’m just sitting here wondering what style of violin you play? Go on any interesting hikes lately?

Something like that.

About pictures, emphasize your good features. Use good lighting (early morning and late afternoon light makes you look alluring and mysterious) and be honest about your qualities. If you are overweight, don’t hide it. Also, remember to smile. “Action” shots and pictures showing your talents. My girlfriend’s profile had a picture of her standing on a big round boulder in Norway and I knew it would be lurve at first message.

For me, though, the biggest attraction factors were always:

Cute, not trashy, pictures.
Uniqueness of interests and quirkiness.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Frankie @MoxieGal Me too. It’s especially weird when there’s nothing there – I mean, at least when it’s a buff guy who clearly spends 2 hours a day at the gym (nothing hotter than a guy who’s too busy trying to get you to be with you), they have something to show. But the skinny, pasty, pale ones who look like they’re the one chemo patient who managed to keep their hair? I don’t post pictures of my thigh cellulite..

Coloma's avatar


‘chemo patient’ hahaha—not nice but funny! lol


Yes, well said, uniqueness of interest and quirkiness, intellect.

Okay, can’t help myself here, my last online dating profile had a fairy tale humor theme to it, expressed a warning for those of unsavory character that this princess had no qualms about chopping down ones beanstalk. lol

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Coloma I would never judge an actual chemo patient for looking like they were dying (because they are…). The judgment is just reserved for those who think that it’s a sexy look.

Coloma's avatar


Oh no, I was just kidding around, it’s cool. haha

Dewey420's avatar

I kinda just add on to a site and see if anyone lives near me.. and if they do i’ll talk to them and if they seem friendly I will prolly as them to go to a movie sometime.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Yeah ok so you don’t like the hairy canary chest shots in the mirror do ya? Well lemme’ tell ya what I don’t like… and it’s on practically every gals What I’m looking for… section.

In one way or another, it seems you ladies mostly all, “Want somebody who can make me laugh”.

Hahahahahaha… Then date a fucking Clown you floosies!

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Because wanting someone who can make us laugh is bad?

What exactly is it that makes me a floosie, wanting to laugh? Or all you calling all women floosies?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

As if… anyone’s jocular disposition is controlled by someone else. I don’t make you laugh any more than I make you cry. If you want to laugh, then laugh. I adore laughing women. But it is not my responsibility to make you laugh any more than it’s my responsibility to make you find a bargain basement shoe sale.

You may find me funny. You may find me absolutely repulsive. But I didn’t make you find me that way. You found me that way all on your own.

When I read a profile where a woman claims that she’s looking for a man to make her laugh, that’s a sure fire signal which tells me that she’s not comfortable with her own self esteem.

Just say, “I love to laugh”... and that means we can both share the laughter together, rather than putting such pressure on a dude to be the comedian on stage performing for a private audience of one.

Coloma's avatar


A woman that likes to be around an upbeat humorous guy usually has a damn good self esteem, I know I do, and I like to be funny one.
I think what most of those women really mean is they hope you are an upbeat, fun guy, full of good humor.
It’s the negative Eeyore types that do a number on self esteem. lol

Jabe73's avatar

The reason guys send women messages is because they know the average to attractive looking women will not send them a message first. Then you have the aggressive “alphamailers” who will send out the same message to 50 women a day until they get a response.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Coloma And also, the judgmental ones who condemn you for being less than original and thorough in an online dating profile.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies You may find me funny. You may find me absolutely repulsive. But I didn’t make you find me that way. You found me that way all on your own. Reading that was a huge ‘Aha!’ moment for me. It explains why some people claim that I have no sense of humor when I find their jokes or pranks not funny and why I laugh hysterically until tears are rolling down at things other people say.

Just say, “I love to laugh”... and that means we can both share the laughter together will only work if the type of humor that makes one laugh is specified. And it might even help with the online dating site matching process it the ‘likes’ were worded as such.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@papayalily If you knew me, you’d realize what a well meaning harmless sarcastic bastard I am. If you don’t know me, you’ll believe I’m a pig.

“Floosie” was specifically used as a word that could get the point across without being too offensive. Point being, that men don’t want the pressure of making a woman laugh any more than a woman will say in her profile that She wants “to make a man laugh”, which would actually go a lot further in attracting a male. For it means that “I’m secure with myself, and I’ll share that security with you”.

No judgment or condemnation intended. Just answering from my personal experience with the desire that it may help the concern of the question’s intentions.

phoebusg's avatar

Pure honesty – open dialog. Sharing. Making true compliments (things that exist, and should be complimented – because we all have a lightly more negative image of ourselves than another).

Coloma's avatar

I am not dating right now, but, the number one rule for me has always been, move it along quickly.

A couple of emails, a phone call, a meeting, within a week or so. Not weeks and weeks of email.

You have to do the face to face thing asap to see if there is potential.

Scooby's avatar

I don’t do on line dating. If I see a woman I like & I think likes me ( just going on eye contact) I’ll talk to her, if she seems to be happy with that I’ll see how far it goes… I always introduce myself first & ask if I can invite them for a coffee after a little small talk, ya never know.. Too many nutters on line for me to be bothered to trawl through……. Sooner do it the old fashioned way, up front.. :-/

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Ok, well it means prostitute, so that’s where I get offended.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Well if that’s all it means, it wouldn’t be so bad. Can’t knock a gal for trying to make a living with what she has to work with. Floosie also means disreputable or promiscuous, having nothing to do with prostitution whatsoever. And in light of the question, and my answer to it, these women often date Clowns.

The word floosie, as I have spelled it, has also been captured by pop culture to mean wild or crazy in a non offensive way or as branding identity for flirtatious women.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I have no problem with prostitutes, but its still considered an insult – you don’t call someone you like or respect it. It certainly wasn’t a compliment. Also, every time I’ve heard it, its been kinda “that’s not a word you call the woman down the street who sleeps with married men – that would be vulgar. It’s what you call her when she sleeps with YOUR married man”.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Now that’s an interesting perspective I hadn’t considered.

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