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ducky_dnl's avatar

How do I choose a long distance confidant?

Asked by ducky_dnl (5378points) September 9th, 2010

Okay, I have decided that maybe having a male friend I can talk to about things might help me a bit. I have never been able to confide in very many men or anyone in general for that matter. Heh, I’ve only been able to fully confide in one and now he’s gone. Whenever I talk to a guy, I always seem to say the wrong things. I mess things up a lot, but I need a guy who can tolerate my mess ups and give me feedback about my problems and listen. This to me seems like a very big leap from not wanting to talk at all, to now wanting to talk to someone. It would be a mutual thing. I would help as much as I could with advice and vice versa. Does this sound like a good idea? I think it’s my loneliness talking, but eh. I’m also second guessing this idea too.. I really don’t want a face to face confidant either. I seem to find it easier to talk through text, than in real life. :/

Does this sound weird?

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8 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I have a confidant that is strictly long distance, online, zero chance of ever being face to face. We tell each other everything, and we’ve been friends for 10 years. It’s priceless, in my opinion.

ducky_dnl's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie That’s neat! (: Do you have any suggestions on me picking a long distance confidant? Like should he exhibit certain traits (ie, good listener, open to discussions, rational, analytical, good memory, etc)? This would be something very special and I would like to choose the right person to confide in. I don’t want someone snapping on me because I’m talking about the problems in my life that are real to me you know? lol

poisonedantidote's avatar

I think the top priority in this situation is to find someone who knows how to keep a secret, and someone who is intelligent. like this you know no information is going to get out, and that you are not going to get any terrible advice.

BoBo1946's avatar

pretty cool stuff Nef!

It is always good to have a friend that will listen whether long distance or close!

gondwanalon's avatar

Until you find a long distance confident might try a professional service like The may he able to help you need some answers now or when things get to be too much to handle.

They provide online online help with self esteem, sexuality, relationships, grief and trauma. Their counselling that is safe, secure and private.

free_fallin's avatar

Why does it have to be a male? It might turn out better for you if you start talking to more females about your problems. It wouldn’t be a good idea to end up crushing on this confidant. You need to seriously consider exactly what you want from this. My suggestion would be to use a female.

It doesn’t sound weird at all and I think it could be a great idea. I like what @TheOnlyNeffie has because you don’t have to worry about them betraying your trust or things turning into more than a friendship. You have to figure out what you want the end results to be. You should probably find someone that you don’t interact with, someone away from fluther. There are sites where you can find pen-pals and other things of that nature.

I wish you the best! Having someone to confide in completely would be wonderful for you.

CMaz's avatar

I’ll be your long distance confidant.

You can tell me anything.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I’m not sure how to suggest choosing a confidant, because mine was a very natural relationship. It grew into what it is over the years, not because I chose him to be the person I would always confide in.
It has to be someone that cares. That’s all that I can say. The only reason that my friend and I have been able to maintain a friendship and continue to talk about our thoughts and secrets is because we genuinely care about each other as people.

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