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JLeslie's avatar JLeslie said

Thougt you would like this one after you recent post :)

An oldie but a goodie, no the numbers are not verified, but still funny.

Dear Red States…

We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own
country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the
Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and
especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the
slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. You get
Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get
Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get
Ole’ Miss.We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax
revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than
the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get
a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice
and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq
at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their
children’scaskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our
resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of
80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the
pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95
percent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at
state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech
industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,
sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus
Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to
cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected
health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100
percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of
all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists,
Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of

We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states
believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe
life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws,
44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam
was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Peace out, Blue States

July 22nd, 2009