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dumbteenth's avatar

My friend refuses to go to a "college party". We are 23. Is he being a snob?

Asked by dumbteenth (205points) September 9th, 2010

My friend, who told me to “find something going on this weekend” for us to do saturday evening, is refusing my idea to go to a party at our alma mater and see some old friends of mine. Here’s why I think he should go:

1) We always do what he wants to do. Always. Want to go to this bar? He’ll say, “Nah, man, not in the mood, let’s go to THIS OTHER bar” He has now given me freedom to choose the evenings activities, and this is what I would like to do.

2) We always only hang out with his close friends, who are my friends too, to an extent, but really they are his crew that he grew up with. So I don’t see why he can’t come and hang out with me and some of my friends for an evening, plus he is really outgoing so it’s not like not knowing anyone should be an issue.

My friends throwing this party are 21, 22. We are 23. My friend is telling me “I’m too old for college parties, man, I’m over that stuff. Let’s find something else.” WE’RE ONE YEAR OLDER THAN THEM! I’m sorry, this is such a catty question but is he not being a snobby little prick about this? Had I told him it was just a party he would have been all in, because I go to his college-grad friends parties all the time (which are no different than the ones we went to in college, really). What would you tell this guy?

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18 Answers

chyna's avatar

Do what you want to do this weekend, don’t rely on this guy to be your entertainment director. If you really want to go to the party, say so and tell him you’ll catch him later if he doesn’t want to go.

chels's avatar

Maybe he’s just not in the mood to go to a party. He stated that he’s over parties, so, that’s probably the reason why.

Maybe he doesn’t want to hang out with your friends. Who knows.

I don’t think he’s being snobby. He doesn’t want to go, and that’s that. You’re making a big deal out of something that is really just nothing. If he doesn’t want to go, then he doesn’t want to go – If I were you I’d ask him why he doesn’t want to go and tell him that it’s bothering you. There’s no way for us to know what his problem is. That’s what you need to figure out.

rovdog's avatar

Well, it sounds like you have some other issues about socializing with him in general that are outside of the scope of the question. I wouldn’t really venture to say anything about that since I don’t know the situation. About this specific instance though I will just give you a bit of the other side of it from my perspective. Once I graduated college I really didn’t have a very good time at college parties. A year or even six months after college my life was so different than when I was in college. Even though I loved college I definitely wanted to move on from it and even socializing with people still in college was kind of annoying- it was hard to relate. I think there IS a really big difference between being in college and being a year or two out- doesn’t seem like there should be but it’ definitely a different stage in your life. I think he probably just wants to move on to a new way of socializing- it’s not that weird- eventually there wont be college parties to go to and youll probably have to do it too- or risk being the lame guy who still hanging around even though he graduated 5 years ago. (that might be another fear of his btw)

rovdog's avatar

I would add that you should definitely go to the party if you want to. Just leave him out.

buckyboy28's avatar

Amen to @rovdog. Leave him out. Not just this time, but whenever he strikes down the ideas of the group. Eventually he’ll get the hint.

marinelife's avatar

You have defined the problems with this “friendship” clearly in your question. If you do not always want to do what he wants to do with his friends all the time, then you should go to the party alone. And begin to distance yourself this “friend.”

dumbteenth's avatar

@rovdog and @chyna I would go to the party by myself, but I have plans with my friend that night. He asked me to come up with something to do – I suggested a party with my friends and he’s saying, “no, no, something ELSE,” and he’s telling me it’s because he doesn’t want to go to a “college party” as if he’s above these people because he’s been out of school for a year. Meanwhile, I go to HIS friends parties all the time – which are no different than college parties, mind you (kegs and all) – so I just think this is some bullshit.

I don’t really know how to phrase to him that I think h’es being irrational.

buckyboy28's avatar

@dumbteenth Flat out tell him. If you can’t tell him how you feel, then I wouldn’t consider him a friend.

weeveeship's avatar

I don’t think he’s a prick. He has the right not to go.

You though can make your own decision, regardless what he chooses to do.

le_inferno's avatar

Because getting drunk at a bar is soooo much more sophisticated than getting drunk at a college party. Give me a break. I was once visiting my cousin at W&M during Alumni weekend; a bunch of graduates went back to their frats and hung out with the current students. Nothing wrong with that. Tell him that you’re gonna go with or without him, but encourage him to come because you’ll think it’ll be a good time, it’d be an interesting change of pace, and you want him to meet your friends.

Trillian's avatar

Sounds like he grew up. After a while the whole drunken puking shouting hollering….ahhh, whatever. No he’s not a snob, he just doesn’t want to deal with that particular, predictable scene anymore.
And it is possible, is it not, that there is a specific reason that he does not want to go.
Seems like an easy fix to me. Ask him. Then if you feel that strongly about it, go without him.
I didn’t see anywhere that he suggested going to get drunk at a bar, but maybe I missed it. Is getting drunk the only acceptable method of having a good time?

Nicole8's avatar

If he doesn’t want to go than that’s fine.

Since you always do what he wants to do, tell him that you really want to go to the party and that you are going to go with out without him.

Don’t feel bad about hurting his feelings. It isn’t fair to you that you always go where he wants to go.

boxer3's avatar

Im still in college. Not a huge advocate for college parties.
However, he asked you to find something to do.
You found something to do, If I were you’re friend
and had asked you to find something to do I’d probably go anyway…
my rational being that it’snot the last social event I’d ever attend
nor does attending one college party mean I’m going to be a frequent

If he doesn’t want to go, I suppose it’s not a huge deal-
but I can see how it could be irratating.
I’d just tell him ” look, you told me to find something to do, and I did-
and I would actually really like to go and I’d like you to come as well…hey it’s something to do!”

mrrich724's avatar

Maybe he’s embarrassed about his achievements (or lack thereof) since he’s out of college and doesn’t wanna go see friends to “brag” about it?

Definite snob, but I say you still go to the party and have fun. It’s stupid. Please man, I know people who are still in college at 25 and 26, and still like to party and socialize. (But maybe that’s WHY they’re still in college, LOL)

BarnacleBill's avatar

You’ve stated what you want to do. If he wants to do something else, then he should come up with idea. Going to a college party and going to a bar are not the same thing.

lonelydragon's avatar

I would say he’s being mildly snobbish, but he does have a point. Most of the time, college students and working adults live different lifestyles. Since your friend has passed out of the college life stage, maybe he can’t relate so much to college students anymore.

With that said, if you already accepted an invitation to the party before you agreed to spend time with this friend, then by all means, go to the party. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see your friends.

rovdog's avatar

Lonelydragon said what I was trying to say more concisely and better.

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