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RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Do you have what it takes to be a GREAT Significant Other?

Asked by RealEyesRealizeRealLies (30938points) September 9th, 2010

Boy I sure don’t. I’m way too busy with my own pursuits. The goal of course is to achieve them and then be able to take the time to pursue other things affectively… like a committed relationship, or not.

Though most of my younger vices have been put away, I’m still a smoker. And I’d very much not want to bring that into a relationship. Pretty ladies don’t like stinky men, right? Of course I want to quit, and feel that I will soon. But I certainly don’t want to be quitting while pursuing a relationship.

I’d also like to get my kids grown and out of the house before presenting them with a new Mom. Uhhggg! One down, one to go. I also don’t want any more children so that might be a red flag to a new gal.

And Damn! I love my privacy! How’my gonna deal with loosing that in a committed relationship?

Is it so bad to have a couple of friendly girlfriends with occasional benefits? They know what’s up. And they’re busy too with much of the same issues that I have. They don’t want committed relationship either… So it fits!

Alas, there is that dream one day to find a lady and treat her like a queen. But I still feel as though it’s more important for me to become the right person before I worry about finding the right woman.

Is that so bad?

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18 Answers

ducky_dnl's avatar

I think I have what it takes because I have no ex-boyfriend drama, no addictions, etc. I just have a very badly broken heart, depression, trust issues, etc. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I have what it takes to be a great S/O.

chyna's avatar

I have what it takes to be a Great S/O. I’m single, no kids, own my own house, own my car, have a terrific dog, easy to get along with, don’t smoke, drink only in moderation. I have no baggage as my ex-husband and I parted amicably and haven’t seen each other in 10 years. No mean ex-boyfriends as most of them ended amicably too. I am out of a job at this moment, so that would be my only drawback. But I can’t seem to find anyone interested in me either. So I don’t think you need to change to find your S/O. Being a good catch doesn’t seem to work either.

Wow, I should put that on a dating site. haha

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I’ve done just fine so far.;)

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

“But I still feel as though it’s more important for me to become the right person before I worry about finding the right woman.”

Bravo. Applause. I feel the same way…almost…of course, I’m looking for the right man, but I have to become the best at being me that I can before I can expect to find the Mr. Right. I believe being the best that I can at being myself also entails looking out for the best interests of other people, so I hope those will intersect with someone else some day.

mamalis's avatar

Sounds like you’ve got it together, to me, RealEyes! You’re thinking on the right track. No problemo in having a ‘friend with benes!’ Sounds like my cuppa tea! Except you probably have to decide if you want <one> friend with <good> benes or a series of bings and bangs! Just remember… Life Happens. You’ve got yourself worked up. There’s no such thing as the Boogie Man.

Blackberry's avatar

It depends on my mood, I feel like I’m a good mate, and that is apparent by validation from multiple people, but I am also in hard times and no one looks like a good prospect in hard times. I’m surprised my girlfriend still wants to stick around. I wish she didn’t have to deal with this.

Blackberry's avatar

You sound like a decent mate, Realeyes. I would ditch the smoking, though. You are older than me so I feel like I couldn’t tell you something that you don’t already know.

curlyz's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies – I like how you said that “you want to become the right person before worry about finding the right woman”....nicely said…
Me, personally..I’m not great…but really good…

Mom2BDec2010's avatar

No, there is nothing wrong with wanting to get your life straight before making a commitment to someone else.

Coloma's avatar

I’m in the same boat.

I am bright, funny, intelligent, attractive and have lots of good things to offer, but, I don’t really want to give up much of my time, peace and solitude for a relationship, so I do not date these days.

I agree, it is not about finding the right person it is about being the right person.

A lot of right people don’t WANT to be the right person though. lol

john65pennington's avatar

Hard for me to give advice, since i have been married to the same woman for 44 years. i would say that you appear to have a lot on your plate and you seem to want your freedom. like the old saying goes, “you can’t have your cake and eat it, too”. only you can make this decision. in conclusion, i would say that your family comes first. whatever takes place after this, is entirely up to you.

Seaofclouds's avatar

There’s nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and getting your life straight before trying to add someone else to the mix.

woodcutter's avatar

Yes, been married to wifey for 28 yrs. It’s all about the trust. You have to care. Smoking or other vises doesn’t necessarily put one out of the running but it doesn’t hurt to be sober or a non smoker, really. It can’t be only about you when you jump in.

lazydaisy's avatar

I probably don’t. Or maybe I do, but…...maybe I just shouldn’t.

Facade's avatar

“Great”? Definitely not. But I do the best I can.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Yes, I think I do. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect or that I don’t have things I’m still working on, but I feel that, due to where I am now in life and the experiences I’ve had, I’m in the right place mentally. I’m realistic, fair, caring, emotionally mature and stable, and very ready to have an “adult” relationship, however hard they seem to come by. In terms of long-term relationships, I’m all set up and ready to find the one I stay in for years. I want to have kids and a home and all of that.

I am conscious of how I’ve developed and how I treat others, what I’m looking for, that sort of thing.. they’re all in the right place and very reasonable. The only thing that I need to work on is my difficulties in opening up, sharing feelings, communicating, but honestly, how much I need to do that depends entirely on the person (if they’re kind, gentle, and encouraging, I don’t find it difficult at all).

catinthehat's avatar

The right person helps you become yourself as you do the same for her.

It takes no effort because TRUE LOVE dissolves effort into ECSTASY, or at least EASE.

When doing what you want = doing what she wants = doing what you both need to grow, you’re there.

So: “yes” – I think you do have it in you to be a great significant other…you just haven’t found the right Queen for your particular Kingdom. Keep looking & don’t overlook the obvious…....

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