How can I stop comparing myself with others?

Good afternoon all,

I’ve been struggling with low self esteem for a good part of my life. It is very hard for me because from a young age, people have been calling me ugly and these words still resonate 24/7 in my head.

I’ve been working on myself a lot spirituality and in most of my readings, they explain what to do in order to change your life. For example, they say that you completely have to change inside so your outer reality changes as well. In example, change your negative thoughts for positives and life changes. The books I’m reading are good, but I feel like they don’t go deep enough. For example they say you have to stop resisting your emotions and let them flow, but the don’t tell you how to let them flow. They just say: just flow.

Anyways, what I’m asking is for the one that are in it deeper. The one that are deep in their darkness, how can we get out?

I feel like it keeps pulling you back in (In example with my ugly thoughts) and I don’t know how to overcome them.

It have been really hard for me. Since I was 11(I’m 22 now) EVERYONE have been comparing me with my cousin that is beyond beautiful (like magic, and everyone with no exceptions is attracted to her, I also find myself staring at her that’s how pretty she is).

People are always, always comparing us and putting me down. I know that she is prettier than me. There is nothing to argue about it, no competition. But how can I overcome the ill feelings.

Last year something very terrible happened. A guy that I was speaking with for about a year and a half made me think he was really into me and after the first time of having an intimate relation, he made sure to tell me the next morning, don’t tell your cousin though. (He even added, I thought she was speaking to that guy but no, so..) Meaning he was into her the whole time. How humiliating and hurtful is this. I looked very stupid to even think he could possibly liked me. Now we’re a year later and his words still resonates in my head, and the ugly thoughts are even louder than before. How can I overcome this? I love my cousin to death and we are ALWAYS together. But I hate the fact that this is always in my mind and every time I look at her, it reminds me how ugly I am.

I know that she is prettier, I know that but to live with the fact that the one I ended up liking didn’t have ANY feeling for me at all and really wanted her hurts like hell because she magically beautiful and there is no competition.

How can I stop this, how can I stop thinking and compare myself to her? She’s so beautiful I feel like she should have been blessed to be around people as beautiful as her.

There are days I just wish I could disappear.