Social Question

janedelila's avatar

Why is my (previously mentioned) crummy ex-boyfriend messing with my feelings when he clearly does not care about me?

Asked by janedelila (3904points) October 3rd, 2010

After a four months of being apart, no sex or anything, and a few revelations of more infidelity on his part during the relationship, I finally started not hating all men. I began to hang out with a considerate, compassionate, intelligent guy who sees nothing but my good qualities (for now anyhow). The ex is __flipping__! Calling, texting, trying to make me think this new guy is everything he himself is, while the whole time he’s still sleeping with two other women! What the hell??? I blocked him, threatened him with a restraining order, but he really hasn’t done anything to make me afraid. Just being obnoxious and unreasonable. Why would someone do that?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

20 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

He wants what he can’t have.Now tell him to fuck off.This time with feeling ;)

Seaofclouds's avatar

Because you allow him to get to you and he knows it. Start ignoring him and see if he gives up when he realizes that he isn’t getting to you anymore.

janedelila's avatar

Oh @lucillelucillelucille I know what you mean and I did. No contact policy in effect. No response policy in effect. But why? He doesn’t want me anymore, doesn’t try to touch me or anything like that, does not want to get back together. Control freak? Sure enough.

janedelila's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille Was just wondering what makes someone do something like this. Other that the control freak thing, which was evident before. My previous questions about him were about physical childishness and such. But still, he knows we are done for good. What a freakin jerk.

BarnacleBill's avatar

He has an overinflated opinion of his charm.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

He’s a lousy bastard and he doesn’t want to believe and more importantly doesn’t want you to think you’re worth anyone else’s better attention and treatment.

Coloma's avatar

Ugh, nutso relationship stuff.

I am so glad I am in -men-o-pause. lol

janedelila's avatar

@Coloma super sweet answer, and at this late hour he’s trying it again. Ignoring, ignoring….

Coloma's avatar


Oh yes, I have had my share of relationship stuff. It’s a nice break. lol

Yep, keep up the no contact, don’t take the bait no matter how tempting.

janedelila's avatar

@Coloma it’s not even tempting at this point. It’s getting kind of funny and a weird sort of pathetic. I must follow the no contact, no response rules or start all over again. Eff that.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

I think hes obsessed with you.
Wants your attention.
Is just making your life misserable.

downtide's avatar

The answer is in your question. Because he does not care about you. He cares only about himself, his image. He’s jealous and he’s lost face.

janedelila's avatar

@downtide AHA!! Because I keep seeing him as the heartless bastard who cheated on me repeatedly __wanting to put his head on a pike out front of the house__ it never actually occurred to me that he might feel pretty stupid right now. Thank you, much lurve to you!

janedelila's avatar

And thank you all! He the King of Idiots, is total history. No contact, no response, no interest. Haven’t seen him for almost a month, and if I did, I’d look the other way in disgust.

downtide's avatar

@janedelila Glad to hear it. (hugs)

GoWithTheFlow's avatar

I would say PRIDE and selfishness are his problems. Seeing you with someone else who is actually DECENT threatens his ego. Maybe dating you boosted his ego, and suddenly the moment he didn’t feel better than he actually is, he pinned it as being your fault, when in reality, it’s his own self perception, self acceptance and love that are the problems.

I think the reason he’s sleeping with women like this and yet going after you simutaneously is that he’s looking for women to make him feel like more of the man that he, clearly, has not yet become.

Coloma's avatar

Yep, read : Narcissisim.
All about them, all of the time. People are just props for their shakey sense of self.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

*Sings… “Jealousy, is such an ugly word, and lastly what I need from youUuUu.”

Zaku's avatar

Because he’s a messed up control freak? Because he has psychoses from family abuse that he is recreating with your relationship.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther