What does someone like me even put on a résumé? How do I get recognized?

I’ve been slowly admitting to myself how badly I need a job. Today certainly sped that up.

In 9th grade, I remember taking a class and being taught about how to create a résumé. I remember that it’s important to put references, past jobs, education, extracurricular activities, groups, sports, whatever. To prove that you actually, you know, do shit.

Well, I don’t really have any of that.
The high school from which I graduated got shut down (funding issues), and the teachers are scattered all about. The only one I even know how to get into contact with is living in Spain.
I’ve been going to community college for 3 years and have no degree or certificate. I don’t even have a great GPA (at least, given that I’ve been doing absolutely nothing else). There’s no real teacher there I’ve had a connection with.
I’ve never had a job before, nor even been a volunteer worker.
The only organization I’ve belonged to was the Boy Scouts for about 3 months, when I was 11 or 12. I’ve never been part of a sports team, or any school group.
So because of all that, and the fact that I’m terrible at coming into contact with people and making relationships, I don’t have any references to give.

And on top of all of that, the job market isn’t in great condition. Or so I’m told.

I can compliment myself up and down the résumé but I know that won’t do anything, I know they want other people to do that.

So what does someone like me put on one, to get noticed? To not have it land directly in the trash can? To actually get a job opportunity?