What, if anything, should I do about this situation with my mother?

This will be long, but I’m hoping some of you will read it, because I’m not sure how to handle this situation.

For those who do not know, I am 23 years old, I’m married, and my husband and I have been living together since we were 19. Last year, we bought a home very close to his work but, consequently, we’re also 5 minutes away from my parents’ house. I’m a college student graduating in December with a BA in Psychology with a Criminal Justice minor. I started off in nursing school in 2008, but decided the medical field isn’t for me. My husband and I are very independent, have never asked anyone for financial help or anything like that, and we are probably the most mature and driven people in both of our families.

You should also know that my mother is very hard to get along with. She was a wonderful mother while I was growing up, but circumstances have seemingly changed her entire personality. Her marriage with my step-father is not a good one. He has anger issues (no abuse) and is generally unhappy with his life and my mother has some mental health issues (depression, anxiety, among others) and has been on disability for over a decade due to chronic pain in her back. My 32-year-old sister and her daughter live with them and my sister has been addicted to narcotics for quite a few years. My mom has to deal with a lot of stress because of this and her constant frustration is taken out on those around her. I have no interest in getting involved in the drama over there, so my husband and I limit our visits to once a week. It’s a toxic environment and I almost always leave that house extremely annoyed.

We went over there last night for about 20 minutes to pick something up. My mom starts talking about school and my future and, seeing where this was going, my husband tried to get me out of there before things got heated. You see, my mom always told me she didn’t see how I could be a nurse when I “have no compassion for people.” Well, you think she’d be happy knowing she was right when I quit nursing school for something I really love. I have plans to work in probation/parole after graduation and then see where that leads me. I love the law, the criminal justice field, and psychology. I’m currently doing my second internship at probation and I’m told I should have no problem getting a job there, provided there is an opening in one of two counties I can work in. I’ll be the first person in my family to get a degree, I have a 4.0 GPA in school, I work, and I always thought I had a good head on my shoulders. Well, ever since I left nursing school, I feel like a constant disappointment to my mother. It seems that she believes my degree is useless, I’ll never find a good job, and I’ll never make decent money.

Here’s how part of the conversation went:

Mom: So, are you going to be a criminal psychologist?
Me: No. I’ll only have my bachelor’s.
Mom: Well, then you need to keep going and get a graduate degree. I see a lot of criminal psychologists on TV all the time.
Me: I can’t go to grad school right now. I need to find a job and start making money so Josh doesn’t have to support me anymore.
Mom: Then go online.
Me: It’s more complicated than that. I’ll already be in debt with school loans, I don’t need to add to that right now. I’ll go back to school when I can afford it.
Mom: Lauren (family friend) got her PhD online and now she makes a lot of money teaching college.
Me: That’s good for her, but I don’t want to teach.
Mom: Well, what about being a lawyer?
Me: I need law school for that.
Mom: (condescending laugh) Well, then what can you do with this degree?
Me: Okay, that’s enough. (this is where I got up and calmly left the house)

You have to understand that I’ve had this same conversation with her more times than I can count. I’ve explained my plans, I’ve tried to tell her what my options are, and I’ve gone over my own personal research with her on what I can do with my degree and where I might go once I get some experience under my belt. She is very unimpressed with my potential salary at probation, as well.

What I wanted to say is: “I’m sorry that going to college and getting a degree isn’t good enough for you. I’m sorry I won’t be making what you deem a sufficient amount of money. I’m sorry I don’t have my PhD. But this is my life and you’re just going to have to deal with the fact that my choices are none of your concern. I’m an adult and I can make my own decisions about my future.” She knows I get mad when she says these things to me, and she just continues to do it. I don’t know why she’s so concerned with how much money I’m going to make. We’re doing pretty well with just my husband’s salary, so why would I need to make six figures in order to do well? I picked this career field because I want to love my work. I don’t want to make a lot of money doing something I hate. But, she doesn’t care about that. It’s as if it’s her life and she has some say in the matter.

What would you do in this situation? I’m so aggravated and she never even bothered to call and patch things up with me after I left last night. Should I just stop caring what she thinks and live with the fact that I’m a huge disappointment despite working my ass off to move forward in life on my own terms?