General Question

Stephystars263's avatar

Friendship or relationship?

Asked by Stephystars263 (61points) September 22nd, 2010 from iPhone

Well there’s this guy who’s an ok friend of mine. We arent tight but good enough to have great converstions with. Recently ive started liking him and I absolutely hate it as I tend to get paranoid , obsessive and moody. But the most important thing is that i want to develop a close friendship with him. But if i have a crush on him, it will be hard for me. So my question is should I try to get over this guy I kind of know and develop a friendship and thats it or give him a shot and if it happens,go out with him?

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8 Answers

SamIAm's avatar

give it a shot… you won’t know until you try! i could go on with those cliches but i won’t…

ETpro's avatar

First, welcome to Fluther. I’m probably as inept a counselor as you will ever find, and disclaim any professional experience. But I never let that stop me from handing out advice, so here are my thoughts.

Seems to me if drawing close to someone triggers such emotional issues for you, then it’s going to be a problem in forming a long-term, stable relationship no matter whom you pick. I’d say get some help figuring out why contemplating colseness with someone triggers such feelings.

If you think this guy may be Mr. Right, you may want to tell him about your conflict and what you are doing to resolve it. He may be waiting for you to show interest, and if you don’t, he could interpret that as a sign you aren’t interested in anything more than a casual friendship. That could send him looking elsewhere.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Paranoid, obsessive and moody will not be good for any sort of relationship, friends or romantic. It’s really good that you recognize this pattern in yourself. I second @ETpro‘s advice about seeking some help to get at the bottom of the issue, and learn some ways to help you manage your feelings.

People sometimes subconsciously will do things in a relationship to deliberately drive away someone they care about, as if to prove that they knew they were going to be rejected. This is really unfair for the other person, because they are being set up to fail.

Cruiser's avatar

Use your woman’s intuition I am told it is pretty darn accurate!

partyparty's avatar

Do what you think is right for you.
If you like him enough and would like things to progress, then go for it! Good luck

Tuesdays_Child's avatar

If you think that by moving on to a more intimate relationship you will destroy the friendship with the paranoid/obsessive/moody thing then stick with the friendship, at least until you can get some help for the issues that you have. It really is a good idea to seek help for those, don’t let them control your whole life. Good Luck! :~P

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Why do you get this way? If he and you are a good match, nothing to be paranoid and moody about.

Kardamom's avatar

You already have a crush on this guy, but it sounds like you have a problem, in that you become paranoid, moody and obsessive when you start to have feelings for someone. Don’t try to hook up with this guy or anyone else until you solve that problem. If you get involved with this fellow, you will probably have a short, intense relationship with him that will end in an ugly breakup (he’ll break up with you when he gets sick of the crap and drama) and that is sure to color how you approach every relationship you attempt afterward. It’s all very exciting to have one of these dramatic relationships, until it ends, and they never end well. It sounds like you are young, a teenager possibly? If so, you really need to get some assistance to find out why you get these obsessive, moody feelings and figure out what to do about them. Better to get some counseling now, instead of 6 failed relationships later when you are in your twenties, or worse, your thirties when you are hoping to start a family. Part of maturity involves the ability to see where you are about to step and to be able to step into the right path, with confidence. Obsession, paranoia and moodiness do not make for happy relationships, they only create drama and heartache.

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