How (specifically) would you deal with someone who won't listen? (Details follow)

I was talking to my neighbor today as one of the couples down the street got divorced recently. She and her husband (also) have had some problems…not serious ones (that I know of.) They are working to fix things. But, today, she said the greatest issue is that he says to her, “Well, tell me what I can do to make things better.” And she tells him, “Tell me you love me more often, remember my anniversary, ...etc, etc.”

The hitch? He won’t do what she asks, despite the fact that she tells him specifically because he doesn’t like to be told what to do. (I know him and I can see that in him. He’s very Type A, and has to be the one in charge.)

So, it’s this Catch-22. She says they have disagreements, he apologizes for his boorishness and says, “How can I make this up to you…? Tell me what you need me to do to show you that I love you.”

She tells him exactly what she would like and he doesn’t do it as if something in his head cancels being told what to do immediately despite his agreeing to do it. I am guessing this is past conditioning as in “No one pushes me around, I’ll show them.” And if it is the latter…..how do you get past that especially in matters of the heart? I am not sure if this disconnect applies at work also (where he is a top guy and probably doesn’t have that many people above him anyway…so he can bark out orders to everyone….he is a barker.) But it certainly is in his marriage. Have you ever known anyone like this? I had absolutely no clue what to say to her to help.

I know there are other ways to communicate…via how you process information. For example, maybe she could find out if he was auditory or visual etc (not sure what the others are offhand, it’s late)...does anyone know about this or how to deduce this in a person? Would this even make a difference or not?

If you know of any other ways (aside from her dumping him! lol) of solving her problem, please let me know. I was truly stumped on this one.