How is depression & anxiety affecting your life?

Depression has had a huge affect on my life in many ways. I am 26 and have been suffering since I was about 19. Currently living with my parents and working to gain enough money to move out. Also looking for a better job that pays more money and has benefits. One that is much closer to my house as well.

1— It has made me really lazy and unmotivated. There are many things I want to accomplish. Design more art, learn the guitar, join a football (soccer) team, and more. I want to accomplish these things little by little. The problem is I am always tired both physically and mentally. Even when I get many hours of sleep.

2— It is making it really hard for me to find a girlfriend. I want a relationship, but I’m too shy to approach someone I like. If I had more confidence I would be in a relationship by now.

3— I’ve had many opportunities offered to me. In terms of joining football (soccer) teams, job opportunities and relationships. I feel like I’ve wasted almost most of my 20’s. I could of went away for college and had an amazing experience. Really wanted to go to a big college and dorm. However I went to a community college in NYC. I feel like I missed out on the college experience. For my masters degree I would love to go away, but I don’t know yet.

4— It has affected my emotions. I have been having many mood swings. I am always angry, moody, stressed, & paranoid. I often lash out at people over little things. I feel really bad about that. I am good at hiding my anxiety and depression in front of people. Everyone thinks I am this happy guy that has life figured out. That is not the case. I am so lost in life.

5— I have gotten panic & anxiety attacks whenever I am in public. It has also made my eye strain worst. I can’t read, or look at something for a long time. I am always looking around because it is hard for me to blink sometimes. My eyes are often dry, itchy, hot & watery at times.

I want to get help, and currently looking to get the help I need. Hopefully therapy helps. I do not want to take pills to help ease my symptoms. I just want to be happy and enjoy life. I use to pray, but if there is a God I do not think he is listening. My faith in God is also going away. I am starting to turn away from God and just be an atheist. I really want to believe in God, but these days it is very hard.