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DrasticDreamer's avatar

How to remain calm?

Asked by DrasticDreamer (23976points) September 22nd, 2010

Ever since my best friend killed himself, I’ve been having issues with remaining calm when I go longer than expected without hearing from people I care about – especially if I talk to those people on a regular basis (generally at least once a day). So if I go two or more days and I don’t hear from them, or can’t get a hold of them, I automatically get sick with worry that something bad happened and can’t focus on anything else. I start to feel sick to my stomach, I get major stomach pain, headaches, my heart races, etc. Are these signs of PTSD?

What can I do to convince myself that things are probably okay? How do I remain calm? :(

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16 Answers

marinelife's avatar

You might benefit from some short-term therapy.

Or you could consider an anti-anxiety SSRI. (Talk to you doctor.)

It is really understandable that you are afraid of losing someone else.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

What do I do in the meantime?? I’m on the verge of tears. I just don’t know how to calm down.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@bobloblaw What does that even have to do with anything? Seriously
@DrasticDreamer Then cry, if you’re on the verge of tears and understand this is normal. This fear for people’s live – I have it all the time, I’ve lost many people. I’m on SSRI’s and I do try to live in this moment as much as I can. I know it’s overwhelming, this fear, sometimes I have to wake up and go check both babies 10x a night because I’m afraid they’ll just stop breathing. I wish I could tell you what would help.

SamIAm's avatar


and remind yourself that everything is most likely okay. also, tell your friends and family of this concern so maybe during this time they can help you out by shooting you a text or giving you a quick call to ease your concerns.

Gamrz360's avatar

Deep breathes works wonders.

YARNLADY's avatar

On a moment to moment basis, you have to just resolve to not break down again. Using breathing exercises helps, but sometimes a quick visit to a rest room is necessary.

bobloblaw's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir The quote I used was probably a bit too obtuse, but I wasn’t trying to be obscene. For that, I apologize. That was not my intention.

Just to give a little context, that’s a quote by a 17th Zen Buddhist by the name of Matsuo Basho. I was only trying to say that everything horrible that she’s worried about can happen, yes, this is very true, but she should focus on living her life. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that there is calmness and peace in simply letting go and simply living. That’s what the cicadas do and, to me, that’s what it sounded like she needs to do.

BoBo1946's avatar

Everytime you think of a negative thought try replacing it with a positive thought. Also, as several other jellies said, take long deep breathes. Oh, you might want to purchase the book, “Power Of Positive Thinking,” by Norman Vicent Peale.

Cupcake's avatar

- Taking yoga helped me to learn to be in the minute and detach from thoughts/fears/anxeity, etc.
– Also, I have some words that I repeat to myself to get through the worst of it, like “abide”, “calm”, “it’s ok”, and such.
– I picture a happy place, the same place I’ve been picturing since I was a kid. It’s a field with long grass and wildflowers and a few trees. There is a beach and water nearby for when I need to change the scene a bit.
– I also have a “happy box” filled with little mementos of happy times that I look through to help with depression, anxiety or PTSD.

Yes, it could be PTSD. Talking to a doctor or therapist might help.

Ben_Dover's avatar

Try to keep away from using those drugs for anxiety. They have a side effect of…causing people to commit suicide for one.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Talking to someone will help. Perhaps a suicide grief support program program will help. The more you can verbalize your feelings, the sooner you can regain control of your emotions. Your emotions are pretty normal in the aftermath of this sort of loss.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Thank you, guys. I’m still freaking out and probably will until I get word, but I’m going to look into some different things to see if I can get help.

jrpowell's avatar

My mom is the same way. I use and that lets her know that I am alive. It tells her that I just listened to music. That works for her but you really need to see a doctor. You got some PTSD up in your brain. {{hugs}}

augustlan's avatar

Feeling this way is totally understandable, but I know it can really interfere with your quality of life. I would definitely see if therapy might help for the long term, and tell your close friends and family, so they can reassure you. In the short term (in the midst of your panic, I mean), deep breathing can help a lot. Many people don’t do this the right way, so I’m going to go all elementary and give the directions my therapist gave me.

Breathe in deeply and slowly through your nose, counting as you go, pulling the air into your chest, not your stomach.
Hold the breath for an equal count.
Let it out through your mouth at the same rate… slowly.
I usually count slowly to four at each step.

If that doesn’t work, get busy doing something that will distract your brain and/or body a bit. Sudoku, exercise, a funny movie, housework… anything.

Know that we’re here for you, too. Hugs, girlie. ♥

openmindedq's avatar

pray and think about plans with them in the future as if your sure they are okay.

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