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talljasperman's avatar

Rules for wedding guests attire question(details inside)

Asked by talljasperman (21818points) September 13th, 2010

I’ve been invited to a wedding in October and my mother told me that I need to buy a suit and shoes… the problem is that I’m 6’ 5” 272 pounds and need size 14 dress shoes and I barely have the money for a special order… what’s the rule on poor guests wedding attire… my family’s making me take a bus trip to the capital city of Edmonton Alberta and spend what little money I have left for clothes…and I’m going halvers on a wedding present. I’m not friends with either the wife or the groom… but my mother is and she is going with me to the wedding…

my question do weddings always demand suit and dress shoes even for the poor members of the group who can’t afford it?

My mom’s scaring me that I’ll become a pariah If I come in street shoes and suit pants…

P.S. I’m just a guest not an usher or best man

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18 Answers

JilltheTooth's avatar

How formal is the wedding? Who told you need a suit? These are pertinent questions for appropriate attire. Most people want their friends to attend, and don’t care about attire details, as long as you aren’t scruffy. Do you have a decent jacket that will go with dark pants? Shoes that aren’t sneakers or topsiders? Clean and well-groomed is always a plus. Don’t be bullied into spending a lot of money on clothes. Your presence is what is desired, not fashion.

talljasperman's avatar

@JilltheTooth the reception is at a 5 star hotel in the Canadian rockies… the family is semi-rich and both the bride and groom are managers at the hotel… I don’t have much that fits me…I only have tourist jackets to choose from… and they are black when my pants are blue…my shoes are the only one from the catalog to order from in my size… they are running shoes….I have the shopping trip tomorrow and its doubling as a vacation.

TheMadShatter's avatar

Having read your question and comments, couldn’t you hire out an outfit for the occasion?? It would save you a lot of cash!

dc10's avatar

Well personally any real friends just want you to be there and to attend, that would be what matters to them overall. If what you are wearing seems to matter all a whole lot more over than you actually being there , then if it was me personally? I would not go

talljasperman's avatar

@TheMadShatter I don’t think that service is in Jasper… besides the hotel room is booked for the shopping trijp

JilltheTooth's avatar

I still don’t think you should be bullied into dressing to please your mother. If she will be embarrassed by your appearance, tell her you can’t go. (I know, easier said than done…).
I think @TheMadShatter has a good idea. If you are a charming guest and behave appropriately, people won’t care. If your Mother wants you to shop for this (hotel room and all) maybe SHE should foot the clothing bill…

talljasperman's avatar

@dc10 I don’t want to go but my mom said yes and she’s “strongly encouraging” me to go to the wedding or I’ll never be invited to anything else ever again

TheMadShatter's avatar

@talljasperman Have a look in second hand stores then….i’ve got some great retro suits from charity shops.

talljasperman's avatar

@TheMadShatter GA I’ll get her to buy the suit and shoes

JilltheTooth's avatar

I know it’s difficult to not be emotionally blackmailed by a “strong” parent, I spent 3 years in therapy to deal with just such a thing. It worked. Sounds like this is going to be more about your relationship with your mom than the wedding. Very tough stuff. Good luck.

dc10's avatar

Why should you have to actually go though when you dont even know these people for one? It would be different if you was just on the street and dragged into a witness a wedding for complete strangers like (which has happened to me before lol) but if she is insisting that you should go then either her or her friends (that are rich) should perhaps think of paying such a high price for this attire that they so want you to wear overall dont you think!? No offence but it sounds like emotional blackmail to me

talljasperman's avatar

@all O.k. thanks I will get my mom to buy the suit or I will go to Value Village for some Big and Tall clothes… I’ll write here in October to tell what happened

dc10's avatar

yes do and good luck lol just remember to behave appropriatly and everything will be just hunky dunky diddly dorey!

Frenchfry's avatar

Buy some pants to go with the black jacket. Throw on a tie, white shirt your done. Can you afford pants? That’s what I would do. I hope you have a good time. Go to a Big and Tall store. They have nice stuff . That should fit.

marinelife's avatar

If you don’t know the bride and groom, why are you attending?

If your mother is insisting that you escort her, then she ought to pay for your outfit.

Consider looking in thrift stores for outfits (although it may be difficult with your size).

talljasperman's avatar

O.k. I’m back from shopping trip… both spent most of our money….now for the wedding in october

dasiagrayson's avatar

I do not think your appearance is important part..just be present there is what the important .
Try to get outfits on rent and it will save your money. and if you could not manage that too then go into what you have..or ask you mommy to pay bill if she wants you properly dressed.

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