My ex forced me to throw out my mother's ashes. Has anyone ever heard of/been in a similar situation?

A little over three years ago, my mother died of cancer. At the time, I was in what can only be described as an abusive relationship with a insecure and manipulative man.

The first thing he did after she died was pressure me into moving to Latin America with him, where I lived an under his family’s roof and under his watchful eye. Isolated and thousands of miles from my friends and family. Besides the sexual abuse, constant arguments over nothing, and emotional bullying, one of the cruelest things he ever did was force me into throwing away the small amount of my mom’s cremains I had brought with me from my country.

He did this because some “spiritual healer” (AKA witch doctor quack) his family was close to insisted that my mother’s ashes were carrying “negative energy” and not allowing me to move on. (Keep in mind, she had passed away just a few months earlier and we were close.) I was absolutely against the idea, but he just wouldn’t let it go… The truth was that my mother wasn’t a fan of his and he was happy she was dead and wanted me to forget her as soon as possible to live under his control. The more he isolated me from friends and family (even the dead ones), the easier it would be to force me into being his marital rape slave and baby factory.

We argued about it for several days, screaming fights that always ended up with me in tears and him slamming doors. “If you loved me, you would do this” he would say, or “This is for YOUR own good. Don’t you want to feel better?”

I was recovering from a 2-month bout of severe dysentery and still physically very weak from my illness. I can’t remember how exactly it happened, but my resolve finally broke. He made me get into the car and drove me many miles to a steep cliff that overlooked the old colonial city. (As least he picked a good view?) He then stood over me and watched as I poured her ashes over the cliff and collapsed in a heap of tears. He didn’t have a gun to my head, but I didn’t want to do it and he made me. I’ll never forget the look of smug satisfaction on that piece of sh*t’s face that he had “won” yet another of his abusive battles with me. I felt so weak and am still ashamed that I didn’t stand my ground.

It took me another year to get out that horrible relationship, many more hurtful personal attacks, rapes, and instances of manipulative cruelty. I’ve since found love and stability with a wonderful partner but I’m still gutted when I think about this traumatic experience.

Luckily, I did give some of her ashes to a family friend and she gave them back to me when I returned so now I still have some of her. Today, my current boyfriend (the man I actually hope to marry someday) and I were cleaning to pass time during the blizzard and I saw him gently dust my mother’s urn before putting her back with the utmost care. It sounds morbid but it warmed my heart a little.

This is a weird story, I know and I’m not sure why I felt compelled to tell it. But has anyone ever heard of an abusive partner doing such a thing? Things are much better now, but how can I come to terms with this awful experience with this awful person?