How should I deal with a jealous and negative friend?

I’m a woman in my late twenties who has been pretty good friends with another woman for about nine years. We met when I was trudging my way community college through community college on my way to transferring to a four-year university. We were both adventurous, rebellious and intelligent young women and would sometimes cut class together to smoke pot and hike.

I eventually moved on, graduated from college, lived abroad, and settled back in NYC. She’s moved to Colorado, but we’ve stayed in touch and flown to visit each other a few times.

I’ve had my fair share of struggles over the years, but generally speaking, have a reasonably positive outlook and enjoy my life. I try to have “live and let live” attitude and to be supportive of my friends and their happiness as well as my own.

Unfortunately, over the years she’s becoming increasingly bitter, unhappy and isolated. Despite coming from a privileged and affluent background with financially supportive parents and many opportunities, she never finished college. She says that college graduates are foolish, vain “sheeple” and loves to share her disdain for higher education on social media and in every conversation she gets a chance.

It’s true that post-secondary education isn’t for everyone and some very intelligent people can be perfectly fine without it. I’ve never criticized her for not finishing college, but she uses the fact that I went the traditional route and got a bachelor’s as a point to drive home her moral superiority and to backhandedly call me stupid every chance she gets.

I live in Manhattan with my partner and couldn’t be happier where I landed. I understand that urban life isn’t for everyone but I enjoy it with all of its quirks and idiosyncracies. She now lives in an RV (that her parents bought for her) and works on a ranch in CO caring for livestock. She’s a strict vegan and smokes pot all day, every day as she has for nearly ten years and thinks that anyone who doesn’t live her crunchy granola, “close to the earth” lifestyle is beneath her.

Unfortunately, this isn’t good enough for her. And she never misses and opportunity to cut me down for living in New York. Whether it’s in conversations or on social media, she always finds a way to bring up the fact that NYC is a horrible place filled with horrible people and I should be ashamed for living here.

These aren’t just silly little snarky comments or gentle ball-busting between friends. She has been openly hostile to me for moving here while people suffer in rural poverty in upstate NY for a long time (I’m from upstate NY). She has a younger brother who also lives here and she’s not close to him anymore—I think she uses me to deflect some of her hostility she feels for him but that’s a different story.

The way she behaves is very nasty and quite frankly smacks of jealousy and general sour grapes. It’s gotten to the point where I dread getting a Facebook notification from her because I know it’s almost always going to be something nasty and contrarian. The other day, I posted a silly status about gross stuff that happens in restaurants and she launched into a diatribe about what a spoiled New Yorker I am and what jerks New Yorkers are in general. I finally called her out and asked her 1) why everything has to be an indictment of my choice in cities and 2) told her that her constant comments about my lifestyle makes me think that she thinks poorly of me and doesn’t respect my character.

I’ve actually deactivated my FB for a few days to avoid dealing with her. I’m at my wit’s end with this person and I realize how negative she’s been to me for the past few years in spite of me being kind and supportive to her. She’s super kind and supportive when something bad happens like my mother dies or I lose my job, but if I’m not miserable…it’s like she wishes I was.

She’s confided in me that she’s very unhappy, she hates her family, and has hemmoraged a lot of friend. She’s unfullfilled in her relationship and her only solace is her dog and smoking tons of weed. It’s pretty clear she’s in a rut and is pretty offended by me not being in a rut. She’s also not conventionally attractive or fashionable which I think bothers her more than she lets on because she also snarks on me for taking care of my appearance and enjoying clothes, makeup, etc. (“New York vanity and gender performance for the male gaze!”)

Should I confront her? Or should I just drop her?