Social Question

truecomedian's avatar

How does someone do the impossible?

Asked by truecomedian (3932points) September 19th, 2010

Is it foolish to try and fix an old friendship that ended badly? What if you can’t shake the thought that it’s something that you need to do? What should I say to them if I were to send them an email? I hate asking this because it’s so weak, but I’m going on maybe getting some good advice.

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11 Answers

Trillian's avatar

You can be the bigger person and apologize, whether the fault was your or not, if the relationship meant that much to you.
You can make the effort to say; “I’m sorry that we ended this on such a bad note. This is how I really feel about…”, and/or; “I miss having you in my life, and hope that someday we can put this behind us, even if the relationship changes from what it was, I still want you to be in my life in one way or another.”
Or, if you no longer want that person to be in your life, but feel that there is something unsaid, you could just send the email or a formal letter on paper. It’s tying up a loose end. If you venture nothing, you gain nothing. It is not an indication of weakness, but of maturity.
Good luck.

BarnacleBill's avatar

It’s not weak; it actually takes a really strong person to do this. The weak thing is to just walk away from it. One of the best things is to acknowledge the validity of their side in whatever argument or event that happened. If you feel how it ended was your fault, there is nothing that mends a rift like, “I realize now that I acted like a total jerk in this situation, and that was really wrong of me, because I valued my relationship with you more than anything else. I am sorry that I was less of friend than I should have been.” The worst they can say is, “yes, you were a jerk.”

Ben_Dover's avatar

Try, try again!

chyna's avatar

It must mean a lot to you, or you wouldn’t be asking us and thinking about it. What do you want to say? Think about the things you want to say, write them down even if it is in bits and pieces and snippets. Then organize how/what you want to say, bringing all the writing together, getting rid of the stuff that will make no sense. Just say what is in your heart. I would think more of you, not less, and certainly would not think you are weak if it were me receiving such an email.

stardust's avatar

Ask yourself why you want this person back in your life? What was it about the friendship that you enjoyed/got something out of, etc?
It’s certainly not foolish nor weak. You should probably take into account that your friend might not be the same person now. Perhaps he/she is in a different place. That said, I wouldn’t expect the same relationship as before.
Be open and honest with your friend. Express your desire to have him/her back in your life.
Speak from the heart. Good luck @truecomedian

Axemusica's avatar

I usually try to cut things off, before they do end badly, but we don’t always have that option. I have taken a girl back before (big mistake. Well, in my experience.. I’m sure it’s turned out for the best before), but I think I would only take a few select women back and future ones would be based on the severity of the reason for the initial break up. So, it’s worth a shot I guess.

Hope and “what if’s” are a motherf***er and can eat at your thoughts. I know, so I say do it, or forget it.

marinelife's avatar

What you need to do is review the friendship in your mind and how it ended.

Then you can approach the other person. But it is a two-way street. You can’t necessarily fix things by yourself.

If you attempt it and fail, then shrug and move on with your life. Try and learn from what ever part you played in making the ending bad.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Sometimes you only need to do it to move on for yourself.

JilltheTooth's avatar

How much time has passed? Sometimes that makes a difference. I’ve reconnected recently with a friend where it ended badly, and enough time had passed that the issues no longer had any power. We friended each other on FB, then saw each other a few weeks ago, and the break up issues never came up. A lot of time had passed, which helped. We also live far apart now.

Austinlad's avatar

Make the effort. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried. But don’t put your apology in an email. Do it in person. Email is a poor way to express genuine emotions. A face-to-face talk (at dinner, perhaps—your treat) shows how sincere you are.

ducky_dnl's avatar

First off, making amends is not impossible..unless the person is dead. Even at that, you can apologize. You should tell the person to their face that you’re sorry about what happened. It will take some time, but if it’s meant to be..they’ll forgive you.

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