General Question

Jude's avatar

Why is loving someone (with all that you've got) so damn scary?

Asked by Jude (32109points) October 3rd, 2010

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

38 Answers

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Pardon me (before this Q goes to moderation for added detail), but what does “loving someone (with all that you’ve got)” actually mean, anyway?

SamIAm's avatar

ahh because you have so much to lose!

tragiclikebowie's avatar

Like @Samantha_Rae said, there is so much to lose. What if it doesn’t work out? What if they stop loving you or never love you back? What if they find someone else who they love more? There are a lot of “what ifs” and no guarantees.

deni's avatar

because you can very easily be hurt very badly i suppose. that being said, i aint scurred.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

They might not love you back as much as they loved others back and you might know of it.

They might love you because you’re good to them more than they love you with all abandon.

They might be lovable and loving but deeply hurt and damaged by their past, carrying it around with them like a third wheel.

They might fall out of love with you to persue someone else they really wanted all along.

You know you might fall out of love with them if you can’t overcome their baggage (or yours).

BarnacleBill's avatar

Trusting people with yourself can be scary.

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

I agree with @Neizvestnaya they may not love you back, or they may only like you for certain aspects of you maybe for looks or you buy them everything they could ask for….There are a lot of things But I look at it being scary because once you love a person so much and you might regret it later on. That’s only my fear of loving someone too much. I know it’s not everyones but mostly on what I think. Though Love isn’t something you should be scared of. (To me.) You’ll always find love somewhere.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Because there is a chance they will take your heart and break it into a million pieces….and then squish it, run over it with their car,then set it afire. after tasering it a few times
Once you get past that it’s not so bad ;)

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille: You forgot to mention the part of where they will broadcast their infidelities and un-love all over the internet.~

CyanoticWasp's avatar

I’m still waiting—in vain, probably—to find out what the term even means. Loving someone “with all you’ve got” just seems like Hallmark card drivel.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
MissAnthrope's avatar

Because if anything happened to them, you’d be devastated.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@MissAnthrope: That’s the unspeakable worst. That’s the one brings a clenched gut and teary eyes when by other reasons you think you are so gloriously fortunate.

Jabe73's avatar

That’s when you are most vulnerable and required to trust someone in the ultimate way. Maybe that’s why I’m afraid of it myself. I’m very introverted and not very trusting of others to begin with. and usually lost out the few times I’ve decided to leave my “gaurd” down.

However there is a difference between true love between two people and extreme obsession or lust.

Frenchfry's avatar

Trust and fear . It is hard to trust someone won’t hurt you. Fear that they won’t feel the same.

cookieman's avatar

@MissAnthrope FTW. That about nails it.

@CyanoticWasp: It is a schmaltzy way of saying it, but it basically means (to me anyway) that you’ve taken the true, inner, private you – shown it to someone and said, “Love me in spite of all this” – and they look, and they say, “I love you, because of all that”.

rooeytoo's avatar

@cprevite – wow, that’s a beautiful sentiment.

For me it is scary because it means I may make a fool of myself in oh so many ways. Seems as if all of the incidents in my past that I truly regret, have to do with the opposite sex and some stupid behavior that love or what I mistakenly thought was love precipitated!

But that is just me, for you I hope it is as @cprevite says.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Because when you are caught up in it, its so difficult getting out.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

When you let them in all the way, everything you have is on the line, everything they have is on the line, so your chances of getting hurt are double the normal “line”. The other side is someone’s got your back.

MrsDufresne's avatar

Love = Risk.

Love with all= Risk all.

gq

SuperMouse's avatar

For my money @Jabe73 sums it up the best, it is all about vulnerability. That word for me, encompasses all the insecurity I feel giving my body, heart and soul to another human being. I feel so passionately in love with this person it physically hurts me to imagine all the things that can come between us. My beau and I are both struggling with this very issue, I just keep reminding myself that a love like this is the greatest gift anyone can give or receive.

khemmy's avatar

@MrsDufresne,i agree with you love is equal to risk,love with all is risking all.All same,we take risk for risk

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

If you really love them will all that you have and they love you the same way, you agree to set aside the fear of being vulnerable or of getting hurt. The result is the best and most lasting kind of love.

Anonymously's avatar

Because it may not be return and I think that can be hard to handle/scary cause most of us want to be love

youcancallmemoonman's avatar

Because when it doesn’t work i feel like I’m not good enough.

amberrae's avatar

Because when you love someone with all you’ve got youre putting yourself out there to be very vulnerable. There is no guarentee that any relationship will work out and sometimes it takes a very long time and a great deal of love invested already just to find out that they werent the “one”.

illyasviel's avatar

There’s nothing wrong with loving someone but i agree with @amberrae. Loving someone with all that you’ve got won’t be doing you any favors. You have to leave some for yourself. Otherwise you crash and burn. And trust me, that ain’t pretty.

madsmooney1214's avatar

You could lose them!

SmartAZ's avatar

Because you don’t know what love is. You don’t hesitate to love a baby, do you? You don’t hesitate to love a puppy, do you? The difference is that you know what a baby needs: air, water, food, clean clothes, and personal attention. If baby does not get all five of those, baby either dies or turns into a very weird person. Same for the puppy. But when you think about “love” for another person, suddenly you get stupid. You don’t think about needs, you think about buying a life, buying a friend, and there is a risk that this person might not deliver what you are trying to buy. That is not love, it is barter. Love is when you are aware of a need and you take care of it. It is impossible to get ripped off because you are giving, not buying. Of course, barter is awfully nice when the deal goes smoothly. Just don’t confuse that with love.

Uberwench's avatar

@SmartAZ If you can’t understand the difference between romantic love between two adults and the love one has for a pet or a child, I think you’re the one who doesn’t understand love. Romantic love risks more of oneself. It makes one vulnerable in ways the other types of love do not and is more likely to go unrequited. These types of love also have different biological components. So it’s not so strange that romantic love and the love of a child or a pet might be psychologically distinct phenomena.

Coloma's avatar

@Uberwench The point, I think, that @SmartAZ is making is about unconditional love. One does not feel resentful for the needs of a baby or puppy but in traditional romantic relationships there is, more often than not, all kinds of hidden agendas aside from just loving the person in a non-needy/selfish way.
Love is love, and “true” love is always about wanting the best for your partner and about what you can give, not take or get.

SmartAZ's avatar

@Uberwench You confuse love with barter.

Uberwench's avatar

@SmartAZ You confuse the repeated assertion fallacy with having an argument. Also, nothing I said involves barter. I was talking about fear, which is what the question is actually about (not that you seem to pay attention to things like that).

@Coloma If that’s what he’s saying, then his answer is off-topic. No one mentioned resentment. The question is about why some people are afraid to love unconditionally.

SmartAZ's avatar

People are afraid to love because they don’t want to take care of somebody’s needs, they want some personal attention. They have to give attention to get some, and there is a possibility that they won’t get what they want in return. That is not love, that is barter.

Why is it so hard for you to consider a point that you don’t already agree with?

Uberwench's avatar

@SmartAZ Maybe that’s why some people are afraid to love, but I don’t think you’re in a position to speak for everybody. Some people are afraid to love because they’ve been abused by people they love and don’t trust themselves anymore. Some people are afraid to love because they’ve never done it before and fear the unknown. And some people are afraid to love because they’re not sure if they’re ready to commit that fully to another person. But that’s still not confusing love with barter. That’s knowing exactly what the difference is and not being sure which they want.

And it’s not hard for me to consider a point that I don’t already agree with. I considered it, decided it was stupid, and said so. Why do you expect people to just agree with you right away instead of questioning your ideas?

SmartAZ's avatar

Well, I can’t help it if I’m SmartAZ! Why do you have to be so unfriendly?

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther