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What is wrong with me? Why am I hesitating to follow through on things? (more)
I am finally ready to transfer to a four-year college, a moment I have waited for for a long time. I returned to school about 3 years ago, but since I can only take evening classes, it has taken a while to get to this point. (And it probably doesn’t help that I changed my major a little over a year ago, either…although it wasn’t too many additional classes to take.)
The next step is to fill out the application…and I haven’t even printed it out yet. I am supposed to start this spring, so I know I need to get going on things. In addition, a former professor will be writing me a letter of recommendation, but I can’t even give him the timing on that until I am ready to submit my application.
What is holding me up? I know the below issues may be stressing me out, but I can’t understand why I am putting this off…
1) Money…sent in my FAFSA, but I’m still concerned what I will do if I can’t get a scholarship or a grant. (I live paycheck to paycheck.)
2) Fear of failure, again?...Years ago (20, to be exact), I dropped out of college. I am terrified that whatever caused me to do so before will reoccur (and no, I still can’t figure out what was going on in my head back then).
3) Fear I won’t do well…With my new major, I am worried I won’t be able to cut it in a much younger field. I got A’s in all my related courses so far, but I feel so ignorant of so many things others seem to already know about…and what if I can’t find a job is and when I do earn my degree?
4) The one person who has been supportive of my decisions will be a lot less accessible. Friends and family don’t understand why I changed my major, and constantly ask me how long it will be before I graduate. I feel totally alone in my endeavor…
Looking for some advice…or a good, swift kick in the butt…whichever applies here.