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michelem2m's avatar

After 3 Months Has The Man Lost Interest?

Asked by michelem2m (12points) September 10th, 2010

I met a man on June 18, 2010 and we hit it off right away. He asked for my number and called me on his break the first day. He called just about every day thereafter. We had our first date on July 12, 2010 and we both felt it was a wonderful time. He continued to call frequently and to make arrangements to see me at least twice a week thereafter. He went out of town in the middle of August to help out his family. I knew I wouldn’t hear much from him during this week while he was gone (in fact he only texted me once). When he came back his work schedule put him on the late evening shift and I wasn’t able to see him for two additional weeks. He did continue to call and text at least two times a week while we were not able to see each other. The last time we were together was Friday, September 3, 2010. (It had been 3 weeks since we had last seen each other and he told me how much he had missed me). At that time he mentioned that the following week on Thursday seemed like it would be a good time to get together again. He called me on Tuesday of that week and mentioned again that he thought Thursday would be a good time. When Thursday came and I had not heard from him by mid afternoon, I texted him “how is your day going, are our plans for tonight still on?” and he replied “actually, no, sorry.” I texted him “thank you for letting me know. I hope to see you soon.” That was the last I have heard from him. I am wondering if in the course of our nearly three month relationship if he has come to a point where he feels comfortable in the relationship so as to not be calling or texting as often, (this may be wishful thinking) or since it is harder to see him with his busy work schedule (he works two jobs) and helping his family when they need him, if he is losing interest with me? We have talked with each other about being exclusive so I don’t worry that he is seeing someone else. He is 41 and I am 44. We have both been married before. Do you think it is best that I wait for him to call so that he has a chance to miss me or so that he will be the one to pursue me? (I am always reading that guys like to be the pursuer and leader in romance). Since he used to call and see me more often I wonder if it is that he is losing interest? Or if this is normal stuff to be going through in a new relationship? Thank you for your reply to my question

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14 Answers

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I think it’s rude for any grown adult to not inform when plans made aren’t going to go off. In your shoes I’d be suspicious of something else going on because most of us would have given some sort of explanation and then made new plans once getting in touch. I’m calling “shenanigans”.

SamIAm's avatar

I would maybe shoot him an email or call him and ask what the deal is… i don’t like to wait around and hope i’ll hear from someone. it’s a bad start to a relationship if he’s going to be sketchy like this.

BarnacleBill's avatar

I would say that either something major has come up, and he’s preoccupied (not all guys are good about conveying that information) and doesn’t have the bandwidth for the relationship, or he’s met someone else.

Don’t wait around. He knows how to get hold of you.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

(See answer below.)

LuckyGuy's avatar

Are you sure he’s not married?

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

He didn’t have the decency to call and cancel.I wouldn’t waste any more time on him.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@worriedguy….That was my first thought.

Or if you met him online (especially, but even if you met him otherwise) he may be juggling a few women. That is notorious for people you meet online. They pursue and then drop you without a word and go on to the next “profile”.

Basically, if he disappears like that…he’s not that into you, unfortunately. (Read the book: He’s Not That Into You).

Don’t be too disappointed. I wish I had good news. :( But I think he is a player…or at the very least, not a gentleman. Do you really want a relationship that is already off on the wrong foot? You deserve someone who cares.

stardust's avatar

He seems shady from what you’ve described. He sounds quite immature – at least on an emotional level.
All in all, he seems to be playing games of some sort. I’d walk away if I were in your shoes.

15acrabm's avatar

that doesn’t sound too good
all i can say is that i wouldn’t trust him
not one bit

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Sounds to me like he’s looking for “a bit of the ol’e in an’ out” and not much more.

It’ll drive ya crazy and set you against every other man on the planet. We’re not all bad. So don’t let one guy burn yer britches. Give a couple of jerks a chance before writing off all men as assholes.

Sorry you were treated like that.

lillycoyote's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies That’s what I was thinking but I didn’t want to be too cynical or disparaging of men, most of whom I like very much but… @michelem2m did this guy bolt shortly after he and you had sex or shortly after he realized that sex might be even farther down the road than he had imagined? That could explain everything. Sorry, guys, but that’s just the way you roll sometimes.

lilikoi's avatar

I would not stand for someone canceling on me at the last minute and not even having the decency to let me know.

I would just move on. If he wants to see you again, he will call you, but I think you are both a little too old to be playing these teenage games.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

“Do you think it is best that I wait for him to call so that he has a chance to miss me or so that he will be the one to pursue me?”

No. I think you should refuse and block his calls, never to speak with him again. Award the vexatious with Golden Silence. They’ve earned it.

MissA's avatar

I must admit, I thought this was about teenagers until I got to the end and read your ages. Move on, @michelem2m, you are in for heartbreak here. Who wants to be in a relationship where you’re always ‘wondering’.

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