How can I be more "alpha"?

This may be somewhat long, so please bear with me. This is in regards to something that has been bothering me for a long time, and I figured the relatively understanding Fluther community would be able to offer some insight to me.

Basically, I am very much a “beta” male, and I’m sick of it. To understand what I mean, I’ll offer some context:

I’m a male (obviously), age 21, and I was raised by a single mother and from a very early age, I was taught to always be courteous to women and that most, if not all men are abusive scumbags. I never had a real strong male figure in my life growing up. Essentially, I have grown up to be extremely passive, guilt-ridden, and accommodating, and my codependent family knows that they can use guilt and my eagerness to please to get anything they want from me.

Now that I’m nearly done with college, this sort of persona I have developed has been defined by my friends. To them, specifically my male friends, who are almost universally strong, cool, tall, and uber confident, I am a dyed in the wool beta male. I was skeptical, at first. Aren’t we human beings, who are beyond such pack animal psychology? The more this persona of mine was validated, the more I started to believe it. It wasn’t just my group of suave college friends that called me beta, but multiple disparate groups, which cemented in my mind that it isn’t just the people I hang out with, but it is really something about me.

I asked my “alpha” male friends for advice, and they told me I need to start acting more aloof, detached, and disinterested. I tried this for a while, and the reactions I got were along the lines of “why are you such an asshole now, Indy? You were so sweet before…” Basically, mimicking what makes them liked and gets them dates failed miserably for me.

With all this in mind, I should note that I’m often told that I’m very attractive and interesting, but as soon as I make a move, I’m usually rejected, but with the qualifier that I’d “make a great husband.” Numerous girls have told me this… that one day girls will “stop being stupid” and “realize how awesome a stable guy like [me] is.” And then they go back to dating their last boyfriend who beat them.

Every. Damn. Time.

The girlfriends I have had almost universally complain that I am too accommodating, and that I don’t offer any “challenge” or “difficulty,” which is ostensibly the spice of modern relationships. They’ve complained that I don’t try and fight with them and that this is a clear sign of a lack of passion.

“But you’d be the perfect husband…” they still say.

This pattern has been repeated over and over again and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being told how beta I am, I’m sick of having to speak loudly just to get people to listen to me, and I’m sick of being told I’d make the perfect theoretical husband once girls are “done being stupid and fucking around with abusive men.”

It’s disgusting. My self-esteem is in shambles. I have zero self-confidence, and I’m starting to spiral into self-loathing. I figure that the only way I can adapt is if I really figure out what it means to be “alpha” so maybe people will start respecting me as opposed to treating me like their doormat.

So, Jellies, I ask you:

How can I become “alpha?”