What shall I do about my recent change of heart?

I’ll try to keep this short, but I do apologize in advance if it runs long. I just really need to get this off my chest and, hopefully, get some advice.

Here’s the situation: a week and a half ago I was a bridesmaid at one of my best friends’ weddings. It was a beautiful ceremony and I actually cried for the first time in ages! Well, a few days before the wedding I met the best man who is the groom’s cousin and best friend. We hit it off right away and had so much in common! I had no illusions of him liking me because I’m cynical like that. However, according to my friend and everyone else who knows him, he was head over heels for me and they kept catching him dreamily smiling to himself at the end of the day after we’d talked/spent the day doing wedding-related things and when they asked him why he was smiling he would start talking about me and then shyly say “I don’t want to talk about it.” My friend also said that they haven’t heard him talk about any girls in years, so they were all pleasantly surprised with the new developments.

It was a morning wedding and the celebrations came to an end close to 4pm. After we sent the couple away on their honeymoon we all stayed behind to clean up. At the end he asked me for my number and whether I’d like to hang out later in the evening, to which I said yes. He took me to a wonderful play and, after intermission, he put his hand on my knee and after a little while we held hands and then he eventually wrapped his arm around me. Anyway, after the play ended we spent the rest of the evening in town walking around, chatting and then finally making out in the little town square. Unfortunately I had to leave early the next morning and he even offered to drive me to the airport two hours away. We stayed in touch via text message for the first couple of days. I’m usually not forward at all when it comes to these things, but in this situation I knew I had to take matters into my own hands otherwise I would’ve kicked myself forever for not doing anything. I sent him a message saying that I’d sincerely enjoyed spending time with him and that I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him but that I didn’t mean to put any pressure on him (which I sincerely didn’t want to do) and that I would understand if the feelings weren’t mutual. He replied almost immediately and said that he, too, enjoyed our time together because he was really happy whenever he was with me and that he’d been thinking about me, too. However, his life had been in crisis for years and he’d spent many years avoiding a relationship (according to my friend he’d had his heart broken by a girl many years ago) and he was finally getting to a good place in his life and didn’t feel comfortable bringing someone into it just yet. I was crushed, but could understand where he was coming from because I, too, have spent the better part of this past year healing myself after a horrible relationship. But I was also very appreciative of his candidness with me. We exchanged a few more texts but it hurt too much to talk to him and not be able to take things further so I stopped (but I didn’t let on that I was crushed).

Well, we started texting again today, a week after our last message. The main thing I’m struggling with now is that I want him in my life forever. I know this may come off a little silly, but I can’t imagine my life without him in it. I’m not a romantic person by any means and I do not believe in love at first sight (heck, I don’t even believe in marriage), but this guy has flipped my whole world upside down and I want nothing more than to be with him. He’s just so wonderful and different from every other guy I’ve ever met! He’s incredibly smart and funny and such a free-spirit, not to mention that we have so much in common! I don’t care if we ever get married or not, I just want to be with him (although, according to my friend, he’s a very romantic guy and always talks about how much he wants to meet a special someone and get married; also, according to her husband – my guy’s cousin – I’m exactly the kind of person he always describes as his ideal mate). I know it’s neither lust nor infatuation because I’ve experienced both and this is nothing like it. He sincerely touched my heart on a very deep level and I don’t know how to cope with not having him in my life as my SO. I was happily and blissfully single and then bam he comes and changes everything. Ugh.

What should I do?? And how do I deal with my sudden change of heart about wanting to get married and spending the rest of my life with this wonderful guy? This has never, ever happened to me before in my 24 years of life…I’m just so confused and in need of some enlightenment…

I’m so sorry this is so long, but thank you so much for reading this far.