General Question

interweb's avatar

Have you ever stayed friends with your exes?

Asked by interweb (319points) September 22nd, 2010

Is it healthy for you to continue being friends with one another, knowing the past you once had together?

Yes or no and why.

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39 Answers

Jude's avatar

Yes. We were together for 10 years. I was 27 and she was 9 years older than I. I grew up, fell out of love and we grew apart. We were best friends all throughout the relationship and are still good friends now. My ex is no threat to my current girlfriend. I see my ex as a good, good friend only.

filmfann's avatar

I am friends with most of my ex-girlfriends, and I really do miss the couple I have lost contact with. I still feel connections with them.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Yes, it’s been very beneficial for me to stay friends with my ex since we have 3 children together. It makes things simpler and more pleasant. Besides, it’s better for the kids.

SamIAm's avatar

Depends on the relationship… I still speak with most of my exs on occasion; but no real, true friendships. I think it’s important to keep in contact with them if they once meant something to you, but sometimes it’s just not that easy.

heresjohnny's avatar

Just one. The others, not so much. The one is one of my closest friends, though.

Adagio's avatar

I am very good friends with a man I was in a relationship with for 5½ years, the relationship wound up nearly 7 years ago, he is one of my closest and dearest friends, my life would be all the poorer without him… and just in case you are tempted to think that one of us still retains romantic feelings, think again, you would be absolutely wrong… I am also friends with my daughters father, my ex-husband, we have good contact with each other, essential when there are children in common, even when they reach adulthood. While it may not always be a good or wise idea to remain close friends with previous partners, the spark that kindled a romantic relationship in the first place can also transform it into something that, though altogether different, is nonetheless quite wonderful, and often times more enduring…

lilikoi's avatar

Yes and no.

I am friends with most. We were kids when we were together and very much not right for each other, there were no hard feelings really, and we still have some things in common. I am not super close to either of them, but we are on friendly terms, occasionally exchange correspondence, hang out, etc. There is nothing unhealthy about it. The past is way in the past, and we are comfortable just being friends.

Others I have lost touch with. I would be happy to be friends with them if our paths ever cross again. Again, amicable break ups/parting ways, no hard feelings, and I’m sure we’ve all moved on but still have some things in common. There is one I don’t think I have anything in common with and I don’t think we will ever really be friends, and that’s fine.

One I am not friends with, do not speak to, and am not sure I want to ever see again. This guy was an immature, inconsiderate, selfish, conceited douche bag and, while I have forgiven and moved on and understand both that he probably just didn’t know how to handle himself and that we were so not right for each other, he left a really bad impression.

My current bf I could definitely see staying good friends with if things went south. I think when you get older, you do a better job of picking compatible people to be with because you know yourself better and you know how to know other people better, and hopefully communication is more open and mature with less destructive drama. I think this makes it easier to stay friends.

whatthefluther's avatar

To this day, I remain great friends with a close girlfriend of over 35 years ago. I remained close friends with my first wife with whom I had separated and divorced amicably some fifteen years ago, but when given an opportunity, she betrayed me in a seemingly heartless fashion (still unexplained after six years, altho I don’t really want to hear from her and am satisfied to leave it a mystery).
See ya…..Gary/wtf

TexasDude's avatar

I’ve had two real girlfriends. The first one I was with for three years. Our relationship was not pretty, but after it ended, I helped her with a lot of personal problems she wound up facing and we are still great friends. I will always love her, in a way, and we both know that we will always have each others’ backs.

My second and most recent ex… well… She is insisting on remaining friends, but I’m having trouble seeing her as such :-/

Jeffinohio's avatar

I remain civil with my ex-wife, only because we had 5 kids together. I’m done with child support, and somehow can deal with her better. It wasn’t always that way, as we actually hated each other, but at the same time still had that bond. I do enough in my life to create enemy’s, I won’t do it willingly. We have confronted our pasts recently, but also accepted that that is the past. We are amicable. An ex-gf I had I cut off contact because I was with someone else who felt it was no need for me to talk to her. Realistically, that is correct. Glad to be away and out of her life.

Tuesdays_Child's avatar

My husband and I are both good friends with our exes. His ex is one of my best friends. We were all involved in a business deal and ended up living in the same house with her and her husband for a short, transitional period. I figure that I didn’t even know her when they were married and she has never done anything to me, so why should I have a problem with her. Any way, we all get along very well and spend time together, it makes things much easier for everybody and since there are now two little grandbabies to consider, it just makes things a lot nicer! :~)

Cruiser's avatar

Yes!! My good friend is married to the brother of an ex of mine and the look on her face when she found out was priceless!!!

Stephystars263's avatar

Yes because sometimes it turns out that worked betweeen you two when you were in a relationship is there but it only works when you guys are friends. Sometimes it’s unhealthy though because you may dwell on bad memories or think too much on what could have been. It’s especially bad if the relationshi ended in a bad break up because it will be too awkward and the pain of remembering what that person did you may linger

tragiclikebowie's avatar

I am friends with a quazi-ex of mine. We were never officially together because he was cheating on his girlfriend with me (it’s a long story trust me), and we were only involved for a few months. It was a pretty messy “breakup” though. It took a while but, I helped him get through a traumatic breakup and we talk on a regular basis. He still pisses me off from time to time, but he always did that. The only thing that irks me is he still calls me the nickname he used when we were involved.

kheredia's avatar

I’m still friends with my first love.. I don’t talk to him that often anymore because we’ve both gone our separate ways but we try to keep in touch. My current boyfriend knows about him and it doesn’t bother him that I still keep in touch with him. We go out for lunch every now and then and it doesn’t feel awkward to me at all. He’s just become a really good ol’ friend. It took about a year after the break up for us to start talking to each other again but it’s been about 6 years since that happened so we’re okay now.

augustlan's avatar

I’m friendly with my ex-husband. We were married for 17 years and have three children together. Sometimes are friendlier than others, but on the whole we get along well. I’m also still friends with an ex-boyfriend from when I was 15. They’re both pretty good guys.

Now, if there are no children involved, and the relationship was a destructive one or the break-up very painful, I don’t think it’s wise to try to maintain a friendship. At least for a while, until hearts are mended.

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

I say no, since it’s awkward knowing that the two of you guys went out and are now “friends” again….It’s awkward to me..But I definitely wouldn’t stay friends with my ex…. She hurt me and it took me many weeks to about a month to recover to what she did to me…But the good side I think would be if you had a good relationship and you broke up for some stupid reason than a harsh reason then I see we could still be friends. It’s all up to you, whether or not you want to be friends it will change your life on that.

iammia's avatar

NO, both previous long term relationships that i was in ended in after they cheating on me. My last ex wanted to continue the relationship but he had no chance. I also lost my best friend in the scenario. Pair of Idiots!!

MacBean's avatar

I’m still very close friends with three of the people I’ve been in extremely serious relationships with. Of the other two, one died and one cheated on me. So… not so much with them. Heh. And I’m at least on friendly speaking terms with everyone I’ve dated casually. Never had a bad breakup in my life, outside the guy who cheated.

Scooby's avatar

No, best just to move on imo, ex’s have a bad habit of restricting future friendships / relationships…… lets stay friends!! Why?… Gets too complicated. I know……. :-/

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Yes.I talk to him often and he is a very good friend.

partyparty's avatar

A friend of a friend has kept in touch with an ex.
She actually meets up with him for long weekends. She says it is purely platonic.
I doubt it very much (and I think her SO thinks the same way as myself).

Frenchfry's avatar

No. We have always went our seperate ways. I figure I don’t want to bring up old feelings . So when I say goodbye I say goodbye. It helps they don’t live in the same place or area anymore.

BoBo1946's avatar

No. Too much pain after 20 years of marriage. I wish her well. I really do.

SundayKittens's avatar

I’m still on regular speaking terms with all my exes, minus the crazy one…even my first boyfriend from grade school!

I’d consider my last long term bf one of my best friends, and we were even roommates after the breakup!

lynfromnm's avatar

My ex and I share two kids and 2 grandkids, and have found it beneficial to everyone that we remain friends. We even exchange Christmas gifts and birthday greetings. We go to many of the same Little League games and holiday performances, family dinners and events. We can have long discussions and can even tease each other without the world crumbling.

iamthemob's avatar

I’m friends with nearly all my ex’s. There’s only one exception (it wasn’t a bad break up so much as a “your cuteness distracted me from the fact that I don’t really like you very much” – which when you take the sex away why would we still be friends?). But it should never be a decision whether you’re going to be friends if you’ve managed to be open and honest with each other throughout the relationship. Every time I’ve ended a relationship, it’s been after a discussion of just why it doesn’t seem right, right now. Being able to recognize that so often it’s the timing as much as the people is a good way to get past all of the BS.

amazonstorm's avatar

No, I haven’t. But that’s because the guy was a world class jerk who didn’t have the balls to break up with me to my face.

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Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I still know where in this world most of my exes are and can get in contact with them, if I wanted to. A couple of people in high school have returned into my life, we’re FB friends – one of them comes over pretty often and is good friends with my partner, as well. The first person I ever loved…I see him around Brooklyn once in a while but don’t feel the need to be friends – we wouldn’t mesh well now. My ex-husband and I are civil to each other because he’s the bio-dad of my first son but I wouldn’t call us friends. A couple of girlfriends from college and I have remained friends – one of them I will always love, she knows this and our story isn’t over yet but for now we’re separated by much land.

tuesday242's avatar

My ex is my best friend, we have 2 amazing children. we have a great time, if he or i have another partner then we bring them along too :)

Blueroses's avatar

It’s bittersweet, this world of social networking where we can “friend” our exes and see what we missed (or didn’t!)
If you can get to the point where you remember and appreciate the aspects you loved in a person while taking sex out of the equation, it’s a gift. You have a friend who knows you intimately.
This doesn’t work for every relationship. Nor should it.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Yes.. in fact, I wrote a post about it.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I would imagine that for some exes, sure, you could still be friends. I am not with any of mine, all for different reasons. In each case of mine, though, we were not friends to begin with and were never really friends during our relationships, so I can’t imagine we could be friends now.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Yes. My best friend of 25 years has also been my husband at one point. We stayed friends because our friendship was the best part of our lives, we let go the ideal of being marriage partners in order to preserve it and have been a support and inspiration for each other through good times and bad. Aside from him, I am friends with one other ex and though we don’t have much involvement, if I were to call on him for help and he could then he would and the same goes for me.

Adagio's avatar

@Stephystars263 …sometimes it turns out that (what) worked betweeen you two when you were in a relationship is there but it only works when you guys are friends…. I definitely agree with you.

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