Controlling parents refuse to let me move out?! Help!

Asked by Aubs427 (421) November 3rd, 2010 from iPhone

I’m 21 and have been living at home this whole time. I’ve wanted to move out before, but never had the means or options to do so. I had gotten a bit desperate to move out because my parents are too controlling and they act like children sometimes. They’ll get mad and yell or even throw things over something incredibly minor. So, my only way was to join the Air Force (with their approval) in July, but many things have changed since. Recently, my boyfriend suggested I move in with him and go to school/work by his place. And, we both are financially prepared for this.

About a month ago, I had confronted my mom about moving out MINUS the boyfriend part. I had told her I was going to live with a close friend (who she knows in real life who’s been on her own for 3 years) and I laid out the whole plan (budget, work, etc). She had been in a bad mood that day and had said in a very negative tone, “I want to see you go do it.” But, she was just talking; she didn’t actually mean it. That night she had told my dad who quickly dismissed the idea of me moving out and said the air force was my ONLY option.

I had confronted them once more a few days ago telling them the same plan about moving out and my mom had told me she wasn’t going to force me to go to the air force, but that I wasn’t allowed to move out. She had questioned why live away from home and go to school or work if I could live at home and do the same thing. And, she had started to yell and even at some point started crying, stating that it would drive her crazy and she would lose sleep worrying about me, which I know is natural. My dad had the same reaction from before stating air force was the only option. I remained very calm and would try to state that I’m an adult and that I need to do this because I wanted to be able to be out there in the real world and struggle because everyone struggles. That’s how they learn. But, no matter how adult-like or calm I remained; they would yell and state that it wasn’t going to happen.

My older sister who has always sided with my parents had said to me if I was going to go through with my plan (packing up and leaving a note but not stating where I was going to be because they’ll most likely go there and drag me back home); my parents would be hurt and devastated and that it would drive my parents crazy. And, my sister had said, “You’re just going to leave us like that?” But, I’m just wanting to move out. She’s been out there for 10 years. But, she’s been the star child so it was much easier for her. I’m still going to call them to let them know I’m safe and update them whenever they call and even visit. But, when my sister said that; she made me feel incredibly guilty.

I love my family, but I just want to move out and live my OWN life for once. But, do I do it at the cost of hurting my family? And, most likely them burning the bridges (not me to them; but them to me). Even with the constant emotional and physical abuse, they’ll do nice things for me and it isn’t always chaotic; but when it gets even a little bad; it’s WWIII. My plan is to move out on Friday after work, pack up, and leave a note. And, I know they love me but I need to do this.

What do I do when they call me yelling at me to go home and to tell them where I am and continuously yelling and calling me names or making me feel incredibly bad?