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krose1223's avatar

How do you overcome your insecurities?

Asked by krose1223 (3254points) September 23rd, 2010

I have some body issues and I just don’t feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I was seeing a therapist for other issues and somehow my insecurity came up. I quit going because talking about it only made me feel worse, and that’s not really what I wanted therapy for. It’s not a weight issue so I just don’t see how I can fix it. I try working out and that helps, but eventually it stops helping… It can make me feel worse actually. It’s really hard to say/write everything I feel… but I guess for the sake of getting helpful answers I should. Basically I just don’t even feel like a woman. I have literally no breast (breastfeeding for 15 months made this worse.) and no figure. I work out and try to build muscle up in hopes of getting some curviness in my butt and legs but the only place I build muscle easily is in my upper body, so I end up looking more masculine. I am thinking about getting a personal trainer, but I don’t think that is an option financially right now.

I don’t know what else to do. It is so bad that it can even cause silly fights between me and my husband. He hates it. I hate it, but I feel like the more I think about it and try to deal with it, the worse it gets!

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19 Answers

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lillycoyote's avatar

I don’t have body issues really. I am what I am. I am woman enough for me, but apparently not women enough for most men. I deal with that. But I have insecurities in other area, most definitely. How do I deal with those? By simply diving in. By getting myself in so deep that I have no other choice than to succeed, if only to save face, if only to keep from embarrassing myself. I don’t know how this might translate into your situation or anyone’s but that’s basically how I have always dealt with my insecurities, at least the ones that really mattered to me. I wish I had something more concrete, more helpful, but if you can think of any way to just “dive in” so that you have no choice but to “sink or swim” I bet you will be surprised by what you are capable of. I know that may not make any sense, but it’s all I’ve got. Edit: Actually, I do have body issues, but they are so surpassed by my other issues that they are kind of near the bottom of the list, to be honest. Or maybe not, they may be more in the forefront than I care to admit, anyway, I am about to start babbling on about this or that or something else so I will stop there

Axemusica's avatar

I’ve been told I’m attractive, sometimes feel attractive, but due to how I’ve been treated growing up and a few significant others, I feel quite insecure. I’ve never thought of myself as an attractive person. I’m only realizing years later that I might actually be. For some reason I can’t embrace it though. Always in the back of my mind is that little bird singing the song of my insecurities. I joke about being the sexiest man, but I’m not serious. I actually don’t like my body that much. I’m trying to fix it too, but motivation is limited due to how much shit I’ve dealt and dealing with in my life.

As of this moment, I currently don’t really care anymore. Some say that might be an attractive trait, some don’t. Me? Well, I don’t give a F**k what you think about it, lol. I don’t care. Call me ugly, hot, whatever. Get it over with so I can go back to my lonely existence of just getting by.

YARNLADY's avatar

When my first son was born, my whole life changed. He was so perfect, I resolved to be the mother he deserved, and my insecurities disappeared.

augustlan's avatar

Short of breast and butt cheek implants, this is not something you can actually change. In that way, it’s like a lot of things that bother people, and why the Serenity Prayer works for so many, even if they don’t believe in God.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Basically, the key here is acceptance. Learning to love yourself just as you are. For me, therapy helped me immensely in that endeavor. If this is really affecting your quality of life, I think you ought to reconsider your decision about therapy.

FWIW, I’ve seen pictures of you and you are beautiful.
I’d gladly give you some of my boobage, if I could… being busty isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. :)

lillycoyote's avatar

@augustlan Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of the Serenity Prayer but I yam really a follower of the great 20th Century Philosopher and Sailorman, Popeye, who said I yam what I yam and dats all I yam. I think dat says it all. :-)

krose1223's avatar

thanks auggie you’re making me blush
I really want to do all these things, because they are all great answers! I want to be able to be a strong, care free of what people think kinda woman… but I don’t feel that way.
Is it just something you wake up one day and tell yourself? Is that how you were raised to think, or is it something you had to work at? I hate waiting for results. lol I just want to wake up tomorrow and be over this! I know that’s not going to happen though.

I know while I was in therapy a big thing she was trying to make me understand was self-talk… I guess this is what she meant. Meh.

Thammuz's avatar

If you’re too skinny, have you tried eating more meat? my father has a similar problem, he’s always getting thinner for some reason, all that remains unchanged is his muscles so we tried to put him on a diet of fat and proteins and it seems to be working right now…

augustlan's avatar

@krose1223 My self-esteem issues weren’t body related, but yeah, it was something I had to work on. My head was full of ‘shoulds’ (I should do this, be a better that) and ‘shouldn’ts’ (I shouldn’t be so this, think that). One of the things I’d hoped to accomplish in therapy was to change myself, so I could achieve those shoulds and shouldn’ts… meet my expectations for myself, I guess. That didn’t happen at all. What did happen was that my therapist finally convinced me that there really wasn’t anything wrong with me, just the way I already was.

When it finally sunk in, I felt like the weight of the world had lifted off my shoulders. I hope you can feel that relief someday soon.

the100thmonkey's avatar

Two words that I used to have on my fridge (although I don’t any more as my eldest can read): Fuck it.

It used to help me keep a sense of perspective.

krose1223's avatar

@Thammuz – No I don’t think I’m too skinny… But when I look in the mirror I feel like I have a twelve year old boys body.

@augustlan – That would be great. Did it take you a long time to get to that point? Was it just a lot of positive thinking?

@the100thmonkey – Ha. I can say that about a lot of things… I guess this just isn’t one of them.

augustlan's avatar

It did take a while… probably about a year. The whole ‘power of positive thinking’ thing doesn’t really work for me, but it does for a lot of people, so it certainly couldn’t hurt to try replacing the negative self talk with positive. Honestly, I think I just needed to hear it enough times, from someone whose professional opinion I respected. Also, my age may have something to do with it. I think we tend to be far more self critical when we are young, and become more comfortable with ourselves the older we get. Aging does have its rewards!

Thammuz's avatar

@krose1223 sounds skinny to me… no breasts and no butt can be fixed by a little more meat…

On another note: if therapy makes you feel bad it’s generally a sign that you’re starting to touch the actual issues. No problem can be solved without a little suffering.

Jabe73's avatar

Trying to answer the core of your question well then if you are not happy with yourself as a person than no matter how you look you will find faults with yourself. Trying to appeal to other people for physical reasons will only get you so far in the self-esteem department. Stop battering yourself here and find other reasons (take up new hobbies or interests if you have to) to help you feel good about yourself.

Trust me, this is coming from someone who is considered very good looking and on top of that I am in great physical shape and there were many times I felt like crap about myself. Do not make physical appearences your top priority here for boosting your self-esteem. No one is perfect.

krose1223's avatar

@Thammuz – That is not true at all, ESPECIALLY for me. Maybe when Jennifer Lopez eats a cheeseburger her butt will get bigger, but that is NOT the case for me. You can’t create breast tissue out of greasy french fries or even a sirloin steak. And when my weight is distributed the last place it goes is my butt. I gain weight in my tummy, arms, and face first. Every body is different in that way. So no, eating is not the answer. I am happy with my weight, I am healthy and I know I am definitely not too skinny.

@Jabe73 – Thanks… That is a really good way to look at it.

Thammuz's avatar

@krose1223 Ok, what about the other part?

krose1223's avatar

—Which part? The therapy thing? You might be onto something there… But I am not ready to go through the whole feeling thing. It’s easier to be mad and desensitized :)

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