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ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

What would you do if you found out your child had been molested?

Asked by ANef_is_Enuf (25249points) September 22nd, 2010

Suppose it happened quite a long time ago and that they never told anyone, but you come to find out they are secretly seeking therapy for it now.
Would you wonder why they haven’t told you? If it is a fear of your reaction, or if it is that they are feeling ashamed?
Would you let on that you know they are seeking therapy? Would you just keep silent and wait for them to come to you when they are ready? Or would you tell them that you have learned what happened?
And how? Would you drop hints or would you just be open and honest with them?

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24 Answers

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I would be open, honest, and supportive with my child, and I would be kicking myself in the seat of the pants for allowing it to happen. Actually, I would be madder than hell at myself.

Scooby's avatar

I really don’t know! :-/

Randy's avatar

I’d kill a mother fucker.

It wouldn’t be the right or smart move, but it’s the first thing that would come to mind and I’m sure it would stay there until I did it. Vengeance, in that sense, is a crime I’d be willing to pay for.

I don’t have kids, but I know I’d be ridiculously protective.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

heh. Let’s suppose the person who did this to your child is already in prison for molesting other children. I actually intended to include that in my original question, but I forgot. Killing him is not an option, though, I can’t say that I disagree @Randy.

zen_'s avatar

I’ve thought about this, at times, as every worried parent has I guess. I’d probably go through the range of emotions, and hopefully do the right things by the child.

Though killing would be easy and might feel natural at the time, I would hope that I would be able to resist. It would mean my child has to now deal with his molestation and a father in prison. The latter being a much harder thing to do – and unnecessary.

partyparty's avatar

I would tell your child immediately that you know about what has happened.
Get them to talk about it (if possible) and tell them you will support them in any way they wish.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I feel the same as @hawaii_jake. I would talk to my child and let them know that I’m here for them and I’ll do whatever I can to help them. I would really beat myself up for not noticing that something was going on.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

That’s easy! I would just kill that motherfucking bitch!

gravity's avatar

I don’t know what I would do as a parent, hard to imagine since I have no children. I have been the child in that situation though and my therapist told me I should tell my parents why I was in therapy after I had been in treatment for a year. It was very difficult but I told my parents I had been raped and that was why I was in therapy (and such a basketcase). I only told them it had happened once though bc I didn’t figure they could handle the truth. I also didn’t tell who bc I knew my mother would kill the guy. She would have too I believe! I was 23 when I told them. It was one of the hardest things to work the nerve up to do. I told them then we never spoke of it again. strange…but typical of my family.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@gravity thank you for sharing your story.

gravity's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie you’re welcome, all that therapy paid off.

amazonstorm's avatar

Before or after I kill him?

Seriously, though. I would have a discussion with my child about it. At least, I would try to. This is one of those things that I wouldn’t know what to do and hope I’d never know what I should do. But I would try to be a supportive, loving parent.

Then, I’d kill him.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I would talk to my child about it and be extremely supportive in every way I could. Then I would locate the son of a bitch that DARED touch my child and I would kill him. With pleasure.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

If the molestor is in prison, I’d focus on my child and support them through their therapy and journey. I’d be upset that they didn’t tell me but I wouldn’t tell ‘em that.

MissAnthrope's avatar

I would try to open channels of communication, but low-pressure. Of course I’d wonder why they kept it from me because I think I’m a compassionate, reasonable person and when I have kids, my main goal will be to make sure they know they can talk to me about anything.

Then.. I would spend the rest of my days destroying the motherfucker’s life bit by bit.

Eggie's avatar

I would be very honest and open with them if I found out. I would let the child know that he/shehave my full support. I would not ask my child why he kept it from me, I would just concentrate on him being healed. I would ask however if he needs my support or does he want to go through this alone. I would ask if i know the molester and if he tells me who it is….i would ask if he wants me to go to the police. If he says no, I would ask if he wants me to take any other form of justice. If he says no i would respect that but if he says yes ill go after him and make him pay either by beating him up or otherwise…....

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’d feel guilt and lack that my kid didn’t confide in me and then I’d move on past my own hurt feelings in order to be a better support to them as they through therapy and beyond.

BarnacleBill's avatar

I would tell my daughter that I am sorry that happened to her, and that I was trying to be watchful. I would ask her what she would like me to do, or not do. My first inclination would be not to kill the person, but to wreck their lives by telling everyone associated with the person exactly what they had done.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate
@amazonstorm

We can’t always assume it’s a “him” who molests children. Yes, most child molesters are men, but there are female child molesters out there too (there was a recent case where a female daycare worker was found guilty of molesting several young kids in her care). Perhaps you used the word “him” proverbially, but we must be careful not to stereotype all child molesters as male, especially in this day and age.

eden2eve's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES
Nor can we assume that the victim is a female.

I’m personally acquainted with a situation where the molester is a female and the victim is a male. And they are related. Would this scenario change the responses above in any way?

faye's avatar

I like what @BarnacleBill says. Happily jail takes care of some of these buggars. I’ve always known that if I was there when it happened, I’d do everything in my power to kill them.

majorrich's avatar

I have many friends in law enforcement. I would be sure that word makes it to the prison he/she is in that he/she molested a child. Life would no longer be worth living fot that person. Even in jail, there is still some honor and child molesters get it pretty bad in there. I think it’s because so many of them have children of their own.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES Yes, I used “him” just in general. If a woman molested either of my children, I’d kill her ass just as quick as I would a man’s. I’m a bloodthirsty bitch when it comes to my children.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@eden2eve Absolutely. There are millions of boys who have been sexually molested, by both men and women, but mostly by men. And I think you’d agree that most cases go unheard, because most boys feel ashamed about it, thinking they have been “weakened” by the ordeal.

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