Social Question

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Can you think of some really silly things to put in a personals ad?

Asked by Hawaii_Jake (30795points) September 28th, 2010

Many newspapers and magazines used to have a place for ads for people to meet one another. The Internet has largely taken over this function, and at least in the gay world, which I am more familiar with, the ads are mostly for one night stands.

Have you seen any that were humorous?

Can you think of some things to put in such ads that would be funny?

I saw one that said, “Garden gnome seeks a man who knows how to use his hose.”

I did not label this NSFW, because I want to keep the humor tongue in cheek. Let’s try to keep this lighthearted.

Let the double entendre commence.

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19 Answers

SuperMouse's avatar

My first thought was “If you like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, if you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain… ” etc. etc. Can you tell it has been a while since I was on the dating scene?

Trillian's avatar

Single, white foam sprite seeks male who can stay down for extended periods. Own spply of rubber wear a plus.
Single, greenish dryad seeks masterful, energetic outdoorsy type. Lumberjcks need not apply.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

“Twenty-something wite male Mensa candidate with perfect SAT scores seeks healthy female partner with similar attributes. Object: breeding. Are kids will be awsum.”

Jam_'s avatar

Albino he-she seeks similar.

Scooby's avatar

I would put. Lazy good for nothing male couch potato seeks female – personal maid to cook, clean & bitch him into changing his ways, possible relationship. :-/
No it’s not me, just thought it would be funny :-)

Cruiser's avatar

SWM seeks 300lb+ woman to sit and squash doughnuts on me.

syz's avatar

We had a local weekly that had men-seeking-women, women-seeking-men, etc, categories, but the category that I always looked for for entertainment value was “variations”. The best I ever saw was:

SWM, 35, seeks experienced dominatrix, transgendered and/or dwarf preferred. Serious inquiries only.

MissAnthrope's avatar

BABY BIRD / Fed up with watersports? Constrained by traditional dominant- submissive roles? Try a more nurturing role: feed me like a baby pelican! Both sexes welcome. I supply the raw herring, you bring the big strap-on beak. No weirdos.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Single male seeks double-jointed supermodel who owns a brewery and grows her own pot. Access to free concert tickets a plus, as is having an open-minded twin sister!

Trillian's avatar

This whole thread reminds me of a Bloom County series from many years ago that ended with the pengiun shouting “I QUIT!” What was that pengiun’s name?

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@Trillian : The penguin had a name?

Trillian's avatar

@hawaii_jake I don’t remember. It seems like he did, but I’m not a reliable source….

Rufus_T_Firefly's avatar

@Trillian – And Opus was his name-O.

Trillian's avatar

@Rufus_T_Firefly God thank you. Stuff like that makes me crazy.

Rufus_T_Firefly's avatar

Established, yet totally divided country seeks politicians with the ability to ignore ALL coporate lobbyists and bribes. Applicant must possess a U.S. birth certficate (short forms accepted), prove their intelligence by identifying both ‘sh*t’ and ‘shinola’, possess a good work ethic, be brutally honest and be open to considering and implementing new ideas. Prior experience in a similar position is a plus.

Compensation package includes generous annual salary, paid travel expenses, bullet-proof limousine, personal security and deluxe residence provided.

Religious fundamentalists, corporate shills, bigots, racists, warmongers and Glenn Beck/Ann Coulter fans need not apply.

If interested, please contact:

Federal Election Commission
999 E Street, NW
Washington, DC 20463
(800) 424–9530 | In Washington (202) 694–1100

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@Rufus_T_Firefly : Yep, that’s the silliest one yet.

Rufus_T_Firefly's avatar

@hawaii_jake – Yeah, I probably should have left out the compensation package.

smilingheart1's avatar

Die hard atheist seeks tryst with fruity theist. If compatible will shake your tree. Adams, Eves, Steves considered for compatibility. If fig leaf lifts, will help you bare it.

Rufus_T_Firefly's avatar

You know? If you change “Jesus Of Nazareth” to “Jesus Of Mars,” the New Testament becomes a fairly decent science fiction novel.

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