Help with choosing a care facility, anyone have any tips?

Asked by msh (4270) January 15th, 2016 from iPhone

I am one half of a pair of siblings who are placed with the task of finding a full-time care facility for a third sibling. The type of dementia she has is Frontal Lobe. My sister was diagnosed in 2009. With help, she has been able to maintain herself and day to day activities since then. It is a horrid disease which, in this case, has had ups and downs, and changes over the years. The worst part has been when my sister, a once smart, pretty, accomplished and fun girl, has suddenly come back into herself to say how awful this whole thing has become. I have not seen that girl, though, in awhile.
I have been the primary care-giver, with my other sibling doing groceries when needed or urged, and financial bill-paying. Both of our names are on POA, financial interests, etc. I am the only POMA, as I have learned to watch over absolutely everything when I returned home to care for a parent until their passing. This all began at diagnosis during the same time.
Lately, things have become too much to handle, and her care needs shifted over to those who can deal with the increasing difficulties from this disease, without the attatchment of being the younger sister and ‘bad guy’. I am absolutely worn out, and need to step back from all of this. Not away, just back until the upcoming storm calms back down some.
My sister is physically healthy. At times with an amazing strength. We do not get physical, but it is coming. As with Alzheimer’s, the worse it gets, the more angry, contrary and physical the sufferer becomes. She would be appalled if she came back into herself as before. It breaks your heart while wearing you totally out. (A question here about working later shifts made me smile. I have been on 24/7 shift for way too long!)
I digress.
Does anyone have ideas of things to check for? I know that I will have to show up to check on her, unannounced and unscheduled, to get a fair reading of the place and her care.
I know about the high incidence of theft. Wandering, confusion, and combativeness from patients. With sticky fingers and the need to keep track of everything from the establishment.
What else?
Activities? Food?
Television Parking/ Babysitting?
I know if it smells bad- to leave and cross that off the list.
They will get all of her money, but my other sibling doesn’t understand that she will have her funds for upkeep, etc.,taken and that means for anything. Period. So I’ve got some clothes, effects, television- wall mounted, recliner- not cloth, and more, to buy.
Please help. I’m on my own on this one, and I’m putting my sister away until she dies. And it’s killing me too. I’m not a crier, but I am right now.
I keep envisioning her shuffling around in ratty old clothes and old slippers with her name wtitten in permanent marker on all. And glasses with duct tape holding them together….oh hell, perhaps that is me in the asylum after all of this! (Humor saves minds….)
Sorry for length. I gotta go check on everything again.
Any ideas? Please? I would be much obliged. Thank you.