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tedibear's avatar

Do you have a burden that you just can't seem to put down?

Asked by tedibear (17994points) September 19th, 2010

I do. I have had it for about 35 years. It has bothered me in fits and starts over the years. Over the last two or three years it has been bad again, with the worst of that time period being this past year.

Would it help you to use this thread to talk about your burden? Maybe even just set it down for a little bit? I don’t know if it will help me to talk about mine any more than I already have. I just can’t decide.

If you want to talk about yours, feel free to do so here. If you think it won’t help you, talk about why you feel that way. I’m interested to know at what point it no longer helps you to talk/write about your troubles.

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10 Answers

Fairylover78's avatar

Hmmm, I think it always helps to at least write down your feelings, even if your the only one to read it… it allows you to express yourself and feelings more fully because you are forced to think about them rationally and at a good pace, rather than fleeting thoughts and jumbled complaints.

I myself found out when I was 23 that I have POF ( premature ovarian failure) the doc even said ” I hesitate to say menapause, because your so young…” boy that made me feel good. I have always wanted to be a Mother and sometimes it’s harder than others to accept that I never will be…. then when I was 27 I was diagnosed with pretty bad Osteoporosis and that just added to my burden. I find that it helps to find others with similar problems and get my frustrations out there, while at the same time knowing that I’m not the only one helps me cope a little better with why’s and what did I ever do questions that tend to plague me when I just think about it all the time. Even knowing that others sympathize with you can help you not feel so alone.

daytonamisticrip's avatar

Yes i have a big burden. I have a dark secret and i think my uncle knows. I don’t know how. My only guess is because he was a cop and can just sense it.

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

Not so much anymore, but when I was younger I used to feel like I had the responsibility for keeping my family together. I would always be the one trying to mediate when my sister and parents argued, or even sometimes when my parents were having problems. For a 16 year old, that’s a pretty big burden.

I’ve since realized that is not the kind of burden that I should constantly be trying to shoulder. It’s just way too much. People have to be responsible for their own lives. That’s not to say that I’ve turned my back to my family’s problems, just limiting my involvement in personal arguments to a more realistic and healthy level. It’s a realization that has come about both from talking with others and personal reflection. Needless to say, I’m a much happier person than I used to be.

tedibear's avatar

Just so all of you know, I am reading what you’ve written. And I’ve found all of it interesting. I don’t know if I can comment without blithering on about myself. So just know that I feel a little less alone.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Yes. A dear friend and co-worker (male) who was engaged was terminated for reasons officially unknown by me. We just showed up for work one day and were called in to a meeting to discuss the fact that the assistant manger and front office manager (also a male) had been let go, and we needed to put together a plan on how to cover until they were replaced.

As in most cases, the rumors came out. Apparently, the two of them were found having sexual relations in one of the hotel rooms by a room attendant. He never told his fiancée why he was suddenly terminated, and she apparently never pressed the issue.

I attended their wedding. It took every fiber of my being not to stand up and object. I should have done so. They ended up getting a divorce after a few years of severe emotional abuse by the co-worker. She is now remarried and seems to be doing well, but the fact that I didn’t speak up before the wedding or during it will always be something that cannot be let go.

ducky_dnl's avatar

I burden myself with guilt. I punish myself for my friends death. I think what if I had distracted him for before he left for work? Would just a few minutes of talking change everything? Would it have never happened? What would have happened had I just called and distracted him? I live with that burden, if that’s what you would consider one. I also carry more guilt for watching my father beat my mother in the living room in our old apartment when I was five. I was old enough to have done something.

nebule's avatar

@ducky_dnl Oh my goodness, I don’t think at five you were old enough to have done anything and by no means should have… a child can’t be held responsible for that…sheesh xxx

I too have burdens…but will have to come back to this thread later :-/ chores call

Aesthetic_Mess's avatar

Yea for about four years. I actually wrote an essay about it:

There are some things in life that you wish you could just change. Or some things you wish had never happened in the first place.
I wish we had never moved to here, to North Carolina. I know at the time, it was a good idea because of all that was happening in our lives, but sometimes, we think the grass is greener on the other side, and when we get there, we find it was just as brown as the other, but a different reason for the brownness. I realize it is a state no better or worse than any else, but to me, it is one of the worst places I have ever moved to.
I miss the North. Even the suburbs of Pennsylvania; not just New York and Philadelphia. I loved it up there. I don’t know what it is about North Carolina that I just cannot stand. It feels like I can’t breathe here. Granted, the air is probably more fresh here than in Philadelphia. It is so stifling to be out in the middle of nowhere; where it is so quiet and peaceful and nothing nearby. Many people would think what I just described would be heaven, but we are all different right? At least I know I am different than most people.
Don’t get me wrong, the country of North Carolina is nice to visit when you want to get away from the hectic pace of a city like Philadelphia or New York, and relax. When you live here in the country, there is practically no reason to go on vacation. My reasoning for this is: What are these people getting away from? People go on vacation to get away from it all, relax, and forget all their troubles for a while. There is no reason to go on vacation. When most people here go on vacation, they go to the beach. It is not like New York or Philadelphia where you hear stories of friends going to Poland or Italy or China. They go to the beach and come back, and think that is the best vacation there possibly could be in the world. For them, it just might be, but again, everyone is different. Occasionally, you will hear of Carolinians going to other states, or even rarer, another country, but as I mentioned, this is not so often.
I guess the reason city people travel so much to different lands is because they are exposed to so much culture. I was exposed to Italian, Chinese, Vietnamese, Punjabi, Jewish, Cambodian, and countless other cultures. Seeing how these different cultures ate, dressed, and spoke would move me to want to go to their country to see how they lived before they came to America, and just to see what the country was like.
I have never been able to adjust to life here. I have moved over five times in the course of my life thus far, and I have always been able to adjust nicely, and even come to love the place as I did in Philadelphia and Upper Darby. These two areas were different from each other in numerous ways, but I was able to adjust and learn to love those places enough to call them home. Adjusting has always taken me no more than a year. I have been in North Carolina for almost four years. If it is possible, I hate it more now than when I first came here. Usually it is the other way around. I start out hating a place beyond repair, and end up loving it, all within a year. I have tried to like it, tried to find good things about it, but my “spirit has not taken to it,” as my mother would say.
It is true when people say everyone is different. That is what makes the world so interesting. I wouldn’t care if we moved back to Pennsylvania and lived in the middle of nowhere like we do now in North Carolina. There is just something that I love about the Northeast. I know you are probably thinking that I am insane just to love a place that much, but when I go to visit my sister and brother up there, as soon as I cross the state border into New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New York, or even Delaware, something changes. I become more relaxed, happier. I feel at home. I admit myself that I have not one clue why I feel this way, but I cannot get over it. That is just how I feel. My home is with my family of course, no matter where they are. My family is the home within my heart. But my literal home, the actual place I love, is in the Northeast. I will get back there someday, God willing. I hope my family will move. They keep talking about it. They even criticize North Carolina so much sometimes it leads me to believe they hate it more than I do.
I know I cannot blame Carolinians for all they know. It is just “not my cup of tea” as Lisa would say. I admit it does bother me when they make such ludicrous stereotypes about certain races and places they have never been to and know nothing about. I often say they are ignorant, and truly, they can be. I have to put up with it for now I guess.
Bon Jovi wrote a song called, “Who Says You Can’t Go Home.” I believe that song with all my heart. I will move back to my literal home one day, hopefully soon. I’d really like my parents to go back too. Dad is too old to keep up with such a large yard, and mom misses Pennsylvania.
It was nice to finally get this out. I still can’t explain what it is about the Northeast I love so much, or why my spirit doesn’t take to North Carolina. I hope we can move soon. I would feel bad for mom because she likes her new house. I just don’t know anymore.

Aster's avatar

I get it. I miss the NE too. Just one more time I’d love to be in some small cafe and hear a NJ accent while some guy makes me a hoagie. Then I want to drive to Seaside Heights and check out the boardwalk. Burn my feet in the sand. Then back to Camden or Philly for a pizza. Just one more time.

Coloma's avatar

I made it my life work some years ago to heal and let go of all my ‘burdens’ with a promise to myself that I would never suffer on behalf of anyone else ever again after leaving a horrible marriage.

This week was the first time in about 5 years that I found it necessary to let go of another longterm relationship and biz. partnership with a ‘friend’ who had become toxic.

I was ready and while slightly sad I mostly feel relief.

I have learned that we CAN drop any burden we wish at any time.

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