Social Question

Deja_vu's avatar

I am in love with my best friend.

Asked by Deja_vu (4157points) September 11th, 2010

I told him how I felt and he is telling me the friendship is over. I feel so stupid. I feel so hurt. I never felt this hurt. It took alot for me to tell him how I felt. It wasn’t easy. He acted like I said something horrible. That is the worst feeling in the world. I can’t handle this pain. I don’t know what to do. He won’t answer my calls or anything. help? I don’t want to lose him as a friend.

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17 Answers

Deja_vu's avatar

I just can’t give any details cause he’s on fluther.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Awww that sucks! I don’t know the feeling but am sure its too painful:/
Well first I think you should let him breathe a little maybe he was just too shocked that he didn’t know how to react. Later on you could then try and talk things out.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Be patient and like @Thesexier suggested, give him time to process his own feelings. If he really values your friendship, he’ll come around.

nebule's avatar

I’m sad for you, it’s such a shame. Unfortunately yes, I would give him some time. Maybe write to him or letter, telling him how you feel and let him know that you hope you can still be friends in the future. All the best xx

afterthought… you might want to consider the fact that he has reacted like this though and ask yourself whether you do want to be involved with someone that treats you and your feelings in this way… but perhaps he is just in shock, only time will tell… x

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

My heart goes out to both you and your best friend. It is a heart-wrenching situation to be in.

I feel that you did the right thing in letting him know how you truly feel, as much as it might be regretted at this moment. Once upon a time, I was in a very similar situation, only in the role of your friend. We completely understood each other and thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company. It was a valued friendship.

The day that he told me that his feelings were more than just a friendship came as a shock. In hindsight, it probably shouldn’t have been. At the time though, I needed to distance myself from the friendship in order to process the situation and emotions. It also felt like it would be best for him if we were not to spend as much time together since I could not return the same feelings and did not want to encourage his.

Over time, we again grew comfortable around each other, and while not nearly as close, we can still pick up the phone and slip back into the comfortable friendship we once had. He married long ago, and I am now engaged. If he were available, I’d still choose my fiancĂ© hands down.

As much as it hurts, allow him to process this new information in his own time. If it is a true friendship, he could very well re-enter your life, be it as a friend or something more.

Cruiser's avatar

Well at least he knows how you feel and you know now how he apparently feels about how you feel about him. Better than going forward just wondering and never knowing. Sounds like it is his loss. Shake it off and hold your head up high.

marinelife's avatar

Look you took a risk and told him how you felt. Now he is uncomfortable with you.

All you can do is give it time.

Meanwhile, you need to refocus on other people. Look for love that is available.

Perhaps, in time, you can be friends again.

Frenchfry's avatar

Sorry to hear . Rejection hurts. He will come around after he has had time to think. If he does not he was not much of a friend. There are alot of people out there I am sure that would to be friends with a nice, smart, funny person like you.

Trillian's avatar

Stop pestering him. Leave the poor guy alone. You took your shot and came up short. This is real life and it doesn’t always turn out the way we want it to. He told you to bug off, so if you keep calling him it is not helping your case.
Leave him alone for a while.
You’re making yourself ridiculous and needy by continually harassing him with your phonecalls. He probably shudders when he sees your number and tells his friends about you.
Don’t give him any more negative things to say about you. It’s too late to call the words back, so you just have to carry on smartly. Time will help you get over it, and so will telling yourself that he is not worth your time. Do not add to your misery by wallowing around in feeling things for him. Find something else to think about and forget him. You’re only adding to your unhappiness by dwelling on it.

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

Aw…I’m really sorry to hear that. It’s happened to me before don’t worry I’m a guy not a girl. I’ve told her how I felt and she didn’t speak to me…But she didn’t do anything like this…I don’t know what to say for you though. Maybe give him some room and go back to him and see how he feels later on? I’m not really sure, I don’t see a real big reason for that I mean, yeah so you like someone that’s not a bad thing I think it’s a good thing since you admire him or her just in a different way is how I think of it. But uh…I’m sorry if this answer didn’t really help, I would just lay off for a couple of days and then talk to him later on to see how he feels. I hope you feel better and good luck to you with your guy. Oh and don’t get your hopes smashed I’m sure you’ll find someone.

Deja_vu's avatar

Thanks guys.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

this is a best friend of yours? my best friend would never do this even if he didn’t have the same feelings – what kind of a person does this kind of ‘i’ll drop them cause they said they loved me’ kind of thing?

perspicacious's avatar

If that’s all it took for him to say the friendship is over, he wasn’t much of a friend. Let him disappear—good riddance.

Deja_vu's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yeah I know. I thought he would more understanding. We spend so much together and are very affectionate towards eachother. We even say our “I love you’s”. We even interact like we are already in a relationship. I’m just so heartbroken, not just because I wanted to take our friendship further. He was such a big part of my life.

Deja_vu's avatar

@perspicacious your right.
@Trillian Gee thanks, you make it sound like I just met the guy. Not the case.

Deja_vu's avatar

It’s all good now…

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