How to overcome this?

Good morning all,

In a quick resume, someone faked their interest towards me for about 1year and a half just to get closer to my best friend who is also my cousin and is incredibly beautiful. Sparing the details, this situation hurt me very hard and got me to feel very bad about myself and I started compare myself with her.

I understood for obvious reasons why he did all this (her beauty beyond words). Maybe he felt intimidating by her beauty and didn’t have the guts to talk to her directly so he targeted the ugly prey for his plan.

What I don’t understand is how someone can fake an interest towards somebody for so long and look at them in the eye while doing it. How can he ask me so much about myself, ask me to open up to him and other personal questions regarding the both of us if his intentions were not for me ?

It disgusts me, I feel terribly humiliated and it overwhelms me how he doesn’t care for me at all. He stopped talking to me and I can’t believe he does not have one thought/consideration for me? He has never contacted me since. I have tried to message him despite it all but he was so cold. He makes me feel like a monster who ain’t shit (sorry my language) and who doesn’t deserve the basics of respect… He even commented on a picture my cousin posted saying she was a very beautiful. Shows how much he does not care. It hurts me so much because I fell for him. I really liked him and really appreciated him for his personality. Now seeing that he was not a good person kills because I already fell and my feelings just don’t want to go.

I am humiliated because we had exchanges. I have never done anything wrong to him. I was always boosting him up and making him laugh. We used to talk everyday for a year and a half and it still didn’t make him see any value in me. No he is lusting after a girl who is not at all interested in him, if you saw the way he looks at her. He changes around her and acts shaky just to talk to her. My cousin and I comes from the same place, we are almost the same just our physical bodies are different. It hurts to see how people treat people differently based on their appearances.

How can I stop comparing myself with her, each time I look at her I recognize her beauty and understand his action, then I asked myself how can someone be so beautiful and why was I done so ordinary, unnoticeable. I also ask God why he placed us in the same space if I don’t match her beauty and I think she should be surrounded by beautiful people also.

I love my cousin but these feelings from this experience are heavy and I would love to experience our relationship fully and transparently without having these battles with my mind while experience life.