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Joker94's avatar

How do I remain friends with an ex?

Asked by Joker94 (8180points) September 19th, 2010

My girlfriend and I have recently broken up, and I feel like there is still some hostility between us. I don’t necessarily want to get her back, I just don’t want her to hate me. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to remain friends?

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18 Answers

squirbel's avatar

Don’t interact for at least a year. You can come back to it if you desire then, with a clear mind.

It’s not possible to reach an amicable state in your current states.

janbb's avatar

Sometimes you can’t be friends right away and sometimes you can’t be friends again ever. The best thing to do if you do want to be friends again at some point is to give her time and space to heal. I would let it be for maybe six months and then possibly make an approach about being friends. Another choice would be to write her a note saying you hope she doesn’t hate you and that you would like to be friends at some point but don’t expect a response necessariy.

JonnyCeltics's avatar

run far far away

marinelife's avatar

You can express your wish to her to remain friends, but you can’t control her feelings. You can tell her that if she can’t feel like your friend now that you will hold the door open in the future.

mowens's avatar

Wait AT LEAST 6 months before making contact. Otherwise it will end in disaster.

Even though that is the last thing you want right now…. trust me.

john65pennington's avatar

Ever heard the song, “Bridge Over Troubled Waters”? this is a classic example of an ex releationship, after a breakup. you might want to be just friends, but the ex’s feeling is not mutual. its extremely rare for this type situation to remain friendly. too many hurt feelings to overcome.

squirbel's avatar

I became friends with my ex, 3 years after our relationship.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I wouldn’t try to be friends until you are good and might not ever be ready,and that’s ok too
A very good friend of mine is an old boyfriend.It took quite awhile before we could be a friend to each other :)

Joker94's avatar

Thank you for all of your answers :]

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

I don’t know if you have tried this…..

Just sit down and write her a letter.

“Dear Mimsy,

It was very difficult for me to end the relationship, but I felt that it would, in the end be the best for both of us. I know that it hurt you deeply and that you are probably angry with me. I don’t blame you. I feel that what we shared was very, very special and my life will be forever changed because you were in it. This probably isn’t much consolation for you. I just wanted you to know that you meant a lot to me, and even though the idea of remaining friends with me seems the last thing you would want to do, I hope that one day you might find it in your heart to forgive me. I would like nothing more than to have a friendship with you when you (if ever) feel ready to do that. If not, I wish you every possible good thing for your life. If so, you know where to find me. You are a very special person and someone out there is going to really be blessed to have you in their life. Thank you so much for sharing your life with me. Always, Joker”

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Wanting to be friends means you see her continuing in your life and she has enough merit to you to explain her to future friends and lovers. Wanting her to just not hate you is more like you not wanting to feel guilt or responsibility or that you’ve some lack you didn’t overcome. Leave her alone and see what happens on it’s own. If you two are valuable to each other then it will be a mutual saying so.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Never, ever pass up an opportunity to say something nice about her. Don’t say anything negative. And if some guy says something crude about her, punch him in the nose. (All of this defines “gentleman”.)

She’ll get over being mad at you. You just need to give her a little space. Break-ups aren’t always about someone being at fault. Sometimes it takes awhile to realize that.

BoBo1946's avatar

@marinelife hit the home run on this answer. Just sincerely express your feelings and let it go. The ball will be in her court from there.

Aster's avatar

I wouldn’t say more than, “well, let’s be friends, ok? I have to go now.”

chyna's avatar

I have not read the others yet, but I will give my 2 cents. My ex and I are on very good terms. We were married 5 years, divorced 12 years. I do not call or bother him, his new wife, his parents or his friends in any way, shape or form. Not now, nor in the beginning. He does the same for me. Yet, if I run into his family or him, there are hugs and smiles all around. He called me when our dog was dying, and when he died. That’s it. Leave each other alone, and you remain on a good basis. If you call and bother each other, even if you feel it’s “just a friendly call”, someone will end up mad or hurt.

stardust's avatar

I agree that it’s best to let things settle in their own time. You can let her know how you feel and then the ball’s in her court if she wants to maintain a friendship.
Space and time are usually helpful in this situation.

Frenchfry's avatar

I have found not to try at all. If it happems it happens. Not a lot people stay friends with exes.

CoolBunch's avatar

Do you for awhile. Hobbies of yours or something. Show that you can move on. And if she still has feelings she’ll let you know.

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