Is it really ALL about the way I look?

This is pseudo-weight question really, but stay with me here…

I’ve put on three stone in the last 18 months. I’m trying not to excuse it by saying it’s the propranolol or dosulepin that I’ve been taking. I drink too much and eat too much. But I desperately want to lose weight. But equally i keep trying and I’m not getting anywhere fast.

I feel so depressed (so I think the meds aren’t working anyway) and I feel that a lot of it is down to my self-concept and self-image. I look at pictures of myself when I was thinner (see avatar) and think oh MY I was so much happier in my skin then, but more than that…I used to dance around the living room at weekends, not sit on the sofa and drink wine… (I still drank wine, but at least I’d be dancing it off!), I used to come on Fluther regularly, I had friends, I talked to people, I felt amazing in my clothes, I felt that I could do anything, I had dreams, and worked towards them, I didn’t bang into walls with my big thighs, I looked forward to the sunshine, I wanted to get out into the world, now I just want to hide away and let it all go away…

There are so many other things as well…but my point is, that I feel very much like my weight defines EVERY part of my life. I have also tried to ignore this and make it not so…be happy in myself, love my body as it is… but it just doesn’t happen… I loathe myself. Because even waking up in the morning makes me confront the sad fact that I hate how my body feels, before I’ve even got out of bed.

Is it really that powerful enough to define every part of who I am?? AND if so…then why can’t I get a grip and do something about it…stay focused and actually get somewhere with it??!!