Why am I so messed up emotionally?

I almost never cry. I try my hardest not to cry no matter what. It’s because anytime I cry for the next week or so after I’m just completely miserable. If I bottle it up then even though I feel a little sad I can still enjoy my day. Sometimes it just all gets to me and I can’t take it. When I do cry, even just a little bit even if it’s not even emotional tears, I can barely get myself threw the day. I feel like I did when I went through depression. Since I don’t cry I usually turn to the the outlet of anger. I’ve been trying to control it, but I often get angered and flip on people who don’t deserve it. The anger consumes me and I usually let it because it feels better than crying. At least with anger I can let it pass and get on with my day. Why does crying make me feel depressed for days? Not being able to cry naturally is eating me alive and making me into someone I’m not.