Is it my fault that my parents are ignoring me?

Well I am sorry for the really long question. There is just so much to it and it has been really bugging me.

I recently emigrated from the Netherlands to England to live with my fiancée and her parents. I stopped my studies in the Netherlands and made preparations to move after my partner found out she was pregnant. Sadly enough we lost the baby at seventeen weeks and I decided to emigrate anyway so we could be together at last and didn’t need to be in a long distance relationship anymore. To make 2011 a better year than 2010 we got engaged.

Anyway since and already before my move my parents and 3 sisters (I am the only boy and the oldest) have been completely ignoring me. There has been no contact from their part and last time me and my fiancée came by for my parents 25th wedding anniversary and our own wedding arrangements it was a complete disaster.

We had to pull out our savings to pay for the trip and rearranged our schedules to be there which took quite a lot of effort. But we were barely greeted after we arrived and we weren’t allowed to rest after our five hour trip. We had to clean up my old room, get the airbed out, vacuum and dust and then celebrate my sister’s birthday because it was her day after all. It also turned out they will give my oldest sister far more money and support than they will ever give me because she is studying far away (three hours from my hometown) despite the costs of studying being far higher in England. My parens call my second sister’s boyfriend their surrogate son and he gets more attention than I do and a better place to sleep. They barely talk to my partner.

When we got ill because of lack of sleep and I couldn’t participate in a traditional celebration (putting up a wedding gallon with family friends) I got blamed by my sister for not doing enough for the family, for abandoning them, not spending enough time with them (Even when I am in the room, they won’t talk to me), for complaining too much and for being a wimp. My parents didn’t speak to me at all afterwards despite me attending every other celebration. I tried to talk to my mother but she walked past me and instead greeted all my sisters separately, knowing full well I was in the same room. My dad started talking to my partner more (Even when both my parents dislike her and he never starts a conversation with her unless there are people around) after giving me the most dirty looks.

I know emigration can bring up a lot of emotions, especially combined with the marriage, miscarriage and the fact that they don’t like my partner and blame her for stealing me (She can’t speak Dutch and can’t learn it due to her dyslexia, so emigrating was no option for her). But they never seem to understand that this was all hard for me too and that I have my own life now.

I also know I don’t fit in their expectations of me and am the first one to break out of the tight family of six unit. But I am doing fine. I got accepted into university, I have a job, I like my future inlaws, my relationship with my partner is great and I am healthier and happier than I ever have been.

So is this my fault? Everybody in the Netherlands compliments my parents for their great parenting and how hard it is to lose their only son. They will tell all their friends that they are proud of me but they never say anything affectionate to me personally and they ignore me when I come to visit.

So am I doing something wrong? Is there something I can do? Do I need to see the side of my parents more? Should I contact them more often? Or is this hopeless?

Thank you so much for reading.