Social Question

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Do you hate it when people try to put words in your mouth?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (26798points) October 3rd, 2010

Do you hate it when people try to put words into your mouth? If you were asked about something, for instance how well a person plays piano and you give your honest opinion and say “I have heard better renditions of that piece that one was a little rough”, and later find out the kid’s parents interpret it as you saying their kids can’t play or was lousy at piano. Or you are asked who you feel should be promoted and you chose a woman because she was better but she also happens to be slender and attractive only to discover that someone said she was your pick because you believe she was hot, not because she had 4yrs exp over everyone else. That just bugs the hell out of me when people don’t hear what they want then imagine what they want in what I actually said. Do you feel the same way? Where do you find it happens most, if it happens, home, school or work?

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20 Answers

MissA's avatar

It just happens…everywhere. I agree with you, but I have not figured a way around it. Perhaps becoming a hermit might help! Good question.

mollydrew's avatar

I think it is a way of being in control and manipulating how others feel about you. By interpreting words the way they want too they can control how others feel about you and therefore manipulating situations so they feel or look better then you.

MissA's avatar


That’s an interesting perspective.

lillycoyote's avatar

There aren’t too many things I hate more.

MissA's avatar

In my family, there are those who not only maneuver the facts to make ugly indictments…they originate ‘new’ facts…bold-faced lies. I don’t see them much. I’m down to about every 5 years, unless a root relative dies.

DominicX's avatar

Yeah, I really can’t stand it. I hate having to say “I didn’t say [whatever I’m being accused me of saying]”.

For me, it happens the most online. I rarely find myself using the above phrasing in real life…

ucme's avatar

It’s a tactic deployed often by people who haven’t the intellect to debate on a mature level. Used to manipulate any discussion around them. Best ignored, swept under the carpet.

Cruiser's avatar

It happens all the time. Sometimes because they simply don’t know the whole picture but other times and the ones where my undies start to get in a bunch is when they make assumptions or are just too lazy to scope out the whole picture before injecting their own opinions.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

The misinterpretation can occur in any environment, but from my experience, it less frequently gets out of control with people I am friends with because they will ask for clarification. The work environment is where it runs rampant for me. When it does happen, the damage control is a pain. It often turns into a he said/she said scenario.

I think it is more likely to happen when someone doesn’t talk through their thought process and just gives their opinion. It becomes an open invitation for the person hearing the response to make an assumption as to why the person came to that conclusion. It often feels like they apply their own feelings to that assumption. For example, if I say, “Sue should get the promotion”, the person hearing the response assumes that this vote as been cast because he/she finds her attractive. If I share my reasons why I’d select her, there would be no reason for someone to put words in my mouth.

Mikewlf337's avatar

Happens all the time and that’s why I sometimes stay quiet and not talk to people. People like to minipulate what others said to make a mountain out of a mole hill. It pisses me off.

Frenchfry's avatar

They assume instead of ask. These people who do that stereotype and think negative more then positive. I hate that as well.

roundsquare's avatar

Its bound to happen and to some degree its good. We don’t have time to say everything so assumptions are necessary.

As I see it, the best way to control it is to realize how much someone knows you and decide how much to explain yourself based (in part) on that. My friends know how to interpret what I’m saying so I don’t usually need to explain myself too much. On fluther, I need to be more careful.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Yeah, happens all the time on fluther.

Austinlad's avatar

YES! I have a co-worker who only finishes my sentences (usually incorrectly), but also feels the need “re-say” whatever I’ve just said. Makes me nuts.

mollydrew's avatar

@MissA your family sounds very much like mine. with my father ill and very old my siblings set out to eliminate me from potentially inheriting any of my fathers assets. it has been a difficut , stressful and expensive three years of defending myself against lies. my father has passed away and so far each charge, one by one is dropped, my father didn’t know that he charged me with three felony counts of elder abuse. my siblings cooked it up and had him sign the indightment.

MissA's avatar


Oh, how horrible. I wasn’t accused of that…but, a relative said something very hurtful to my grandfather and blamed it on me. He died in my arms…neither one of us knew at that time, what had transpired. I wanted nothing material except for his jews harp, so they didn’t even need to resort to such hateful measures. I feel for you, Honey, because nobody should have to suffer through that sort of thing.

mollydrew's avatar

@MissA thank you, it did make me happy that my father knew nothing of the charges, he had early alzheimers, I never would have thought my own siblings would hurt me like this and they do not speak to me, no Thanksgiving, no Christmas, it’s very sad.

MissA's avatar


If that’s truly the kind of people they are, then
you are better off with friends…your ‘chosen’ family. Wouldn’t that kind of behavior be a hard load
to carry around.

mollydrew's avatar

@MissA yes my new family are friends, my chosen family. I have worked hard at blocking my real family out of my thoughts. They do not speak to me or include me so I have moved on, unwilling to sit in pitty. thank you

MissA's avatar


My best to you, as you continue on your journey through life. Good thoughts.

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