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My computer is so freaking slow I'm seconds away from smashing it out of frustration. How can I make it run faster?

Asked by testypoo (13points) September 4th, 2010

Every time I try to open firefox/chrome/explorer (I’ve tried them all), my computer basically goes “Hmmmmmm…so you want to open the internet, eh? Well…let me think about this for a little bit.” And it gives me a fucking white window and an hourglass for about 2 minutes before I can do anything.

It also does this when I click the start button (I use windows). Or open an explorer window. Basically if I decide to click on anything at all on my computer I may as well go run some fucking errands or something. It’s pathetic. My laptop is old – it’s from 2006 – and it’s seen some freaky shit in its day, but it still has a few gigs of space left and I’m not necessarily downloading virus-ridden porn on to the thing every night or anything. I imagine at this point my laptop should be running like a spry, active 60-something who does aerobics once a week; instead it’s functioning like a bed-ridden, senile 95-year old alzheimers patient.

SO WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO SLLLOWWWWWW??? And how can I make it faster? What steps do I take? I’m thinking something like this:

1) Check it for viruses with free spyware checking software.
2) ?????????

So seriously, just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Please advise before I punch my laptop until it is destroyed thus cutting up my knuckles and bleeding all over the place and staining my carpet. Words can not describe how fucking angry I get when I so much as click on the Microsoft Word icon and my laptop decides to sit and chill for like 3 minutes before going “OKAY SURE ILL LET YOU USE WORD NOW” instead of just opening it the fuck up.

Yes I am furious. Yes I know nothing about computers. Yes I appreciate your advice, thank you fluther.

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