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Mom2BDec2010's avatar

In December, my fiance wants me to be a stay-at-home-mom any advice or anything I should be aware of?

Asked by Mom2BDec2010 (2666points) September 23rd, 2010


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11 Answers

Rarebear's avatar

The most important question you should be asking yourself is do you want to be a stay-at-home mom?

ETpro's avatar

That;s a great question. It’s an incredibly important decision, and I am looking forward to the thoughts that are posted about it.

I’d need to know how you feel about it before handing out advice.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Take some time to think about it and try to figure out if it is what you want. Here are just a few things to think about:

- How will things be financially? Will you be able to afford everything you need? (Rent, utilities, diapers, baby formula (if you don’t breastfeed), baby food as your baby gets older, clothes, copays if you have them, medical bills that may come up, food for you and him, etc.)
– Will you be okay with staying home every day and your primary communication being with a baby? How much adult interaction do you need to be happy and comfortable?
– What does he expect you to do while you are home? Is he expecting to come home to the house being spotless, the baby being content, and dinner on the table? These are things to ask him and discuss before it happens.
– Will he be willing to give you some downtime from watching the baby when he gets home or will he expect you to continue to do everything for the baby even after he gets home? Yes, he will be working, but you will want and need some downtime as well.
– At what point would you go back to work, if ever? You may want to talk to him about that ahead of time. When you do go back to work (if you do), will you put the baby in childcare or will you work opposite shifts so that the baby can be home with one of you?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. IMO it would be one of the most rewarding experience if your family can afford it or live within the income you have. (Let the flaming arrow and burning oil fly). Many will tell you that you will be giving up so much because they can’t imagine how much you would gain, and what your child will gain as well. Think of all the ”first” you’d get to experience, unless you’d rather have some daycare worker experience it for you? So long as you schedule activities and events outside the house so you don’t get cabin fever or feel you have no grown up interaction I think you could have a blast.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’m with @Rarebear – if this is not what you want, time to talk with your fiancee. Pronto. Otherwise, you won’t know if you like it, really, until you do it.

perspicacious's avatar

You should be aware of what YOU want.

Frenchfry's avatar

I am a stay at home mom.
I would say if you can do it is awesome.
I think it is good for the child in many ways to have mom always around.
No daycare bills, or worries about how my kid is being taken care of.
You will miss adult company. Sometimes when my husband gets home I am so happy I am talking a mile a minute. I would think taking a class or doing something with adults would be advised.
At first it was awesome you can make you own schedule but don’t let yourself get into rut
You can become depressed. Keep yourself busy… I have one more year and then my child is off to Kindergarden. I am excited to be back in the flow of work. I hope I helped you.

BarnacleBill's avatar

If you are feeling isolated now, with your friends avoiding you, I can only imagine that being 17 and a stay-at-home mom would be even more isolating. If you do stay at home, you may end up entirely psychologically and financially dependent on your fiance. Will that be good for you? When do you intend to get married? You have no legal protection financially if you’re not married.

The question is really, can you afford to stay home? If you do work, can you afford to work? Are you able to earn enough money to cover the childcare costs associated with working? Do you plan on going to college or taking some sort of vocational training while you are home with the baby?

From some of your posts, it sounds like he may have some control issues, and you may be setting yourself up for a situation that is not healthy for you if you don’t have some independence. If I were 17, pregnant, unmarried, financially and psychologically dependent on another person, I would be extremely worried about my future. Your child is going to be financially dependent upon you for the next 18 years. If something happens with this relationship, and decide to walk or need to walk away from the relationship, how will you be able to take care of your child if you have no education, work experience or self-reliance to fall back on?

Life experience teaches “prepare for the worst, hope for the best.” You always need to have a Plan B, even if you don’t use it. Statistically, the odds are against this relationship working out for you. The divorce rate for people who marry in their teens is 48%, compared to 24% after age 25 (CDC statistics). None of those 48% go into it thinking it’s not going to work out.

john65pennington's avatar

Here is an answer from first-hand experience: when the wife and i married, we both agreed that she would be a stay at home mom, in order to raise our children. i would provide the money and she would provide the guidance for our children. i worked two and three jobs each day for 20 years. this situation worked perfectly for us. fortunantley, my wife is a Cancer and loves to stay home. you may not be this type and you and your fiance should seriously talk this over. it basically means most of your social life may be over and your dedication will be shifted to your children and to-be hubby.

Each situation is different and only you two can decide what is best for you.

I will say this. having their mother at home, kept our children out of trouble. they knew they had someone to answer to each day after school. a time to be home and other house rules they had to obey. our children developed into outstanding citizens and never in trouble.

wilma's avatar

It depends on you.

wundayatta's avatar

My wife makes significantly more than I do. If anyone stayed home, it would have been me. As it was, we both work, the kids were in daycare, and now are doing very well.

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